I’m another person who usually feels sadness and fatigue instead of anger.
However, I seem to have a surplus of annoyance and irritation…
Ditto. Even now as an adult, TV anger still feels vaguely unreal and unrelateable.
When I get angry, I just walk away or tell the person to leave me alone and go away.
It’s probably kept me out of prison a few times.
I suppose terminology will be a bit subjective, but I think one can be angry, and express it, without being irrational. OTOH, if someone’s behavior has devolved to the point where they are seeking to emotionally or physically injure another person (either directly with insults/violence or indirectly, as via damaging property), then I would say they have surpassed being simply angry and are in a rage.
I’m generally calm and non-panty twisting. I had a crazy-ass sig other who had terrible anger issues and would constantly try to provoke me into screaming fights; the mere fact I was calm infuriated her, she would say that “I thought I was better than her” because I wouldn’t be goaded into rage.
Some studies are showing that venting anger is actually counterproductive.
I look up to people that don’t appear to get angry. It takes a pretty enlightened being to not experience anger.
Not expressing anger is a step in the right direction and a necessary precondition to not experiencing it.
They’re probably a serial killer.
j/k
I do typically think they have a dark side though. Anger is a normal human emotion and if you bottle it up you’re going to unleash it on some unfortunate soul from time to time.
My dad did this about once a month to me and my mom. Nobody else knew about it and thought he was the nicest guy ever.
That they’re an adult and professional.
Showing anger is like crying–shows immaturity and lack of self control.
I do not show anger, I pretty much do not show any negative emotion to anyone other than a close friend or relative and then they would have no reason to make me angry. I think of it as a matter of honor to myself that I never allow the annoy-er to know I am annoyed. I find that my cool lack of emotion bothers them and, oops I won!
Especially in the professional business world. I’m dumbfounded how permissive the business world is of anger displays. Pounding the table, tossing chairs (e.g. Microsoft) and cussing out are seen as virtues and displays of strength. To me, when someone is throwing the equivalent of an infant tantrum stomping their feet and slamming doors, I’m amazed they aren’t fired on the spot. We pay you to manage thousands/millions of dollars or equivalent responsibility, yet you can’t control your outbursts? Sounds like the business world and talking to other adults isn’t the right fit for you.
A lot of people in this thread seem to be under the misconception that anger is inherently unhealthy and violent.
Like I said, I would not enjoy being around someone who can’t bear to hear any emotion in my voice besides happiness. If you let me down in a big way or say something that hurts my feelings, I am not only going to tell you about it, but I might even show how I feel in the tone of my voice and my facial expressions. It would be frustrating to be around someone who thinks my inability to be a robot all the time means I am immature or unhinged.
Be careful of the difference between being angry and showing anger. Adults discuss their feelings, not outburst them.
Adults know the difference between a person showing anger and a person having an outburst.
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Explain what you mean, because those are equivalent terms to me.
Well, I tend to show I’m angry by lowering my voice, and speaking in short, direct sentences, and adopting a generally terse tone of voice. I usually have a very displeased look on my face.
Losing one’s temper is NOT the same as showing anger.
If you’re screaming, throwing objects, pounding the table, and other shit like that, I’m done with you. You’re permanently crossed off my “adult” list. And obviously, when you’re shoving or punching people that goes beyond “you’re an asshole” into criminal behavior.
Forceful disagreement, an edge to your voice, a frown, a cold look? Sure, that’s OK if it’s over something that warrants it.
Also, I hereby dispute the notion that if you don’t express anger it build up inside you until eventually you have a screaming meltdown. Nope. When you let anger go, you become less angry. When you indulge your anger, you get more angry.
What, you think people who bottle up their compassion store it all up deep inside, and then have a massive fit of compassion? Or do people who practice compassion become more compassionate?
The more you practice anger, the more angry you get. And obviously, we’ve all had the person who won’t confront you to your face but will passive aggressively undermine you behind your back. That person is also indulging their anger.
You can show happiness without belly laughing.
You can show sadness and be completely dry-eyed.
You can show fear and not piss on yourself.
So of course you can show anger without “outbursting”. Have you honestly never seen someone show anger in a calm measured way before? You have never heard someone let out a frustrated sigh? You have never heard someone use profanity and use a certain “tone” without rising to the level of yelling? You have never seen someone pierce their lips and shake their head at something that is being said? You have never heard someone give a curt response?
You see someone fucking around with your kid, causing them to cry. Do you rush over and say rather forcefully “Leave my kid alone.” Or do you smile and shrug and say “howyadoin?”
Someone who equates all displays of anger to “outbursts” has no business calling anyone immature.
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Sure, I just wouldn’t call any of those things “showing anger”. It seems you do, so we’re in agreement, but using different terms.
Interestingly, the following was Tweeted this morning by the Dalai Lama (I had retweeted it):
We all recognize the outburst type of anger. But do we recognize the calm, firm and assertive tone of voice and facial expression that lets us know that someone is angry?
I think one of the skills that I have developed is to find ways to express my displeasure without raising the hackles of the person who is the object of my displeasure. Finding a way to let others know how you feel without making them angry allows you and them to use positive ways towards a solution - which is likely impossible if we have fallen back on the lizard parts of our brains.
Getting angry is OK, but dealing with and managing ones anger is part of maturing.