I have a friend who currently goes to college full-time. She worked out her schedule so that she somehow only has to spend about 4 hours a day, 2 days a week in classes and it still constitutes ‘full time’ (she’s an undergrad at a UC). She doesn’t work (her parents pay for everything).
I suppose if she kept this schedule to make time for a hobby/passion, it would make sense she’d want to keep her obligations down, but she doesn’t. Instead she spends all her free time in front of the TV. Sometimes she goes out to eat at restaurants with friends, but 99% of the interaction she has with her peers is in front of the boob tube. I guess in a way she’s kind of like these college guys who sit in their dorm and play WoW 14 hours a day, but her guilty pleasure is television.
In a few argument’s we’ve had, I’ve thrown out the ‘lazy’ accusation and she gets extremely mad and defensive. Thing is, I don’t really think she has a leg to stand on. She doesn’t have a learning disability, so its kind of surreal to hear her complain she ‘doesn’t have time’ to get caught up studying/stay on top of reading. I’m no speed reader or A student, but if I only had to worry about 8 hours worth of class a week and absolutely nothing else, I’d be pretty damn embarassed if I couldn’t pull at least one A a quarter given the sheer amount of time I have to work outside of class.
Its hard not to compare ones self, but I have tried to gently point out that I had a much busier schedule than her (because of work/class schedules I had a Mon-Fri that usually started at 7 AM and got done at 8). Even with working my ass off, I still managed to have fun, and do things outside my comfort zone. I went on a cruise, acted in a play, and a few other fun things. I also realized that as busy as I was, I still procrastinated a lot and there was a lot more I still could have accomplished in spite of my schedule. My regrets when I look back are that I didn’t do more with my time.
Somehow something tells me she isn’t going to look back and regret missing the season finale of Rock of Love 2 … :dubious:
Yeah, she sounds lazy. But to be honest, I don’t think you’re doing her any favors by harping on her about it. You aren’t her father. You aren’t going to inspire her. Her laziness doesn’t reflect on you nor does it hurt or inconvienence you. So I would either stop thinking about it or drop her as a friend.
Seriously, dude. I know I’ve mentioned this to you in the past, but it seems you’re due for a reminder. Stop being St. Incubus. Either that or start hanging out with people who are more like yourself. Seems like everyone in your world always sucks except for you. Even your girlfriends have issues you can’t stand. Do you think you have a tendency to see fault in people? Or are you a magnet of some kind?
I agree, she’s lazy. But as Monstro said, MYOB. She’s not hurting you; she’s hurting herself. I agree…it can be infuriating to watch, but your only option is to quit watching.
I could care less, but for the purposes of the OP I was simply wondering what constituted lazy. She had protested that she wasn’t lazy, and going to school was her justification. But given that I know lots of people who work 50x harder with half the resources/support, she’d be pretty full of herself to assume the work is ‘too much’ or has a ‘full plate’.
I was more interested in hearing other people’s anecdotes about what they consider a ‘lazy’ individual. Lazy can be kind of subjective.
The chick in the OP I think is a TV addict. See if she could go cold turkey for a week. One of TV addiction’s main symptoms is vastly overestimating the importance of TV.
An acquaintance of mine once commented about how glad she was to be done with college, so she could go home after work and be free to watch TV. Like she was 4 years behind on something important because of the time she wasted studying for her degree. Surprisingly to some, TV really doesn’t care or even notice if you watch it.
Like any addict, she’s going to have to really want to change. I’m not sure what hitting bottom is for a TV addict. Maybe you find yourself taping infomercials?
I wouldn’t haul out the word lazy unless she were failing to do something she needed to do to take care of herself. It sounds like for now her parents are enabling her, so she doesn’t need to decide if she’s too lazy to support herself.
Yeah, your friend sounds pretty lazy to me. I guess the real question is why it matters. It doesn’t sound like anything she’s doing is directly affecting your life. If she’s trying to make you feel bad about all the work you do, that’s one thing… but let’s imagine the worst-case scenario is true. Let’s imagine your friend is the laziest person on the planet.
So what? The most likely result is it will affect nobody’s life but her own. Our society values and rewards people who give their lives entirely over to their work, but I don’t tend to value those people, I tend to pity them–at least those who buy into the lie that their productivity is tied to their self-worth. I come from a long line of ‘‘hard workers’’ who are otherwise pathetic human beings incapable of making human connections even with people that love them the most fiercely. My parents growing up were so dependent on and addicted to their work that they spent the night at work, rolled out the sleeping bags on the office floor and left me home alone for days at a time. We were poor and probably couldn’t have put food on the table without their efforts, but it was completely their choice to be small business owners rather than company drones who could rely on a steady paycheck. My mother in fact walked away from a $70k a year engineering job at General Motors to go be her own boss. I don’t admire her for her decision. I think what she did is utterly moronic.
So you’re friend’s lazy. It’s either her problem or not a problem at all.
On second thought, however, I would personally go nuts in your friend’s situation. With such an overwhelming lack of structure I would be a at a significant risk for depression. I am happiest when I have a lot on my plate, and maybe she wouldn’t watch so much TV if she was truly excited and motivated about what she was doing.
‘‘Lazy’’ to me, quite literally means ‘‘unmotivated,’’ and that’s veering dangerously toward depression. I’m not saying all unmotivated people are depressed, but it’s hard to imagine being both content and uninspired about your life’s work.
My personal definition of “lazy” is “doesn’t do sufficient work to meet his/her goals or needs”. So it differs from person to person. If their goals aren’t that expansive; well, that’s being unambitious, not lazy.
Lazy, or possibly depressed as I think olivesmarch4th is suggesting. I don’t think her parents are doing her any favors by supporting her so fully she doesn’t want to get a job, but I’m somewhat envious of her situation.
For me, Lazy is doing the minimum to get by.
Lazy: When the guy in the grader that’s plowing the street can’t bring himself to drop the gate when he comes to driveways, leaving a two-foot berm for me to shovel.
Lazy: People who rely almost solely on the TV to entertain their children.
Lazy: People who will not read to their children (see above).
Lazy: Those who pass on internet glurge and repeat it to anyone who will listen. Or is that just ignorance?
A lot of what people consider lazy is based on value judgements about others choice of entertainment.
When I didn’t own a TV people would ask how I spent my evenings and I would tell them mostly I read books. People were “impressed” by that but no-one thinks highly of someone watching TV for 4 hours a night.
You can’t decide how your friends live their lives. You can only decide if you want to hang around them or not. People are a package deal. You either take them as they are or you move on.
And you can’t badger anyone into having the great life realizations you’ve had. Maybe she does have a lesson she needs to learn in order to live a more fulfilled life. But trust me, you were not put on this earth to teach her that lesson. If she needs to learn it she will figure it out on her own one day when she’s ready. This is her journey, not yours.
That said. it sounds to me like your friend has a lack of perspective. This is pretty common in college students, who usually don’t have much real-world experience and are usually massively self-absorbed. She says she is busy because she feels busy, and she doesn’t have anything else to compare it to. As she lives, she will see new things and adjust her life accordingly.
‘Lazy’ is a judgmental word. Of course no one’s going to admit to being lazy, not in a serious discussion. If you really feel you need to help her in some way, ask her why she’s not motivated. In either case, the word(s) fit Der Trihs’s definition, but by using a non-judgmental way of speaking you stand a chance of finding out the reason and maybe helping the person do something about it. That is, if you care to.
I have two friends who never work. They “law suit” and it provides an adequate income. Both of these people also live off mommy. One is 50 and one is mid-40s.
I’ll also agree with Der Trihs’s definition, so if she’s meeting expectations, she’s allowed to spend her free time however she likes. And I’ll also mention that I’d much rather hang out with her than the OP. If you have time to nag her, Incubus, perhaps *you’re *not busy enough.