“If it wasn’t for my horse, I wouldn’t have spent that year in college…”
- Lewis BlackI just wanted to point out the My Blue Heaven reference.
But to add to the thread:
I was hanging out with guy I had been dating for about a month and some of his friends, just havin’ a beer, eating buffalo wings and watchin some HBO, and in all seriousness he asked me if I wanted to fly to Vegas for the weekend to get married. It was shocking.
Well, in most of these cases, it seems like it isn’t even what’s being said that’s funny, it’s that it came from someone you wouldn’t expect to make that kind of remark. I’m sure Kalhoun’s sister is a gentle soul whom you can’t imagine wishing death on anyone, that’s why her remark caused such a violent response (ie, the spit-take involving the marguarita).
Anywho, I can’t think of any recent examples of my own, but my dad had one he used to tell about his mom.
My family used to be into dairy farming. It generally it is seen as safer and more economical to artifically inseminate cows, but, for reasons unknown to me, for a time they had a bull. Bulls, as you know, are strong, massive creatures who are prone to violence, so he was kept securely penned up in the barn. The bull, naturally, did not appreciate being kept away from all those sweet honeys grazing outside, so he would bellow… and bellow… and <i>bellow</i>.
One day, while the family was working in the barn, someone casually brought up the bellowing situation. (I imagine it probably went something like, “Why the hell won’t that g**damned thing shut up!”) Dad was shocked when his prim and proper mother, who normally never discussed the topic of S-E-X, commented, “Well, you’d be upset, too, if you weren’t getting any!”
Well, that’s interesting, Mr. Moto. A few years ago, I saw a table of conservatives roar in laughter after one of them told that same Oswald joke about Bill Clinton.
Gr8Kat, that’s PRECISELY why it was funny. You’re a sharp one! (I’ve got my eye on you! 
)
It’s very disheartening to see people become so uptight about whatever it is they’re uptight about, that they can’t see the humor in anything. Thanks to all of you who supported me and my hilarious sister. Who IS a kind and gentle soul, indeed.
I’ve got one of those friends who won’t even SAY “sex” or even “piss”. One day at lunch in high school, before any of us were sexually active, all my friends were talking about whether people would have sex during the woman’s period. To which my very shy friend said, “Well, at least you wouldn’t need lubricant!”
Everyone had to get down on their hands and knees to look for their jaws which had dropped so far, they’d fallen RIGHT OFF!
I’ve got a friend just like yours rinni! She goes bright red at the mention of anything remotely rude, she’s terriffied of men, and she’s sweetly innocent and naive. A while ago I sat down next to her while she was busy dreaming. I asked her what she was thinking about. Her answer? “Erotic things”.
My jaw hit the floor with a sort of crunchy clunk.
I have a large group of friends with the tendency to say stupid, or even offensive things in the loudest voice they can manage.
For example, during a biblical conversation in a diner one evening, one of my friends loudly proclaimed “Judas was a fucking pussy!!!”
Right in front of a table of SIX nuns. I’m pretty sure they weren’t amused.
The problem with the OP is that, if overheard by the wrong person, it could conceivably be reported as making a threat against the President, which is a Federal crime.
Yeah, you might argue otherwise, both in court and in jail, but it could still be a major hassle to deal with.
Well, that’s why I said, “Jokingly”. But yes, the thought did cross my mind that some uptight Slayer of Evil would read into it what Mr. Moto did. I just find it incredibly difficult to believe anyone would take it seriously. Yet, they’re out there by the score.
ok, this isnt political, but I’m sure a few will take offense at this one. But I’m sorry, at the time, we laughed our asses off. And as I’ve stated in the “Stuff Nuns Told You” thread, I’m already going to hell. Do your worst.
My step-dad’s mother, battling alcoholism for many many years, had an accident where she had fallen down the basement stairs. She hit her head on the basement floor and died instantly. She was 74. We attend the funeral, and afterwards, there’s a “wake” at a local lodge. In the BASEMENT of the lodge.
My Sister, married to a DEVOUT Muslim, does right by everyone and won’t say anything against you even if you were spitting in her face (unless you’re a post office worker) says:
“In honor of Grandma, we’re having a party at the bottom of the stairs”
I know! I know! But oh how we laughed.
Okay, one winter night my mom, dad, me, and my three younger sisters went out to eat at Perkins. It was really very cold, way below zero. When it was really cold like that, my mom had a full-length fur coat she wore (well, still does) made of sheared beaver pelts. (She wears it with a really rugged pair of hiking boots and an Icelandic wool knitted cap. She looks really eccentric like that, but she’s warm.)
Anyway, Mom ordered something that had toast with it, and she really liked the orange marmalade that they had in those little lockets of jelly they leave in the caddy on the table. I mean, she REALLY liked this marmalade. And they had a lot of little packets of it in the caddy.
Mom, who is law-abiding to a fault, confessed to being sorely tempted to steal all the marmalade packets.
Dad said, “Why not? Just stick 'em in your beaver.”
My mother and I nearly died laughing at the double entendre. I was taking a drink at the time and spit Coke out my nose and all over my plate, drenching the bread of my sandwich and leaving a soggy mess. Mom laughed so hard that she cried and nearly wet her pants.
The two youngest sisters didn’t get the joke, and the one who was second oldest got the joke but thought we were disgusting, embarrassing perverts.