I took a cab to work this morning. My cab driver didn’t seem all that healthy. At first I thought he might have a cold, but he had symptoms I’ve never seen before. His regular breathing was pretty loud; he exhaled quickly out his nose with sharp, quick little puffs of air, but not wheezy or anything. Occasionally he’d let out a single, deep barky cough. When he turned around to talk to me I could actually see that his teeth were coated with thick mucus or spit; it was pretty gross. He was probably around 50; didn’t look very hygenic (matted hair, kinda smelly) and was obese. So what do you think his symptoms suggested? I’m not worried about contracting any diseases. Just kinda curious. Both serious and B.S. answers are welcomed (anything to make my day more interesing). 
I think I saw something like this in a movie once. Only the character was the living dead. Hey, there’s a thought–Maybe you cabdriver was a zombie.
If you were in New York, I’d wonder about bioterrorism.
You’re in Canada. It’s the Creeping Crud. 
If he was in New York, the general answer to the question “what’s wrong with my cab driver” is usually “a lot”.
God, what a way to start the work day. Being driven there by The Plague. I hope there was a divider.
My wife used take cabs to the train at the crack of dawn if she was running late. She woke from her back seat nod-off when her cabbie and a bus driver got into it. The tussle led to:
bus driver (screaming): “Yeah, well you can suck my dick!!!.”
cabbie (screaming louder): "Yeah, well You have no dick!!!"
Good Morning!!!
Sounds like bronchitis or even pneumonia.
Ha ha!
HA HA HA!!
Thanks for the laffs.
That dude was in labor. You should’ve stuck around and helped him deliver the fruit of his rotten loins. I think you missed your fifteen minutes of fame.
Sounds to me like he had one of those dread old-timey diseases.
Could have been scrofula, rickets or scurvy.
My vote though is consumption. I always liked consumption. It seemed like it could cover any number of symptoms or condiitions.
You can’t help but read that sentence in a Grandpa simpson voice. Makes you want to go looking for the leeches.
Yes, a very cool disease name, that. I must make a mental note to tell my boss I had consumption next time I pull a sick day.
Well, consuption is an antiquated name for tuberculosis, so you should probably not tell your boss that is what you had. Dropsy, on the other hand, sounds just as cool IMO and has the added advantage of being noncontagious.
Let’s hope it wasn’t consumption as that’s an ancient name for tuberculosis. TB is a Very Bad Thing.
Could be worse. When I was in Spain, the driver taking us to the next city whistled every time he breathed.
Your cab driver was clearly a secret agent. In retrospect, was the mucus film on his teeth really BELIEVABLE? Wasn’t he trying a little too hard?
I think he was an Alien just starting to emerge from his chrysalis of human skin. Before the Infestation, he probably was a genuine Human Taxi-Driver… He didn’t cough on you and thereby realise Alien Infestation Homonculus onto you, did he?
More seriously, it sounds like he was suffering from some kind of lung problem - anything from a cold to emphysema could be the culprit. Either way, it sounds like he shouldn’t really be driving a cab, thereby exposing members of the public to him. Poor guy probly can’t afford to take time off. 
Hey Sally: Wanna’ dance?
But I can’t get up off the floor! [Lou Reed ref] 
Aw, c’mon! It’s Friday night and the band’s playin’ your song:
Mustang Sally, better slow your mustang down
Mustang Sally now, Baby, better slow your mustang down…
No.
Granpa Munster.
Except for the obesity and bad smell, you’ve just described my grandfather. He says those symptoms are caused by his medicine…although he has been smoking non-stop since he was nine.