What do Transexuals Feel

Factual Questions
1

I am single, currently not involved with anyone and recently switched jobs. I am attracted to a woman in the office, a professional like myself, but who would unlikely be working directly with me. When I asked a co-worker if she was involved with anyone, he informed that she wasn’t but that she was formerly a man. From outward appearances it appears that the surgery is complete and a success and surprisingly that revelation has not deterred my attraction to her. However I do have some questions about transexuality that I would like answered to quell my curiosity and better understand what I may be dealing with if I pursue this.

  1. What percentages of transsexuals are gay, straight or bi before undergoing transformation? Do they retain the same orientation after transformation (i.e. if gay before, straight after) or does sexual orientation sometimes change? Since they feel trapped in the opposite gender’s body can they enjoy sex or is their sex drive and ability to achieve orgasm hindered by their gender identity?
  2. While going through transformation, receiving hormones and other transformative activities, but before having surgery to alter genitals; how does this impact their sexual urges? Can they still achieve orgasm? Can men transforming to women still have erections and ejaculations?
  3. Once the transformation is complete and assuming surgery is successful; how does this impact there sexual urges? How can they possibly experience orgasm with surgically altered genitals?
  4. If the chemistry between this woman and myself work out and we advance to the stage of intimacy, will I notice anything different when I first see her naked? Will having sex feel any different for me? Are there any issues I will have to deal with that I would not normally deal with a woman born that way?

These are a lot of questions but I really hope you can answer them.

2

  1. It’s transsexual, with two esses. A minor quible, I know.

  2. About the same percentages as the general population, whatever those are. It’s entirely reasonable that they might reexamine their sexual feelings along the way, as well, though most evidence points to a strong biological influence in sexual orientation. They can certainly enjoy sex if they want to.

  3. Generally, hormone replacement therapy (HRT) for male-to-female transsexuals leads to impotence and then sterility. OTOH, there was a fairly recent thread announcing the impregnation of one of our members by her transsexual lover, who was (and, one assumes, is) on HRT at the time. In other words, it depends.

  4. Not being a transsexual, I’d assume that their sexual urges were still present. Not being a transsexual, I have no idea about the second part of your question.

  5. That depends on you, not her. I’ll volunteer, for myself, that I once dated a transgendered woman ( =not the same thing as a transsexual, but on the same side of the fence, so to speak), without any emotional issues on my part, but at the time I was already pretty well aware that I was a.) bisexual, and b.) an odd duck myself; I can’t reasonably answer for someone who identifies as straight, as you seem to, except to say that if you’re attracted to femininity, and her femininity attracts you, that’s hardly a blot on your manhood. It’s certainly a compliment to her.

Hopefully, one of our transsexual Dopers can give you their perspective on this, since you obviously do want to see things from that side. Congratulations, by the way, on not having any hangups about this.

3

Actually, both spellings of transsexual are correct. The single-s spelling is more commonly found in medical literature and in older resources.

My experience is that transsexuals are more likely to be nonstraight than the general population.

Hormone replacement therapy for male-to-female does not cause immediate sterility. I’ve been on hormones nearly two years now, and my girlfriend is expecting a child next May. (This was a surprise to both of us.) However, the inclusion of antiandrogens in the mix will generate sterility rather quickly (I am not using any at this time). Female-to-male transsexuals are almost immediately sterile because the testosterone injections make normal ovulation and menstruation nearly impossible. Sterility, once it occurs, usually takes several months to become irreversible.

I found it much easier to achieve orgasm (including multiple orgasms) after starting HRT. I still get erections (although almost never spontaneously anymore) and do occasionally ejaculate. Ejaculation is not closely related to orgasm; I routinely orgasm without ejaculating, and ejaculation is not always accompanied by orgasm.

Approximately one-third of post-op male-to-females report having orgasmed. This sounds pretty dismal, except when you consider that between 15% and 20% of born women report never having orgasmed. The ability to orgasm without direct genital stimulation preoperatively is rather predictive of ability to orgasm postoperatively.

The sex drives of preop and postop transsexuals vary wildly, just like in the general population. Generally, however, the trend is that sex drive is lowered by reassignment due to the loss of natural hormone production. This may or may not be a problem in any one particular case. Also, sex drive prior to transition is often redirected or dissipated due to cognitive difficulties with having sex.

Male-to-female reassignment surgery has gotten to the point that, absent complications, you will not be able to tell without an ultrasound imager or a speculum. Female-to-male is nowhere near as good. It is much easier to make a hole than to make a pointy thing, especially one with variable size and rigidity. Also, transsexual women are lacking in natural lubrication (depending somewhat on surgical technique), so you might consider using lube. And, of course, you can’t get her pregnant; this may be a positive or a negative, depending on your point of view.

Transsexual men and women vary in tastes, preferences and hangups to the same degree (if not more) as nontranssexuals. I would advise, however, not spending too much attention on the fact that she is transsexual as that may tend to frighten or annoy her. Most transsexuals prefer to be treated as a man or a woman as the case may be, not as a transsexual. Aany of us are also considerably frightened of “tranny chasers”: people who seek out transsexuals specifically, mainly men, mainly because they can’t get us pregnant and because of the “forbidden” nature of having sex with a “man”.