Hey y’all,
The past couple days have been a bit rough for me. Just had a great two weeks with a girl visitting me from abroad; the time together was fantastic but we both decided to be apart after the trip was over.
What i’m trying to ask is: thow do you cope with all the moments in your life when you feel alone and partially unloved? There’s lots of things one can do, some good and some bad. Every adult has done both at times, and I’m curious how all my fellow dopers cope with the dark times, those dark times at night when there’s nothing to do, and hardly anyone to be with.
I’m sorry if this sounds depressing. I’m personally fine, maybe feeling a bit down but really all right.
How do you manage such times in your life?
Regards,
Auto
Love myself. It’s not quite as rewarding as having someone else there for you, but it works. This can mean anything from listening to music I love, treating myself to something I want if I can afford it (usually some food/drink/luxury/new toy), working out, or even loving myself in the… ahem, most literal fashion.
ETA: Oh, and what Ice Wolf said - surf the 'net (including and especially the Dope ). This is also not mutually exclusive with the last thing I mentioned.
I do something just for me - it’s got to be something that will cheer me up and that I can do alone if I want to, or with a friend if I feel the need for company.
Sometimes it’s just staying at home with a favourite book or movie and some chocolate, or maybe I’ll take myself off shopping for the day (bookstores, mostly!), or maybe go to the spa for a bit of pampering.
More often than not, it’s just curling up on the sofa with the fuzzbutts - they’ll love me as long as I open tins of food for them but at least I know where I stand!
Moving out of your twenties, for some people (like me) comes with the realization that this feeling will come on a lot more than it did when you were younger.
As you get older, more and more of your friends will partner up and move on. And as you mature, the friends that don’t partner up and move on will seem way too stagnant for you. You don’t want to be “that guy.”
Feeling alone and partially unloved is part and parcel of the single adulthood that I know. I can’t speak for the married people, because I’m sure that some of them have similar times, expressed differently.
I will state honestly that I’m still working on this but…be yourself. It’s trite but true. Don’t define yourself in terms of a relationship. Do what you like. Come on down and talk to us. Sometimes there is no good answer to the question “What do I do to feel good again?” other than “Put your head down and walk out the other side.”
And you’ll find (as you are now) that you’re kind of weird but basically all right. And I will say for myself that as I’ve gotten older, the “basically all right” has started to be the predominant feeling. It’s not even necessarily the majority feeling at this point, but you’ll find some equilibrium.
(Sorry if I sound like I’m lecturing. I’m only 30. But I’ve dealt with some similar stuff lately and this is what I’ve discovered. Take it how you want.)
My ego goes into overdrive and I just think about how awesome, good-looking, and talented I am, and how everything is going to be fine. No, I’m not joking. Hey, it works for me.
Sounds like sadness which is very very differant to depression. The two are far too mixed together these days.
To me depression is feeling numb, it’s like staring into a black void.
When I’m sad I’m very much alive and feel much more aware of myself and what I’ve lost.
Seeing how happy you’ve been, just from the small window the Dope allows into your life, I’d say you’re mourning the loss of what you had. You’re gonna feel rough for a while, and so you should. It will pass.
Personally, I get through such times with quiet introspection. Or loud rowdy drunkeness with my friends. Something to buy myself time, but not to pretend nothing happened.
If I can force myself to go outside, that helps, being around other people, i.e. walking around downtown, taking a walk, etc. If I can’t bring myself to do that (or the weather is lousy) I read a good book.
My twenties were a roller coaster of loneliness, depression and self pity and wallowing.
At 40, I can say I haven’t had it in years. Alot of it has to do with the hippy-new agey saying of " Finding Oneself", becoming comfortable with who you are and learning to be by yourself, getting into a hobby or three, and the internet.
Before this thing called the internet, I use to take myself off to the movies alot and buy buttloads of books to read.
Also, after kids and marriage, you can never be alone too much.
Shirley I think I was trying to say the same thing but I should have been asleep instead.
For me the frequency of that feeling has not decreased yet, but instead of finding it a new shock each and every time, and wallowing in it, etc. - I’ve learned that it passes and how to deal with it.
Of course, I try to explain this before I’ve had coffee. I’ll just go sit over here now.
I savor my alone time. I spend it doing things that I want to do, from reading a favorite book to watching tv, playing on the internet, taking a nap, drink a bottle of wine and have a hot bubble bath etc.
It’s okay to be lonely for a little while. Take the opportunity to examine it and figure out what exactly the problem is. Do you feel abandoned/horny/worthless and single/unloved/etc? In the process you’ll get to know more about yourself, and you may well find that being lonely isn’t all that bad.
Sometimes I feel stuff because I feel like I’m SUPPOSED to feel that way. (Aren’t thirty-year-old single people supposed to feel lonely? When I thought about it I realized the answer really was “no, why should they.”)
In answer to your question: I do yoga (because for me it is distracting, easy, and very rewarding) and hang out with my dog. You can’t be lonely when you’ve got a dog, if only because of the folks you meet when you take him out. (Helps to have the world’s most gorgeous dog, like I do.)
Well, I know you and I don’t exactly have the best history between us but if you’ll let me impart this advice to you I would gladly offer it. I seek the comfort of Jesus in my times of need . I meditate on his sacrifice and what it must of been like for him to live knowing what he must do . I get the feeling your somewhat religious and I don’t know to what extent but I don’t think it makes a whole lot of difference . The courage and fortitude he displayed is beyond compare as a man and as a human being. I have made it my lifes work as of late to make that same sort of sacrifice that he did . I feel that only in this way can we as a people survive what is happening in our world . Furthermore I would again like to apoligize to you and hope you will accept in the spirit of forgiveness that Jesus so freely displayed.
Actually, no. No one had to say it. Apparently it’s become one of those SDMB things like “gotcha ya!” and “Hi, Opal!”. But at least those were funny the first few times. The ladle thing never was.
). This is also not mutually exclusive with the last thing I mentioned.