I make sure lots of 1’s and 0’s stay in order on a bunch of spinning metal disks and said metal disks keep spinning.
Sometimes I take those 1’s and 0’s off one disk, rearrange them, and put them back. Sometimes the rearranged 1’s and 0’s get turned into light and sent down threads of glass until they end up on a different spinning metal disk. At which point those 1’s and 0’s are someone elses problem.
I yell at one idiot to get another idiot to do something idiotic that the idiots in charge want done YESTERDAY DAMMIT!
I also type up pretty reports that tell the higher up idiots what they want to hear, not what is really going on.
I change the dates on activities that should have been done by idiots to other dates to make the senior idiots believe that nothing is running late.
I change the numbers in spreadsheets from large numbers to smaller numbers so the management idiots think we’re still coming in on budget.
I amend the test reports that the other idiots have produced that says that the idiot system that the plebian idiots are coding is idiotic to something slightly less idiotic.
I stare out my window all day and braid this here rope… soon I will have enough to tie around my neck and jump out that window.
::sigh:: god I hate this place
I build simulated killing machines. For fun, for the challenge, and out of spite. I may be the best in my small, twisted, field. And I do it all for free.
I would be perfectly happy in life if I were a lesser-known pulp writer. I’m working on it…
And last night, I stood up in front of a group of 30 people and gave a short lecture on how to properly kill vampires. I was actually very well received.
I implement technology policy decisions that aren’t enforced, recommend infrastructure improvements that don’t get implemented, and just go ahead and work on Saturdays. Yeah. And, ahh, Sundays too.
I prepare spreadsheets telling people in my company what money has gone where. I put details of payments and receipts into a big file. I phone people who haven’t paid us. All the work I do is just that little bit too complex for a robot to do, but totally unfit for a human worthy of the name to do. I believe the same is true of 90% of jobs on the planet.
When you are least able to know what you need, I consider what you might need, and develop a plan to fulfill those needs.
Always, I watch for changes in your status. Sometimes when you are in danger I intervene, with physical action and with chemical action. I consider that sometimes you don’t want me to intervene to prevent the inevitable. Sometimes you may just want me to ease the path. Whether I agree with you or not, I support your decision.
Sometimes I tend to your bodily functions. Sometimes I tend to your spiritual, cultural and social needs. Sometimes I tend to your need for education, or chemical intervention. Sometimes share your triumph, sometimes I just cry with your or your family.
I’m a beggar. I ring up complete strangers on the phone and tell them how kind and caring I just know they are, and how much their help is needed, and they just give me their credit card numbers and tell me to take money out of their accounts.
I try to keep my boss from looking too dumb. I try to teach my subordinates not to be so dumb. I try to keep a distance from 3 of the 4 people with the same title as me… because the dumb may be catching.
I push buttons and write up lists and summaries for things designed and built by my employer, who holds an international arms dealer license to allow the design, export, and sales of said ‘things’.
I help create computer systems that make it easier for people to spend LOTS of money while wearing very loud shirts and carrying cameras and wandering around the ocean visiting pretty places.
