What happens if you say Cease & Desist to collectors?
I live with my partner who I will call Mrs C.
We are always receiving calls for Mr. C. whereas I, of course, am Mr. G. Recently Mrs C. was in bed when I took one of these calls:
Telesales person: Mr. C?
Me: No. I’m not Mr. C.
TP: May I speak to Mr. C?
Me: No.
TP: Why not?
Me: Because he’s not here.
TP: May I speak to Mrs. C?
Me: No.
TP: Why not?
Me: Because she’s in bed.
TP: Er, may I know who i’m talking to?
Me: Sure. I’m Mr. G. I’m currently sleeping with Mrs. C. She is upstairs awaiting my attention and becoming increasingly irate with each passing minute. What did you want?
Click.
Other than honesty, what stops you going straight to stage 2? 
Oh, how funny. I used to have a friend here at work that would call me up from his office and ask me that before he stated what needed for business. He left the Army though and last I heard moved down to California. Is that you, A? Don’t worry, I’m kidding…
Now to answer the question. My husband would put on this terribly fake East Indian accent and SCREAM in the phone that he couldn’t understand the caller.
Or, we’d put our three year old (at the time), very gregarious son on the phone with the caller. He had a half hour conversation once.
Mainly, though, the hubby would just start speaking in different funny accents and lead the telesales person down a very long and hard to understand road. I sometimes (not often), felt sorry for the telemarketer.
I politely interrupt them and tell them that I’m not interested. If they persist, I say I’m ending the conversation and hang up.
I’m not sure why so many people have such a hard time with telemarketers.
It’s just so easy to say no thanks and hang up.
I should have mentioned that we haven’t received a SINGLE telemarketer call since I signed up for the Do Not Call Registry. I signed up as soon as the registry came out.
I should have also mentioned that it was always my husband that did these fake accents and stuff. Lord, I TRIED to be polite and say no thank you, but some JUST WOULD NOT TAKE NO for an answer. I usually hung up then. But woe betide them if the hubby answered.
I say wait a minute please, I am just making sure I have your number as I plan to report you for violating the “Do Not Call List”.
It has only happen once so far and I did report them.
Jim
Around here it usually goes something like this.
Caller: Can I speak to (person)?
Me: S/he’s not in/busy right now.
Caller: When would be a good time to call back?
Me: There isn’t one.
(In the case of someone calling at work, this is quite true. Only times my father/boss is very likely to be in is 8am, noon and 4pm, and those are the times that everyone else comes in, because that’s when they know they’ll get to talk to him.)
Oh, wow.
I am so innocent.
Wow.
Apparently, I’m not living up to my my full evil potential.
This is going to be so much fun!
“Hello?”
“This is Bob with DirecTV. I’d like to…”
“DirecTV?”
“Yes. We’re offering a special pro…”
“Which telemarketing firm are you with.”
“DirecTV. Sir, we are…”
“No, no – I know that you’re calling for DirecTV, I need to know the name of your telemarketing firm.”
“It’s DirecTV.”
“DirecTV doesn’t have it’s own, internal, telemarketing division. You work for a telemarketing firm, and I need you to tell me the name of that firm right now!”
“It’s Nigel’s Garage Boiler Room Service.”
“Did you say 'Nigel’s Garage Boiler Room Service?”
“Yes, now about this promotion from DirecTV, we are offer…”
“Are you aware that Nigel’s Garage Boiler Room Service called me before, representing Bank of America? I told someone named Tom to put me on your do not call list.”
“Sir, I’m sorry, but we have to have time to process that request.”
“I told Tom to put me on your do not call list May 14th, at 6:42 pm. That’s over 50 days ago – you are allowed 31 days to put me on your list.”
“…”
“You are in violation of the FTC Telemarketing laws, and face a fine of up to $11,000 for this call.”
“clik”
“Hello? Hello?”
Bwahahahaha!
I just put the phone down on the bench and go back to what I was doing. They are always gone when I check a few minutes later.
I’m a fan of the most caring, understanding “Is this really what you wanted to do when you grew up?” I can summon up.