I spend most days at the computer browsing the web while trying to not let anyone realise that’s what I’m doing, and occasionally working to put various health insurance-related documents/forms online so they’re appealing, clear, and up-to-date.
In my other life I sit at a piano for hours on end, slowly playing vocal parts, or orchestral parts; typically the same small piece of music over and over and over. Sometimes, I’ll jump up and do silly things to get singers to do what I want them to do.
I try to find and fix errors in computer programs. When I find errors, I cannot get angry at the original programmer, because that is me.
Actually, I take that back. I get plenty angry at myself.
When the code appears to be working, it probably is lying, and I devise devious methods to prove that what the computer is telling me is wrong, and then go back and find out where the code is screwed up.
When I am unable to find any errors after looking for a really, really long time, I write a few paragraphs about what the code is supposed to do, and the results that it spits out, and whether these results do or do not appear to agree with some pictures taken by a machine in space 11 years ago.
Occasionally, I take a break to teach physics to people who aren’t any good at it, aren’t interested in getting better at it, and resent me for requiring them to think about it.
The beer people always beat me to it.
I make sure that the milk, cheese, and ice cream you drink and eat is good milk, cheese, and ice cream. Part of that job involves eating ice cream. 
I also manage regulatory requirements, maintain required paperwork, create legally binding documents about the quality of the milk, teach people what I do, develop new products, fix old products, dump wrong products, teach graduate and undergraduate students things about milk and cheese analysis, take complaints when the milk, cheese, and ice cream aren’t good, make ice cream, clean things, climb things and move things. Sonetimes I provide first aid, sometimes I go to farms and tell them to clean the manure off the walls, sometimes I just call people and bitch about things they can’t do anything about, I also buy alot of stuff.
I’m always behind. I have over a dozen pints of ice cream in my freezer waiting for analysis…it looks like I’ll have to take my work home this weekend.
aw, poor baby. :rolleyes:
I tell people that have little problems that it is ok and even normal to sometimes have a big reaction to small problems.
I help people that have big problems have a normal reaction to those big problems. I also try to help them deal with the stresses of having big problems.
I help people who have to kill other people have a normal reaction to killing other people. I help people understand that sometimes people have to kill other people.
I help people who have been through situations in which the bad guys kill the good guys. I help these people with their feelings while keeping them able to do their jobs.
I also fill out a lot of paperwork about all the people that I help in one way or another.
I hammer the keyboard with my fingers and occasionally chin, I surf the internet and eventually I might turn out the thing my boss wants but in truth I also sell things on ebay and write on my blog while at work.
I help academic departments and students communicate with each other by typing a lot.
I also search for available space.
Sgt Schwartz, you have a very demanding job - and you are remarkable person for doing it.
If I could find a way to get paid for doing all of these things together, I would die a happy man. A happy drunk man with clogged arteries and feathers in my hair, but happy nevertheless.
I ensure that water runs downhill. Water and gravity being what they are, water finds its way downhill without my help. Bowing to the inevitable, I make sure that water at least finds the path of least resistance to where it is wanted rather than where it will cause damage. When people in my office design buildings and facilities, they (not unreasonably) expect that people will want to get to those offices on foot or by automobile. I locate the buildings on pieces of land, and I get the people there and I get them back. What they do when they are there is really not my problem. The point is not the destination, but rather the journey. Anyway, that’s what I keep telling myself but my fellow employees might disagree.
I do my darndest to keep your money safe, whether it’s siting in your checking account, or moving around as a mortgage or loan payment, or even as a check.
I also work hard to keep my employer’s name from being mentioned in the news near words like “customer IDs stolen” “network hacked” or “data tapes lost” - so far, I’ve been doing a good job of it.
I’m the SOB who writes policy, makes sure (HAH!) everybody follows all the rules and regulations, and attempt to help people get jobs. I also get to go around the country several times a year to tell people how to do their jobs. Those people hate to see me coming but the people in my home office love to see me going.
I deal with landlords and tenants. Mostly I collect money from tenants and get it to the landlords. I get calls from tenants when things need repairing, and send the repair people out to fix them. I put people into empty places, type their leases, and keep all the paperwork together. I arrange to get people thrown out if they don’t pay their rent. I also deal with the government people when they pay other people’s rent if said people can’t pay their own rent.
I spend millions of dollars of other people’s money.
Sgt Schwartz, you are definately the man.
My job is to help The United States Department of Education manage their debt collection systems.
Which means, I am pretty much surfing the SDMB all the live long day.
…and I am in a band…
I help ensure that a person or organization using a certain patent or trademark was given the legal right to do so.
I nag & harass people to turn in their timecards, so I can then transfer the data on them into paychecks by payday. I type lots of data into various database applications and spreadsheets to produce various reports so that we know where our company’s money comes from, where it goes to, etc. I bill the customers, apply their payments to their accounts, put the money in the bank, turn around and write the checks to spend that money, and document every bit of it. I file a lot of paperwork, shred even more of it, and generally try to move it off my desk as soon as possible. I answer a lot of stupid questions and try to do so without making the asker feel stupid. If the phone rings more than 3 times, or if too many people go on lunch break or cigarette break (of which I’m the only non-participant), I answer the phone - however, I usually can’t do more than take a message for most callers. I hang out on the Dope as much as possible. I have to walk to the bank every day, and buy cookies on Fridays and milk for the coffee when we run out (as only the Big Boss & I use it).
I am raising the next generation of wiseasses.
I show young people how to play chess, computer games and Dungeons + Dragons. 
And I get paid to do it! :eek:
I work in Transplant Immunology Research. Which means I do surgery on mice.
Other than that, I read a lot and go to school part time. (I’m a back door researcher. Started in animal care and worked my way up; a strong back and stronger stomach can take you unexpected places.)
Hey 1920s Style “Death Ray” , I have an Australian co-worker that’s having visa trouble. Should I warn you if he gets sent your way?
I look at satellite imagery and I try to find information about the things I see on the imagery and I try to make sense of it all. Then I put it on web pages that no one will look at, but when I retire in 4 years, my replacement will see what I did. And said replacement will probably cuss about me the way I cussed about my predecessors, and go ahead and redo everything.
I won’t care - I’ll be retired.