I was out to dinner with my dad and my sister, and we were doing our usual Bush Bashing (die-hard liberals…every last one of us). I was bitching about Bush’s current vocalizations against gay marriage, and my sister (jokingly) said, “Where’s Lee Harvey Oswald when you need him?” Well, I spewed my Margarita across the room!
Has anyone ever said something that completely caught you off guard? Share.
There are 4 kids in our family. All college graduates but only my sister, the beauty queen, completed her Master’s Degree. So the Deacon, the Beauty Queen, Bubba, and I (and appropriate spouses) are playing “Cranium” when this question comes up.
Q: What is the world’s longest species of snake?
To which the Beauty Queen replies, “I dunno… About 10 feet?”
Well, that just goes to show, DeVena, brains aren’t all they’re cracked up to be! Hilarious!
I’m the answer to that question!!!
OK, I’ll go now…
“One day I’ll memorize the periodic table of the elephants.”
While eating hamburgers with some friends, one of them said, “Wouldn’t it be funny if I ate the reincarnation of Vishnu?” I didn’t think that would be funny at all, really, but it sure caught me off guard…
I sing in my church choir, where I’m the only person under 30 or so. At the rehearsal for Easter this year, the sopranos and tenors were making all sorts of terrible jokes and puns about this one song we were doing. It winds down, and then one of the tenors says, “Hm, this would rap well…” I went “O_o”.
A friend of the family had commited suicide. On the day of the funeral my wife and her best friend were helping in the kitchen of the home where the mourners were gathering after the burial. People were milling around and bringing in food, as is the southern tradition - we treat everything with food, when someone brought in a huge cooler on wheels. My wife’s friend looked at the cooler and observed loudly “You could fit a body in that thing!”.
One time I was playing Robo-Rally, a board game, with my friends. Two of us (me included) are known for telling lame jokes, one sort of tells them a bit, and the other two never make “joke” jokes or puns, period.
The object of Robo-Rally is to land on the red flags in order by programming your robot with random cards. One of my friends, one of the ones who never make any jokes, says “You know, since the flag’s red, if that flag was a rag you could say you were on the rag”
We stared at him. His words: “i believe that’s the worst joke I’ve ever told.” We couldnt disagree with him.
But it gets better. Later in the evening, he mentioned wanted to perhaps hire programmers. Another of us asked him “So, what type of languages are you looking for”
He answered “I’m good in the sack.”
What I wanna know is what did he think he was being asked!!!
(the weirdest thing is he’s not normally like this, but we’ve never let him live it down heheheheheh.)
I was watching a final-four victory interview a year or so ago… The player being interviewed had made the game winning shot with his left hand, and when the announcer mentioned it, the player said: “I wasn’t worried about it. You know I AM amphibious.”
Yeah, this caught me off guard.
Kalhoun, I’m as hard core a conservative as you’ll ever meet. I have a lot of buddies that feel the same way. There’s not a lot of love for the Clintons in our group.
But I’ve never, NEVER, heard anybody wish an assassination on either of them. Not even jokingly. I’m pretty confident that if such a statement had been made, it wouldn’t go over very well at all.
I’m glad you find bloody death so damn funny. I’ve seen the Zapruder film. I’ve been to Dealy Plaza and Arlington Cemetery. These things I saw would have been nonstop laughs for you, huh.
Aren’t conservatives supposed to be the mean-spirited ones?
Dude, lighten the fuck up. I said she mentioned it JOKINGLY. Get a sense of humor (conservatives DO have a sense of humor, don’t they?).
Incidently, I’ve seen the film, the grassy knoll, and Arlington, too. The fact that your conservative friends don’t find the humor in this doesn’t surprise me. But don’t expect the rest of the world to jump on your bandwagon just because you’re incapable of grasping the humor in my sister’s statement.
So if I were to make some jokes about (say) Mary Jo Kopecne or the William Kennedy Smith rape trial, you’d be obligated to laugh at them?
Conservatives have a great sense of humor. Most of us don’t think a dead President Kennedy is tremendously funny.
Mr. Moto said, “So if I were to make some jokes about (say) Mary Jo Kopecne or the William Kennedy Smith rape trial, you’d be obligated to laugh at them?”
Only if they’re funny. Jesus! If you don’t see the humor, too bad for you. But it IS funny.
The he said, “Conservatives have a great sense of humor. Most of us don’t think a dead President Kennedy is tremendously funny.”
Dude, nobody likes to admit they don’t have a sense of humor. But some people don’t. That’s life.
You are too serious Mr. Moto.
Man, that Zapruder film musta been one lousy movie. I mean, I got a little pissed after paying good money to see “Ishtar”, but I didn’t get all worked up over it…
Oh for Pete’s sake, Mr. Moto. She thought it was funny. Let it go. People can’t help what they find funny.
Sheesh.
It had budget problems from the beginning. When they brought Michael Bay in to direct, it was bad, and then they had so many damn rewrites. At least they didn’t make it into a Ben Affleck/J-Lo feature like they wanted to.
Thank you! For some people, on either side of the aisle, the important thing is if the joke is funny. Doesn’t have to reflect anybody’s political values. I bet Mr. Moto doesn’t like the old “But other than that, how was the play, Mrs. Lincoln?” joke either. 
The government decided not to program the cybor… um… I mean conservatives with humor. It was considered unnecessary along with free will and a sense of style.
Hey, now, hillbilly queen! I resemble that remark!
JuanitaTech, sylish conservative with a twisted sense of humor
Hey man. Don’t be dissin’ Ishtar. That shit ain’t funny. And I mean your dis, not the movie. It was hilarious.
That reminds me. I need to get that Ishtar appreciation thread up in Cafe Society.