WHAT did you call me?

The BBQ Pit
41

I guess I’m in the minority, but I’m with Delores here. I work with two people just like the guy she talks about. Mostly they just hang around listening. It’s creepy. The guys I work with are M, and A. A is actually in my lab, and probably one of the most intellectually uncurious person I’ve ever met. He has never, made any significant, or even insignificant contribution to a conversation. He’s completely clueless, and doesn’t even have the sense to know what he doesn’t know. Mind you, this is our Ph.D student, who makes it very well know that he is far superior to out non-graduate school personnel because of this. So in addition to not knowing what the hell is going on, he mocks those who do. Thus, no one is particularly inclined to go out of their way to give him a hand. A, like Delores coworker, has also refused to do things because they weren’t “his job”. Screw that dude, you’re brand new; it’s all your job until I tell you otherwise.

The other guy is M, and although I don’t work with him much, when I talk to a friend of mine who is near his office, he comes out, lurks around and adds inappropriate comments, or just stares. It’s weird.

I don’t mind a queer duck. I have plenty of friends who are odd in all sorts of ways. What I don’t like are hangers-on. If you’re going to be included in the group, you need to be included in the conversation. We are not here to entertain you.

I know this will not make me popular, but I do not need to spend my work day hanging with people I don’t care for. I am professional to both these men, but my lunch is my own. I will choose to spend it with whomever I like, and if you think that being mean, then I suppose that’s where our opinion differs.

I also think that Delores should indeed be given the preferred days off. She’s been there for 10 years. I just think she shouldn’t have gone to C first. She should have gone directly to management.

42

So are you going to apologize to him?

43

She didn’t call him a “fucking coward”.

44

No, but she did just admit that her behavior towards him was wrong. Shouldn’t she apologize for that?

45

Hammer, meet nail head.

That’s the best assessment I’ve seen yet in this thread, beating out even The King of Soup’s excellent post. What Delores did was essentially tell this guy that his rights and feelings are not worthy of consideration. By going behind his back to take something away from him shows that she is willing to trample on his feelings just so that she can get the time off she wants.

“Fucking coward” about sums it up for me.

Delores, if you want to do the right thing, tell C that you didn’t appreciate what he called you, but you understand why he did. Then offer to trade that Friday back with him. Honestly, it’s the right thing to do.

46

Nope. What would you like her to say? "Sorry I didn’t want to go to lunch with you because I think you’re a weirdo’? How about “Sorry I mocked your thank you note on-line”? I think if she feels bad (which I personally don’t think she should) then she should change her behavior.

47

How about, sorry that I tried to take away the day off that was rightfully yours? Because as many have pointed out, the problem isn’t that he lacks social skills, it’s that she ripped him off.

48

She didn’t rip him off at all. If you see what happened he got thoses days off anyway. But she pulled rank. There’s nothing wrong with that.

49

Of course, I posted this before I read post #36. Now I feel a bit socially awkward.

Lunch?

50

After 10 years at a company she does deserve some perks but Dolores went about it the wrong way and seemed surprised the newcomer was pissed off at the initial change.
She was also justifying her act by slamming him, instead of just sticking to the fact that she wanted the better schedule and got it due to seniority.

Jim

51

There’s not? I see plenty wrong with it. You don’t promise something to somebody then yank it out from under them just because it’s inconvenient to you. That’s a rude slap in the face.

52

It sounds like your boss, Delores, has the best handle on the situation. The way it was going could only end up with further disaster. When people are at the point of open conflict, there’s no point in forcing them to work even more closely together.

That being said, however, Delores, I’ve seen both sides. I’ve been the one cut completely out because I wasn’t a cool kid, and I’ve been part of the in crowd. There’s a surprisingly thin line separating the two, but being on the outs is a very painful experience.

As an example, I got a job a few years ago where I was disliked by my coworkers within a matter of days – not because I refused to do any work but because I prefer actually working to idleness, unlike my coworkers. So I left that job after only a few weeks – the last two of which involved not a single one of my coworkers saying a single word to me. I can testify that being on the receiving end of group shunning is a painful experience.

At the new firm I made a number of friends rapidly, but after a few months most of the group wanted to cut one woman out of the loop because her mood would change like lightning – she appeared to my nonprofessional eye to be bipolar, and was delightful when she was in a more manic phase but would turn cold and rude in a matter of minutes when she started a downward cycle. After about the fifth time in a matter of weeks she did this, everyone else wanted to just drop her completely, but I made a conscious decision that I would refuse to let her alienate herself from me completely. Aafter my recent experience, I realized that everybody needs at least one person at work they can get along with. So I let her know that I still wanted to be her friend, mood swings and all, and when she wanted to join the rest of us for lunch, she’d be welcomed without criticism. I put the ball in her court to make the first move, and it took a while, but she did.

At a later time we had a long talk about it, and it was truly astonishing how much she had appreciated that gesture on my part – until that point, I don’t think she had ever had someone other than her family willing to accept her just the way she is. I also had to do some work on my part to change the groupthink, but it was worth it. She’s a close friend to this day, even though I don’t work with her any more.

Sometimes all people need is a chance and things can change dramatically. I hope you’re willing to give C one more chance; he might surprise you.

53

She didn’t promise anything to him. She should get the better schedule, and he should suck it up. She’s been there 10 years; he’s been there 6 months. If he didn’t like the change he should have discussed it at the meeting, and not cursed at her on the way down the stairs.

54

OK, so with that thinking, this guy isn’t entitled to any days off. Whenever he gets a day off on the schedule, he should check with the dozen other people around who have been there longer than he has, to make sure they don’t really want it, so he can make plans? Mother is getting surgery? Sorry, I’ve been here 2 years longer than you, and I’ve been waiting three months for this pedicure appointment! You saw that three day weekend on your calendar, and made plans to go away? Sorry, but I’ve been here a decade, and I’d really like to go away instead.

Sorry, seniority is not a free pass to help yourself to something that someone else has.

55

I did try to rip him off. That’s what I feel bad about. But I’m not going to apologize, unless he apologizes first. After all, he called me the name, and despite my actions, no way was it called for. If that’s childish, well, so be it.

56

In principle, you can be there for one hundred years for all I care, but this doesn’t mean you can just dump your shit all over anyone. In practise, well, this is one fine, glowing example of how people use their senority to justisfy that they shall get all the good stuff. And worse, make someone else suffer in the process.

There must be some perks for spending 10 years or more in that company. Or are them non-existent to such an extend that one needs to rob someone’s else off day?

And why does Delores need the day off? If I am the boss, I’ll only give if it is a valid emegrency or something real important. It’s a big blow to morale, especially for the peons who are paid less than seniors, when a senior member get to push shit away to someone’s else just because they have been there longer. We haven’t heard why Delores need the off day (it might be a valid reason), but just taking away someone’s perk, and making it your own just because you feel like to and that you are a senior?

Some people are right when they say, “There’s no justice in this world”.

(This reminds me of another thread where a senior in the company tries to take away the boom-box which a younger chap has gotten from a lucky draw when he wasn’t around to collect the prize.)

57

Yes. That is exactly what I’m saying. You are very, very quick!

58

You did try to rip him off. You owe an apology, whether he called you the name or not. It’s two different matter.

At any rate, by virtue of you being the senior, there’s really no need for you to apologise. It already gives you the right to take away his off-days whenever you feel like it. So why bother about the apology?

59

It is childish. Be the bigger person and apologize; maybe not for your actions, but for the way you handled the situation. It will feel really good, and it might make you a friend instead of an enemy.

My husband and I do this at home, and let me assure you, it makes relationships a whole lot better.

60

I don’t think you understand what she did. She switched weekends with him. He still gets the Fridays off, just the alternating Friday, which doesn’t include the one between Thanksgiving and the weekend. Good Lord, she didn’t drowned his puppy, she changed his weekend.