If you warn people of the “no shoes” policy in advance before coming to your home then that’s not quite so bad but if you tell them at your doorstep then that is quite unfair.
I visited a niece’s home at Christmas with my mother. It was supposed to be a quick visit, I had worked part of the day and we had just spent a few hours at my sister’s and I just wanted to go home. It was cold and rainy that day and my mother tells me at the doorstep we have to take our shoes off on the cold, wet porch. I was not happy about this and actually tried to tell her no, I wasn’t going to do that and I would rather just leave. But she was too quick for me and went inside so I had to follow her to say hello to everyone. (I was already a little ticked at her for making me stop and talk to a bunch of neighbors in the damn cold and telling them what I do for a living which I have repeatedly asked her not to do. I wasted more time with those people I wasn’t even related to than I spent with my relatives.)
I hear a discussion between my niece and her boyfriend about the dog having peed on the porch and she stepped in it in her socks and he was saying he cleaned it up and it was just wet. She said all he did was get it more wet. We end up on the porch which has an outdoor carpet and I purposely try to avoid the area in question but my mother insists on dragging me around introducing me to people. At one point she insists on going to that end of the porch which I was avoiding and I tried to hold back but she kept telling me to come forward so sure enough I stepped in the cold, wet spot. About this time my niece mentions the pee spot which I was already standing in thankyouverymuch. At this point I am getting really pissed off (pun always intended), I make a little chit chat and then say that I really need to get home as it’s getting dark and it’s raining neither of which I like to drive in. I just step in my shoes instead of putting them on properly because I don’t want to touch my wet pee-pee socks and stomp to my car and drive home in my cold wet socks.
Frankly, I am of the opinion that if you cannot have people walk on your floors in shoes then either never invite people over or get some plastic runners to put on your floors when you have company or at least have plenty of slippers for everyone. I’d much rather stick to standing on plastic than have to take off my shoes and risk stepping in things in my socks or bare feet.
A question for all you “no shoes” people, what to do you with repairmen? I have my doubts that Joe the plumber is going to want to pluck off his workboots for you.
Partly it is because our house is cold. I usually take my shoes off when I come in and put on slippers, because it’s more comfortable, but if I go about in stocking feet in winter it’s too cold. When I leave my shoes on, it’s just because it’s more convenient. I often walk through the door with my arms full, and I don’t want to drop everything to take off my shoes (unless they’re wet or muddy.) I just want to take my books to the table and the groceries to the kitchen and unload. Then I start making dinner, or flop down on the couch or whatever, and, horror of horrors, my shoes are still on my feet, shedding their foetid filth and grime, befouling the carpet, besmirching the linoleum and threatening the general welfare. And that’s how I like it.
Whatever gives you that impression? For one’s hostess to say, “Please take your shoes off” doesn’t imply physical coersion, but the vast majority of guests who would be more comfortable with their shoes on will, without complaint, make themselves uncomfortable to comply with their hostess’s wishes. Making people uncomfortable is not as rude as physically assaulting them, I will grant you that.
If they decline to remove their shoes, which many people regard to be a rude and unmannerly request, then you write them off as insensitive boors. I agree, that’s certainly more gracious than physically removing the shoes yourself–by a whisker.
It’s that some of us think of taking shoes off at the door as a nice way to prevent a mess that we’re just going to have to clean up. I do it for the same reason that I try to keep from dropping crumbs on the floor. I don’t have a maid and I hate to vacuum.
And for people worried about their floors, the idea is not that the floor can’t withstand everyday wear and tear. It’s that they want the things to stay looking new. Even sturdy floors start to look scuffed, stained, scratched, etc. after “everyday wear and tear.”
(This next part isn’t directed at Guin or anyone else in particular.)
I make a polite request of my guests to remove their shoes. I don’t throw a fit or force anyone. Polite people will comply and not make a big deal of it. When I have a guest who prefers to refuse, I do the polite thing and let it slide.
I find it so disheartening that people seem always to be looking for reasons to be angry at their hosts or their guests. Maybe there should be one basic rule: go out of your way to honor other peoples’ feelings and concerns. I have friends who think “no shoes” is silly or dumb, but they just laugh and take off their shoes anyway, and think no more of it. When I have people to dinner, if I invite a vegetarian or a person with allergies, I make sure there’s something they can eat. As a single person, I never expect to have my SO of the moment invited to a wedding, but my friends go out of their way to invite him if it’s possible.
I don’t understand why people seem to relish these situations as opportunities to bitch and get all bent out of shape about how “dumb” the preferences and customs of their supposed friends and family are.
One of my exceptions is for “transient visitors” (i.e., people not staying long), and especially for workmen, who often need footwear for safety’s sake.
However, I often have repairmen yank off their boots at the door when they see my shoe rack/slipper selection. I usually tell them it’s not necessary, and they almost always insist on taking them off anyway.
When the hubby and I are eating dinner, we often reuse the salad plate for the main course, just 'cause we’re not that picky about a smear of salad dressing, and we don’t like doing dishes.
But I would never dream of saying to a dinner guest, “I’d prefer not to wash an extra dish, so I’m going to put your pasta on your salad plate. That cool with you?”
Would you say to a guest, “Please take your shoes off, because I don’t like to vacuum?” Maybe close friends, sure. I, at least, haven’t argued against that in this thread. But if you’re having a party fancy enough to send out invitations, why would you effectively tell your guests that their comfort isn’t worth spending 15 minutes with a vacuum cleaning up afterwards?
It isn’t? The way people here are talking, you’d think their floors were made out of spun sugar, inlaid with precious gem stones and trimmed in gold!
Seriously-if dirt is a problem, prepare the entry way: put down an old sheet, some plastic runners, have a trash can and some paper toils and wet wipes nearby.
I have Raynaud’s Syndrome, where my hands and feet go numb and turn white if I get cold. If it’s cold out, and I had to take off my shoes, and go about in my socks, I have to deal with not being able to feel my toes. (At home I sometimes have to wear TWO pairs of socks AND slippers…and my toes still go numb).
Farmwoman, what about the woman TeaElle mentioned, who must wear shoes with her leg brace? What if someone has a prostetic leg and taking off their shoes would be awkward? So they’re “rude and clueless?”
Again-if keeping your floors looking “forever new” is so important to you, perhaps you shouldn’t invite people over?
I’m kind of surprised at how strongly some people feel about taking off their shoes, even to the point of declining to attend a party or go to a friend’s house because of it. It never occurred to me that being asked to take one’s shoes off could be considered so offensive. Then again, I think it’s also mildly tacky to send out an invitation stating “No shoes.”
I guess it depends on the attitude of the askee. If I really wanted someone to take their shoes off and they just didn’t get it, I’d probably ask, “Would you feel more comfortable without your shoes? You’re welcome to put them on the shoerack with everyone else’s.” But I can’t imagine pushing the issue if they said no.
Sorry if I hijacked the thread a bit - thanks for answering my questions, Podkayne and brad_d.
Putting your feet up on a table is directly gross to me… shoes or no shoes. I don’t care if you just showered and had a full pedicure, feet do not go on tables.
There’s puffs, if you want to put your feet up. You do not put food on puffs, you do not put feet or butts on tables. Got that?
And yes, I’ve worked and/or visited with Americans who would do it. Makes me want to throw up, but thankfully I am gifted with a very solid stomach and manage to just put my food aside for the remainder.
The reason Mom (and I repeat most Moms in my area) tell people to wear shoes in the house is to keep the tiled floors shiny and sweaty-footprint-free. Mind you, I grew up in a place that’s been used to simulate Arizona in movies, so even when it rains it’s usually 15 minutes of deluge and half an hour later it’s all dry, and our idea of “cold” is -1C at 6am, +19C at 4pm.
The people I know who have “generic slippers for visitors” use the same ones that you’re given at some hotels, with the back open and made of towelcloth. You wash them whenever they’ve been used.
Me neither. This is universally regarded as gross.
Me neither. I don’t think I have to explain a reasonable preference. I simply say, “If you wouldn’t mind, I prefer it if people take their shoes off at the door.” If they don’t want to, I deal. Most people don’t mind at all.
This is not universally regarded as gross. In fact, in many parts of the world, it is the custom. It is very common in the places I have lived.
Geez, whoodathunk that this would rile some people so much? I’m staying outta this one…but my experience:
Born and raised in NJ in a shoes-on house. Never occurred to me to do it any other way…until I moved to Hawaii. For those of you who are offended at the idea of taking your shoes off, don’t ever move there.
Now, even though I’m no longer in Hawaii, I wear shoes as little as possible. Relative to when I was young, my feet feel much better. (Breathe, my little friends!) All the time. And I no longer have athlete’s foot, which was pretty much a constant when I was younger.
Dirt doesn’t just dirty carpets. It ruins them. Dirt gets ground into the fibers and tears them. You buy cheap carpets and they get ruined in 2 years. You buy nice carpets, they get ruined in 10. In both cases, you can extend them by keeping them clean.
Even if it didn’t, removing your shoes is such a minor thing. I can’t believe the things people are saying about it. . .the time it takes? no room? athletes foot in slippers? blood stained socks? Prosthetics? What is this, the planet of giant, one-legged, bleeding, lazy freaks, or Earth?
Every day wear and tear is not a house full of guests with HARD RUBBER SOLES with dirt on them. Every day wear and tear is people walking around in their socks and slippers.
For formal parties, the rule is usually broken. Parties make the house a mess anyway, so might as well deal with the shoes.
In my house, I don’t strictly keep a shoes on or off policy (I’ve removed the rug to expose the nice wooden floor, so mud is not as much a problem), but I’ve grown up in a shoes-off household, and I just plain feel weird wearing shoes indoors. I almost always take my shoes off if I’m in the house of a friend.
I know the host should make the guest feel comfortable, but the guest should also respect the rules of the house. A gracious house will provide his guests with slippers. Personally, I don’t see the big deal about not wearing your shoes, and don’t understand why people would be so obstinate about it, but I grew up with shoelessness being the norm, so there ya have it.
Exactly. You don’t have a house full of guests every day. On special occassions, you expect to do more cooking, do more dishes, do more cleaning afterwards, and incur a little more wear and tear (in the form of scuffs, spills, and other damage to your home) than is usual for the everyday. And you put up with this becasue you enjoy your guests’ company.
This is obviously a much bigger issue than it seems at first glance. At my house, it wasn’t so much a matter of we want to keep our floors looking nice longer, or our carpets/rugs are so nice that they’re far too good for your shoes, but more out of respect. I’ve been walking around outside with my shoes on. Who knows what I’ve stepped in? What if I just stepped in dog crap? I can scrape it off as much as I can, but I doubt the host is going to be all that happy if he/she knows. That’s obviously not the ordinary, but the principle applies. It just illustrates the boundaries between the outside world and the inside of somebody’s home.
Maybe it’s a cultural thing. But now I’m paranoid that when I have a place of my own, people are going to either refuse to come because they know I’d prefer they took their shoes off, or think I’m some kind of anal retentive jerk who doesn’t want to vaccuum.
i almost never walk around the house in bare foot or socks, even. i’m all about shoes. all the time. i think my feet are actually more comfortable in shoes than barefoot. i like the structure of shoes.
i have friends that make you take off your shoes in their apartment. first of all, it’s a shitty, old apartment. the carpet must be 15 years old, that stuff is threadbare. and for some reason when they ask me to take off my shoes i feel some strong resentment there, for no apparent reason. i was strangely insulted by it.
but i took them off. after a couple beers i had to use the toilet. this apartment has the wierdest electrical switch layout, so you basically have to walk all the way to the toilet in the dark. and, unbeknownst to me, they use the guest bathroom as the “cat room.” so i stepped right in the cat water with my socks.
For me, not wearing shoes is akin to not earing a bra. If someone else is comfortable sans bra or shoes, that’s fine. But for me? Without shoes my arches hurt. Without a bra my breasts hurt. Without shoes I am self-conscious. Without a bra I am self-conscious. I would not attend a party that said “No bras.” I would not attend a party that said “No shoes.” Bras and shoes are articles of clothing that some people regard as uncomfortable that I will not go into public without.
So, not only is it rude to ask your guests to remove their shoes, when you go to someone’s house, you should ask before you remove your shoes, if it’s not an informal gathering between family or close friends.
I spend most of the time shoeless for comfort, but when I walk in to the house it might take a while to reach that state. I probably wouldn’t lounge on the couch with my shoes, but I might cook dinner or do some light cleaning before getting around to taking my shoes of. Heck, sometimes my feet need protection from my floor!
I have no problem taking off my shoes at other people’s houses, and most people take off theirs at ours. But I would never dream of asking an older person or anyone I am meeting formally (salesman, business associate, SO’s parents) to take off their shoes.
