:: shakes head ::
Whoa. My eyes are tired. I thought you said you were attracted to “clean vaginal” girls next door.
I don’t know how you got this from what I said, but ok…
Well, he’s “the love of your life” and he likes to beat on women. I’m just trying to get my head around that. Men who hit women are scum. It doesn’t matter what positive qualities they have–most abusers are very charming–or what their upbringing was like. There’s no excuse for that shit.
I read your other thread and I understand you’ve been through some pretty bad stuff yourself. I didn’t mean to come off snarky, and I apologize if I did. I just can’t stand men who abuse women and I can’t understand women who apologize or rationalize their behavior.
No, the VIE (love of her life) dates mainstream golddiggers.
It’s her daughter’s dad who beats up women, but only the ones who let him.
I, too, was surprised when I read the thread about Litoris’ mom that she would excuse this behavior but, as I mentioned before, I’ve been accused on this board of thinking I know everything about a situation when I don’t, or painting with a broad brush, so I tried to let this go in the “don’t understand; never will” column.
I thought it was the same person. If not, never mind.
We banged the same guy.
Alright seriously - we’all short-arses, we all have big teeth and are huge talkers.
They’re taller and older than I am and they’re less scrupulous in general. The most glaring exceptions to all three are female.
And then there’s the mainstream/WASPy/boring/taller/older/less scrupulous guy who won the last one back from me by stealing my date ideas.
I think it’s a safe bet that cholas are less common in Western Canada than southern California. Hell, now that I think about it I’ve dated a chola–penciled-on eyebrows, Converse, flannel shirts, gold jewelry with her name on it, pretty much the whole thing except for the gang and barrio part.
I’ve (mostly) had the same problem.
Well, I wouldn’t mind if some of these guys sent their argumentative, opinionated girlfriends over to me. I’m a feminist and it pisses me off when girls habitually agree with me for no reason. That’s a big part of why I’ve been single for so long, actually.
What about when they agree with you because they actually, you know, agree with you? 
That’s all nice and sweet, but nobody really agrees with any one other person 100% of the time.
I guess it’s official that I can’t just toss off a non-serious remark, even with a smiley at the end of it. Not having anything to do with you in particular, of course, but that’s the fourth time in as many days I’ve said something I thought was flippant and had it apparently taken seriously.
It’s ok – the abusive one is not the love of my life. But he is a good friend. I neither understand nor rationalise his behviour – I walked out on him and took our (then-2 year old) daughter with me. Before I left him, I had him arrested and in WA state, an arrest for domestic violence requires a minimum amount of counseling for the abuser. I did my best to try to get him help, even though I knew I was leaving for good.
It is true, too many women do justify and make excuses for that shit. I don’t and never did. At one point, I honestly was shocked that he didn’t beat me up in public – someone asked why I was walking funny and I told them (with him standing beside me) “Charlie* threw me against the wall last night while we were fighting and broke my toe” When he confronted me about it later, I told him that I was not going to lie about it and cover it up for him. It was a nice shock treatment…for about a week then the abuse started again. I tried, but I finally had to take my own advice and realise that the only person over whom I have control is me. I walked away and haven’t looked back since 
Because he does have redeeming qualities as a person, I sincerely hope everyday that he will face down his demons and start recognising his red flags. I honestly want him to have a good life – people are not “good” or “evil” they just make bad decisions sometimes. A person can do a bad thing but still be a good person. We might disagree on this, but ya know what? That’s how life works.
Oh, and while it did come across as a bit snarky…this is teh intarwebs – I don’t carry grudges in real life, why the heck would I here? Better to ask for clarity than live in ignorance, right?
Hmmm, if I’m allowed to work backwards with this one, with my one and only ex-SO, it seems all her previous ex’s were either sexually inept or got her pregnant and then they split up.
With me, she got both!
:smack:
My Peruvian fiancée occassionally uses the word “chola” and, from her corner of the globe, it seems to simply mean “trashy”, “whorish” or “low class” rather than gangster-tough. Not that classes of people don’t co-opt words and turn them into a badge of honor, but her definition made your OP that much more amusing to me.
Try as I might, I can’t think of a common thread between my exs’ new beaus.
They have not much in common:
GF#1: Now married to a guy with similar nerdy tastes in books and stuff as I have (and she has), but who is very quiet and reserved (she and I are both super-argumentative). He’s also super-seriously Jewish (as is she) (at least now)
GF#2: Married to a guy who’s actually quite a bit like me. I like him a lot. A bit more into the ren-faire/folk singing side of nerddom than I am
GF#3: After me, she dated an abusive and controlling Indian guy. Then she broke up with him. Then we lost touch
GF#6: After me, she dated a weak-willed goth guy who she more or less ran over, then a freaky arrogant pervy Jewish guy, and is now married to a childhood friend of hers who I have only met briefly, but seems totally unlike me in all ways
GF#7: Last I heard, now dating an Indian guy I’ve never met
So we’ve got a few nerds, a few Jews, and a few guys from India.
If it makes you feel better, that happens to me all the time IRL!
It helps a little, yes.
Oh! Oh! OH! Mr. Kotter! Pick me!
I’ve got the common theme on this one: all groups to whom education is culturally important.
The next one is always proclaimed to be “The One”, and The One always has a health issue or disability that limits her physical mobility. Every time. Over multiple exes. Apparently I was insufficiently disabled!
Seriously, the pattern does make me wonder whether they cared about me in spite of my physical limitations, as I’d always (naively?) believed - or in part because of them, which is too depressing to contemplate.
Now that the doctors have figured out what was “wrong” with me (well, wrong with my body - my mind is another story! 
), I wonder whether the same will be true of my next ex. Stay tuned…