So, the phone rang this evening. The conversation went as follows:
Ring Ring
Green Bean: Hello?
Telejerk: Hi! This is Rich! I’m calling about your AT&T cellular account.
GB: Yes… (At this point, I assumed that it was a legitimate call from AT&T regarding my cellphone account.)
T: Well, I’d like to save you some money!
GB: Is this a telemarketing call?
T: No, I’d just like to save you some money on your phone bill! Are you on a contract?
GB: Yes…
T: Well, how long do you have left on your contract?
GB: Well, shouldn’t you have that information?
T: My computer froze up just as I called you. How much longer do you have on your contract?
GB: I’m not going to tell you that.
T: I’m trying to save you some money!
GB: How do you propose to save me money?
T: I can’t tell you that until I know about your contract. click
Your computer froze up? That’s rich. What a sneaky little scam. First you imply–but never say–that you’re calling from AT&T, so I think it’s a legit call. And then you expect me to tell you about my contract. When I balk at that, you play the “frozen computer” card. Next, I’ll bet you would have asked for my account information. And then…my social security number “for verification?”
Let me give you some advice. If you’re going to use the “my computer froze up” line, it’s best not to do it in the same slick rehearsed voice that you use to say “I’d like to save you some money!”
That reminds me of the time my local phone company called me up doing telemarketing. I have a password on my account and they wanted me to give it to them so that they could sell me more useless crap. I refused. The woman insisted, “but I am from ___, and I can see your password on my computer right now. I just need it for confirmation, and then we can discuss our great new offers!”
I knew it was my local phone company. They were calling everyone at that point. A real blitz. But I told her I had no way of verifying who she was and would not be giving out my account password to strangers over the telephone. Jeez.
Back when I still had my concert ticket pitch fresh in mind, I used to use it to turn telemarketing calls around…
TM: …you see, Mr. One, by switching to our service you can cut up to 40% off your local long distance bill. How does that sound?
Me: Excellent. But I have to ask you something…
TM: Sure!
Me: Are you a classic rock or oldies fan at all?
TM: Um, no, not really…
Me: But you are a firefighter fan, right?
TM: Yeah, of course. But–
Me: See, we’re putting on this benefit show for fire safety and protection programs. We have a couple classic rock acts lined up and it’s really a great show, but honestly, most people don’t come to the concert. It’s mainly about support for passing better laws to keep our guys safe out there. Can we count on you this year?
I got one of them “I’m calling from your carrier and you are entitled to a lower rate” calls. I asked for their phone number, and they gave me something ending in B-E-L-L. I got on a second phone, called the number, and got a Philadelphia art studio.
The woman asked me if I make the phone decisions for our company. I said “no,” and she said “Well, to get the special discount, just tell my supervisor that you do.” She puts me on with the supervisor. When supervisor asked me if I make the phone decisions for the company, I said “I don’t, but this stupid, lying, mother*ing bh told me to say I do.”
End of conversation with telephone company slammers.
I’ve done that before! My Dad used to get 3-4 calls a day from the same phone company (can’t remember who). When I went to visit I’d always grab one of the calls and say he’d gone out of town on business for a week, or however long I was there. The calls would stop. Yay!
Then I figured out I could tell them he was DEAD, and they’d stop calling altogether! Worked like a charm. I’ve done it several times since, and I started laughing (but I made it sound like crying, more points!) when one telemarketer said something like “Well then maybe YOU would like to buy some of this”. That was awful and wonderful at the same time.
I tell people I don’t do any business over the phone (I don’t) and then hang up. I don’t let them waste my time and don’t waste my own by playing games with them.
And I don’t do business over the phone. I don’t buy anything, I don’t do any charity over the phone. I’m sorry about that, Firefighters for Disabled Kids, but I have no guarantee you are who you say you are.
it’s simple… Tell them your not interested and in the most sugar coated voice you can create tell them thank you so very much for calling and hang up…they are dumbfounded by that.
OK, I need a little advice. I’ve been avoiding TM calls for quite a while (due to caller ID). There’s on call in particular that I hate, and I’ve never wanted to answer. But now I’ve changed my mind – I want to play with these people like a cat plays with a mouse. I want these idiots to think twice about ever calling me again. I want them to consider that they may face serious jail time.
You’ve probably gotten the call – a local sattelite TV company just so happens to be in my neighborhood and wants to do a free install.
Any fun suggestions on how to deal with these people?
Don’t bother. If it’s a small operation like the company I worked for the caller will just give up and go on to the next prospect if you give them any static. Yeah, I once tried telemarketing for a home improvement company for a week and we had the same spiel. You know, they’re not really in your neighborhood, they probably just have a phone book organized by street and happen to be on the page with your street that day.
I hate those goddam satellite installation calls. I get them at least twice a week, and the bastards always call when I’m not home, so I can’t even interrupt to insist they take me off their list and never call again. I just get fifty bajillion messages about how in my neighborhood they are, and that they’d be just tickled pink if I would condscend to let them hook me up. Dumbasses.
I’m half tempted to call their 800 number and bitch them out, but maybe that would be counterproductive…
We get the satellite installers quite a bit, which strikes me as silly. We already have a dish. I don’t think I need more.
I would play with them, except for two problems.
They always call during the day. That would be during the day when I am at work earning enough money to pay for satellite service.
They are quite obviously machine generated calls. My answering maching will have 3-5 seconds of silence and then a voice starts talking that is speaking in a clearly recorded manner.
I always enjoy when a telemarketer asks to speak to the lady of the house. I reply, “Speaking!” which usually elicits silence as I am male and sound nothing like a female.
I’ve got something really frustrating going on, but can’t figure out how to stop it. someone calls me about once a day and hangs up, but in such a way that the lines stays open or something, because my answering machine records: “Doodoodoo! we’re sorry, your call did not go through. please try your call again…”
I have no callerid, and no way to tell who it was to tell them to stop calling. very frustrating…
When I worked as an administrative assistant for a small company, I had to become an expert at screening out telemarketing calls.
I fielded my fair share of them and eventually I reached a point where, as soon as I recognized a call as coming from a telemarketer, I would simply hang up, not saying anything. That total refusal to give them even the basic human dignity of saying, “sorry, we’re not interested” drives them nuts. More than once, they would call back and call me bitch, cunt, you name it and slam down the phone.
My favorites were the young punks (voices barely changed) from some junk investment firm who would pretend that they were business associates of my boss . They were easily recognizable because they always mispronounced his name in the exact same way. They obviously had gotten it from the same telemarketing list on which it was misspelled. What always had me rolling on the floor was when these $6.00/hr. losers would try to get big with me and say, “I’m going to get you fired, bitch.” Like they were under the assumption that I was just some bimbo, the only creature even lowlier than themselves, instead of the king of that little office. My boss and I shared many good laughs about these losers.
The one call that stands out in my mind to this day: Some telemarketing bimbo starts her spiel. I cut her off and say, “sorry, we’re not interested” and hang up. Two minutes later she calls back and says in this phony befuddled, rehearsed tone: “I didn’t quite understand what you said. Can you tell me what you meant? What exactly is it you’re not interested IN?” Mercy, mercy, mercy.
I know this is the Pit, mainly to complain, but I will now give Helpful Advice that alot of people already know.
The Most Effective Ways to get Rid of Telemarketers:
Everytime a telemarketer calls, politely ask, “Please put me on your ‘do-not-call list.’ Goodbye.” By law, they cannot call you again (and cannot sell your name, I think.) Before the below-mentioned law took effect in Kentucky, this is what I did, and 80% of our telemarketing calls stopped. Don’t let them talk to you after you tell them this. Be polite, yet brief.
Move to Kentucky, which has a wonderful No-Call list that fines telemarketers $5000 for each unsolicited call they place to anyone on the list. (this doesn’t apply to charities, political campaigns, or phone research surveys, however. Or anyone you already have a business relationship with.) If you already live in Kentucky and want to be on this magical list, go here: http://www.kycall0.net/
I think that they are both the result of computer generated calls. Anyways, the first one is when I pick up the phone on the third or fourth ring and there is this pause and then a pre-recorded older gentleman’s voice comes on and says in his oh-so grandfatherly way “I’m sorry, I must have the wrong number.” I guess they do this so that you aren’t so mad about answering the phone and there not being anyone there.
The second is even funnier. We occassionally get a message on our answering machine that goes as follows. “Hi guys, this is Dan over at XXXX. Just wanted to give you a call to see…here, wait a minute, let me give you my number first. It is XXX-XXX-XXXX. We saw that …etc., etc.” It is hilarious because it is a recording that is attempting to sound like an “authentic” phone call, not some pre-recorded gibberish. We get this message maybe twice a week.
I almost always say “please put me on your do-not-call list,” and it has worked well. We don’t get anywhere near as many calls as we used to. Perhaps that’s why I wasn’t on my guard more at the beginning of the call.
You know what steams me the most about stupid telemarketer tricks? It’s that the telemarketing apologists love to claim that it is a legitimate way of doing business, that many people appreciate the calls, that they are offering valuable products. But if it is so legit, why do they have to resort to trickery?
More than once, they would call back and call me bitch, cunt, you name it and slam down the phone.