twice. in the same thread. reading the SDMB and its various topics, the last thing i’d expect to get confused over are shoes. shoes! learn something everyday.
I can say the exact same thing for the ‘no shoes’ policy, Podkayne. it’s just plain rude to track dirt and mud all over the clean floor when everyone else is barefoot and sprawled all over the carpet. don’t you enjoy walking on carpet, grass or fine white sand? this is a house, where you take off your shoes and feel at home. you don’t need to wear shoes to protect yourself from the dirt and debris you get outside.
and i agree with Priceguy. i have seen american sitcoms where they sit down on the crouch in front of the tv and prop their (shoed) legs on the table, where they put the food! always thought that it is a movie thing.
Not any dirtier than it would be anyway after the dogs run in an out fifty zillion times a day and the cats track around with their little litterbox toesies. I gotta sweep most days anyway, because of the pet hair, so what’s the biggie about sweeping up a little extra when I do it?
I agree with those who have been saying that it’s a very regional thing in the US - this matches my experience.
I grew up in Dallas/Fort Worth, and often visited my parents’ extended families in West Virginia as a kid. “Shoes-on” was most definitely the norm in both of those places.
Matter of fact, it wasn’t until I got to graduate school in California that I was even introduced to the idea of removing shoes upon entering a house. Even here I encounter it almost exclusively in the homes of folks who weren’t raised in the US. My wife was born and raised here, and all of her family and friends keep “shoes-on” homes.
I put on my shoes when I get dressed in the morning, and frequently leave them on until shortly before bed in the evening. I double-knot my laces, and taking them off/putting them back on is a PITA. So my answers to these questions:
are Yes and Yes. (Ironically, I’m barefoot as I type this, though. :smack: )
When I enter a “shoeless” home, I take my shoes off - normally not because I am asked to do so, but because I figure it out from the shoe rack near the door. It doesn’t bother me, but it’s different enough from my normally-encountered practices that I do notice it, of course. I have no desire to adopt this practice in my own home, either.
Seeing a few answers on preview: My shoes are stored in roughly the same place as the rest of my clothing - some are stored on the closet floor, and the rest are in a dedicated shoe rack which sits at the foot of our bed. In most “shoes-on” homes I’ve encountered (which, like I said, means “most houses”), it is considered rude to put one’s shod feet on a sofa or coffee table. If you’re curled up or laying down on the couch, your shoes are off. This is (IME) as unspoken and universally understood as the “shoes-off-at-the-door” standard is where it is practiced.
And, no, I don’t feel our home & floors are particularly dirty. When one’s shoes are particularly muddy, it is standard to remove them before entering a house to avoid tracking it in (we’re not complete savages!). Only once in a blue moon, though, is that necessary.
Going shoeless in the house is becoming increasingly common here. We tend to walk around in sock feet. This is of course reinforced in the winter by our wearing vast slush-laden boots.
The custom is by no means a certainty though. I now ask “Take off shoes?” when going to an unfamiliar house, same as I wait after being served dinner to see whether there is a family custom of saying grace (some do, some don’t).
I guess it all depends how you were brought up and in what region. It would never occur to me to take off my shoes in someone’s home. It’s just way too informal, like I’m at home or something. (I would kick off my shoes at my mom’s house, no problem).
I do generally change into slippers at home, but no big rush, I usually do it when I’m changing from work clothes to comfier clothes. My boyfriend has some kind of bare feet/sock feet issue - he wears shoes all the time in the house. We have hardwood floors and I run the swiffer every couple of days and mop once a week - I don’t have to clean up huge crusty piles of dirt or anything, so I don’t really understand all the angst about shoes in the house. If someone asked me to take my shoes off, I would do it, but I would think they were slightly loco (and poor hosts, as well).
I am curious how it works - do you have a chair or something to sit on so people with lace-up shoes can remove them in comfort? I’m trying to imagine how this would work in my tiny little entrance way, there is no place to sit, no place to leave shoes and it’s a pretty far walk to the closest chair.
My hardwood floors are icy in winter. I feel sorry for anyone that comes to visit, takes off their shoes and wanders about in light weight socks - they will FREEZE.
For those of you who keep your shoes on in your own homes, why do you do so? I’m not asking to be snarky or anything, but do you find the floor cold, do you feel underdressed without your shoes on, or perhaps you’ve grown so used to wearing your shoes at home that you don’t think about it?
I’m really curious - in my home growing up (I lived in southern IN), we rarely wore shoes unless we were a) leaving the house, or b) had guests over who were not family. As I mentioned earlier, most of my friends appear to wear shoes in their homes, but I’ve never thought to ask them why.
Okay, I had a long line-by-line response typed out, but here’s what it boils down to:
If my host asks me to take my shoes off, I comply. Even if they don’t, if I couldn’t get my shoes clean by wiping them on the mat on my way in, I would ask my host if they didn’t mind me taking my shoes off. So I don’t buy the “wearing shoes inside is rude” line. Tracking in a small amount of normal dirt from average, clean shoes is not rude, because floors are expected to be walked on and expected to get dirty. It’s not any ruder than leaving food residue on a dinner plate.
Despite the fact that my husband and I wear shoes in our house, it somehow is still clean and comfortable due to the use of the vacuum cleaner and the broom. I have to vacuum every other week or so, anyway, to pick up the cat hair, and I clean the kitchen floor regularly because crumbs and little dribs and drabs of things get dropped. Shoe dirt is the least of my housekeeping worries.
Dirt is not the antithesis of all that is good and true and right. It’s just dirt. It gets on the floor, you sweep it up. If your floors can’t stand up to it, I think that you’ve made a silly choice of floor treatments.
Asking guests to take off their shoes, especially when they’re not expecting it, exposes them to pontential embarassment due to the state of their socks, their food odor, or maybe the fact that the just don’t like people seeing their feet, and I wouldn’t want to make a guest in my home feel uncomfortable that way. But your house, your rules, alright?
I don’t like the no shoes policy. I’m more comfortable with shoes on. And wear them at home for the most part. It also makes it easier to go outside if you need to (can’t really go outside where I live without shoes on).
We go to one Christmas party every year where the host has a no shoes policy. When it’s time to go, there are 25 people all trying to get their shoes on. It can take about half an hour just to get out the door.
Bahh. I doubt it hardly makes a difference.
Work in a zoo?
I was thinking the same.
Of course.
Nope.
I would absolutely decline a party invite if I thought I’d have to take my shoes off.
I plan my outfits, and that includes shoes. If I’m wearing a skirt and nice top with a kicky pair of heels, I’m not taking them off. No way, no how. I wear them for a reason, and that is because I like the way they look and I do not feel comfortable walking around in my stockings. I’m not an animal and I’ve never dragged mud through someone’s living room, or made any mess at all with my shoes.
I was so uncomfortable when some friends and I went to this Japanese restaurant and they made us take our shoes off. It was summer and I was wearing sandals, so that left me barefoot. I will never, ever go back there.
As for your precious carpet, why do you buy it if not to walk upon? Not only do I not take mine off, I would be appalled if someone walked into my apartment and kicked theirs off. Unless, of course, it’s my fiance or daughter.
Feet are gross. I do not care to show them, and I do not want to see them.
I rent at this time in my life, and probably will for the next few years. I try to vaccum as often as possible, but being a full time student, working 30 hours a week, and trying to have a life and still read my precious books once in awhile, I tend to slack off in the floor cleaning department. That said, it would be better if I had a shoes off policy for sure. I don’t have a foyer though, and nowhere to put slippers or take them off. I also have an cat that goes out and tracks crap in occasionally. In this apartment though it is too much trouble, but I will say when I buy a house, it will have a nice foyer, and shoes off will be the norm. I will also not have any cats or dogs.
I totally understand the viewpoints to the contrary, and it does seem silly either way, but I like it for the sheer idea that it seems much more civilized to take off your shoes and put indoor shoes or slippers on than tromping around the house in your boots. Strictly forced I disagree with, but overall it is good to not wear the shoes all the time, IMO of course. Some good posts pro and con here though.
As I am embarking on setting up my own living space - here’s my goal for the whole (no) shoe thing. Shoe rack, mat, and chair by the door, along with the coat hangars, the key rack and the mail holder. Guest slippers of a comfortable and easily washable sort right by my house slippers. When I enter I take off my shoes and put on slippers or not depending on mood - guests are welcome to do the same, without comment from me either way.
In as formal of a situation as I’m likely to host (ie casual gathering of friends with a preplanned menu) I’ll ask to take coats and offer slippers - otherwise, if you’re coming into my space you are near and dear enough to me that making yourself at home should go without saying. (or saying more than once, anyway.) Formal events are different, and may I never host one. Holes in socks are easily hidden by slippers, and physical needs obviously outweigh my desire for a more casual, soft environment.
I’d prefer a no shoes house, I’m more comfortable without shoes and in winter things are messy out there. I’m not going to ask guests to comply with that - though I will ask family members. (Hey, keep your big dirty boots off my carpet, you rascals!) My family is a usually no shoes house as well, so I know it won’t make them uncomfortable to walk around in slippers/barefoot. (My sister went a few years living almost solely in ballet flats, even in winter, even outside, because she objected to “real” shoes.)
I’m fine with shoes or no shoes, when I was small my parent’s house was a shoe house, and we have gradually shifted to being a no shoe house - but obviously we’ve been flexable for years.
My only question about the shoes/no shoes issue is this:
How convenient is it to take said shoes on and off in the house? There’s nothing that irritates me more than going to somebody’s house and having to balance on one foot in a narrow entryway while I try to untie my shoe and take it off, switching feet and doing it again. Having to repeat the same experience on the way out usually bugs me too.
If there’s a chair or stool or something, then it’s not so bad.
Another thing… if it’s a foreign family of some sort, I don’t really think much of it. But if it’s a normal US family, in my mind, it usually smacks of pretension. Kind of a “OUR stuff is so nice and so important that we have to inconvenience you when you come into our home.”. It’s almost as if having to take the shoes off is meant to drive home the fact that they spent a bunch of money on whatever flooring or carpeting they bought.
My apartment is strictly “no shoes.” I provide clean socks or slippers to those who want them. Street filth is not welcome in my house, especially now that I live in a carpeted rental with a landlord who’s obsessive about potential damage.
I grew up in a house where mom and kids were no shoes, and dad insisted on wearing shoes. He was/is constantly tracking dirt and mud through the house. His attitude was always, “Oh well, (my wife) can clean it up, that’s what she’s there for.” I take perverse pleasure in forcing him to take his shoes off in my house.
If I’m having someone in that I don’t know well, I usually let them make the decision. The house rule is obvious because of the shoes/socks/slippers on the mat outside the front door. I’m not going to fight with anyone over it.
If I received an invitation that said “no shoes” I would simply say “no thanks” and decline.
If someone tracks dirt into my house, well, it’s a dirty world. I’ll laugh about it and clean it up.
If someone takes off their shoes in my house, well, I don’t. They might step in a puddle from melting snow.
I believe Miss Manners has said that it’s rude to ask guests to take off their shoes, as it implies your carpet is more important than their comfort.
I don’t like to wear shoes in my own house-I never do-but at someone else’s, I usually do.
Even if people take off their shoes, there’s still the chance of the carpet getting dirty. People might-gasp!-spill something! Oh horrors!
Used slippers-yuck. Athlete’s foot, anyone?
If people WANT to take their shoes off, fine. If you come from a culture that dictates this, that’s one thing (although I don’t think it should be insisted on for everyone-I once had horrible plantar’s warts and I would have been horrified to have to show them off), but just because of the carpet? What do you do if you have an accident and spill something?
My aunt’s like this-she stopped the “no shoes” thing because people just ignored it, but she’s anal to the point of making people very uncomfortable in her house. Before allowing my mother to view her daughter’s wedding album, she said, “Are your hands clean?” She screamed at my grandfather for dribbling coffee on her carpet one Christmas, despite the fact that he was recovering from several strokes, has epilepsy and was having trouble adjusting to his new meds, so he was very out of it. Because of this, I HATE going to her house and avoid it whenever possible.
Well, this is certainly sensible.
Reading the responses of some who feel negatively about no-shoes policies, one would think I’m wrestling my dinner guests at the door, flipping them over and forcibly removing their shoes. Honestly, over the decades I think I’ve hosted perhaps 4 people who were either so incapable of reading social cues or simply cared so little about my wishes that they refused to honor our customs. Even the furnace guy asks if he should remove his shoes (I say ‘no’, since he’s here on business, and I wouldn’t go into our basement without shoes on) A neighbor once declined my invitation to take off her shoes and come in the house with the excuse that she was only staying for a moment. So she and I spent that moment chatting on the porch. One dear friend who spends weekends with us on a regular basis wore shoes for the first couple of days of his first visit, then without comment or fanfare chose to follow our customs like everyone else in the party.
This isn’t as big a deal as some are making it out to be.
And my floors are far from expensive … does this mean they deserve careless treatment from my guests? How many dollars must I spend on my floors before they are deemed worthy of respect?
I understand that you’re not trying to be difficult with these questions - they are pretty natural ones. My brief answer would be the third of the options you propose - I just don’t think about it. Here’s my longer answer:
I sleep and go about my pre-shower morning routine barefoot. On weekends this can stretch for several hours. After showering I usually get dressed straightaway in whatever I’ll be wearing that day: pants, shirt, socks and shoes. Shoes and socks are almost always put on at the same time. Both are stored in our bedroom, and for most of my life I’d sit down on the bed to put them on. Now, however, our bed is a bit tall to do that comfortably, so I normally take them to the living room and put them on while sitting on the sofa.
The reason for this, I think, is convenience. If I’m sitting down specifically to put stuff on my feet, I might as well take care of both shoes and socks and be done with it.
In the evening, the time at which I take my shoes off can vary quite a bit. Now that I think about it, it’s usually whenever I take my pants off (removal of shoes is usually necessary for this). This may be almost immediately - especially if it’s somewhat late when I get home - but it need not be. If I’m sitting on the couch, or fixing dinner, or doing some work in the spare bedroom I may stay fully dressed for some time - shoes included. It largely depends on my mood. It is relatively rare for me to simply remove my shoes without also making more sweeping changes to my attire.
This is probably for convenience, as well. Shoes themselves don’t really get a whole lot of thought when I’m at home - I can have them on, or not. They usually go on when it’s convenient to do so (e.g., when I’m putting on my socks), and are removed when I have a reason to take them off (e.g., I feel like changing to more casual lounging attire and they need to come off, anyway).
This is all assuming that I don’t change outfits during the day. On most days I do not, so the above pattern is fairly typical.
If I feel there’s a risk of tracking mud, dirt, dog poo, or anything else into my own or anyone’s house, I will take my shoes off before entering. As in, while I’m still out on the porch, and my shoes will typically be left outside until I either leave or get a chance to clean them. Leaving a visible trail of stuff from your shoes is considered rude around here, and the owner of the home would not be out of place in pointing it out. (The owner of the shoes, had they any manners at all, would be mortified that they had not checked their shoes before walking in and would quickly apologize while immediately removing their shoes and asking the owner where they could be put.)
I think I give my feet a quick wipe on the ever-present doormat as a matter of course when I enter a home - my own or someone else’s. I’ll have to pay attention to myself to be sure, though - I think it’s totally automatic.
I have another question-if you’re going to spend upwards of thousands of dollars on your floors and carpet, why wouldn’t you get something that stands up to everyday wear and tear?
i can’t imagine wearing shoes inside all of the time. then again, that might be because i’m from new england, and right now, wearing shoes inside would just track snow, salt, sand, water, and other ickyness everywhere. even during the summer, though, i usually take off my shoes at someone’s house. probably be in stocking feet, but shoes? i mean, i would never force someone to take off their shoes, but i can’t imagine it being comfortable. i usually just kick off my shoes when i get inside, and then shove them back on when i leave. but whatever. if shod feet are your cup of tea, ok.
I hate wearing shoes. I would go without them all the time if the outdoors were more accomodating. I go barefoot or socked, depending on the season and the state of my feet, when I’m in my apartment, my parents’ house, and my close friends’ houses/apartments. I find it weird when friends leave shoes on at my house–before my BF was my BF, he used to do this from time to time and I always felt like it must be terribly uncomfortable.
For the same reason (implication of a certain degree of familiarity), I consider it rude to take my shoes off in any house that hasn’t been opened up to me as a sort of home–refrigerator privileges, free range of the house, etc. In places where that’s not the case, I only take my shoes off when bidden to do so for the sake of the floors.
I don’t have a problem with being asked to take my shoes off, but I can see how people might. I do find it a little weird to host a party and stipulate on the invitations that shoes aren’t allowed–to me it seems like forcing a degree of familiarity that might not be warranted for everybody present. Although I must say: kudos to them for mentioning it up front rather than springing it on people at the door when they might not be prepared (smelly feet, embarrassing toenail fungus, old socks, etc.)