Things will happen for him when the time is right. I went to an engineering college with a 3:1 male:female ratio and an even higher ratio of geeks. Most of them would probably scare off the “average” college girl. Most of them were virgins. But as time went on, many of them found someone who thought their quirks were cute. Who thought they were cute. Who weren’t put off by the fact that they were >20 and still virgins. And in the end, from what they’ve told me, none of them regret not getting laid sooner.
We all have different paces at which we mature and decide that we’re ready for sex. I was 23. Yeah, I was older than a lot of my friends and younger than some others. But regardless of what any of them thought, one way or the other, for ME that was the right time, right place, right guy. I have no regrets and only fond memories. But I think if I’d rushed in to it in high school, it’d be a very different story today.
Much better to let everyone get their on their own schedule. There is a girl (or guy) out there who’ll find his quirks charming. Who’ll see past the superficial and find a really great guy. And they’ll both be better off than if someone tries to “help” him now.
I think comments like this a quite naive - there are way more older virgins in this world than you think and the reasons are many and varied. Yes I too believe sexuality is a normal part of human development, but this doesn’t mean you get your end away as soon as you can. I was a virgin in my 20s.
Some people are waiting for marriage, some people aren’t confident, some people haven’t met anyone they wanted to have sex with, some people are just asexual, some people were molested (in a non-penetrative way) and so on. Life without sex can be fulfilling and fun and it doesn’t make you some kind of wierdo.
I was 22. I waited until I got married. I had no “lack of sex drive”, I just wanted it to wait until I was married. I didn’t realize until I read this discussion that there was apparently something deeply wrong with me. :rolleyes:
He’s only 19, just leave him be. He will ask (or hint around) for help when he needs it.
just as a PS to the above… I got married young. I’m not saying that if I never got married I would have never had sex - my attitude may very well have changed about waiting not too far in the future (…the world may never know…)
Just a side note that really has nothing to do with anything. I have two best friends. One is very much like me - very particular about who she is intimate with. The other is (admitted freely by her) one of the biggest sluts in town. It’s all about who you are and what you are comfortable with – in my view neither way is better or worse.
That’s probably not too abnormal. But if you haven’t yet had sex in your late teens or early twenties AND you aren’t somehow trying to - that’s abnormal. A woman has evolutionarily sound reasons for holding out, but a man doesn’t.
I definitely don’t think he needs your “help” at this point in his life. At that age, some people are still figuring out how they work, much less how anyone else does. He’ll deal with it on his own in his own time.
See, there’s your problem. You’ve got these things called “standards” that are getting in your way
I’ve read your posts and you seem like a really cool person. . .and I saw your picture in one of the picture threads. It doesn’t hurt that you’re hot. Assuming I wasn’t on the other side of the world and wasn’t already engaged, dammit, I’d take the chance to see if I could meet or exceed your expectations. After 8 months of celibacy, I think we’d stand a good chance of breaking a bed, though. How sturdy is your floor?
Teach him to flirt. Hell, teach him to interact with people in general. Then he can get himself laid without any help from his well-meaning buddies if he chooses-- or he can continue to be celibate and NOT bitter, because he’ll have a choice.
I tend to steer away from guys who act like your description of him, because:
I don’t like kissing and telling. Sex is for me and the person I’m with, not for instant replays for all their friends later. Telling other people details about what we do is like filming it and showing it, only to a lesser extent.
Some guys don’t have a lot of “flirting” experience, or to be more honest, getting-to-know-someone experience. They’re either too distant, or they try to get far too intimate (asking inappropriate questions or sharing inappropriate personal information, sometimes not even their OWN personal info, see #1 above). Option #2 is, sadly for these guys, kind of hard to distinguish from “would-be stalker/ serial killer.” I don’t want to date someone who thinks it’s fun or funny to ask if I’d have sex with him within 5 minutes of meeting him. (And yes, this has actually happened. The answer was “if you can’t wait more than five minutes to ask, I suspect you haven’t got a clue about foreplay, so no.”)
Hi, Opal!
In conclusion, teach your friend not to act like a mad stalker waiting to happen and maybe his good looks will get him where he’d like to be.
That doesn’t necessarily mean that is normal or even healthy. There are a lot of people who have no friends too. That certainly isn’t normal or healthy.
You certainly are entitled to live your life any way you choose. I just think you are missing out on a big portion of it. No one on their death bed ever said “man I’m glad I didn’t drink and get laid more” (unless of course you are on your death bed because you were in a drunk driving accident after contracting an STD).
There are people who are sexually aroused by eating shit, and they would say that you and I are “missing out” on a big portion of life by not participating in it. But are we? That’s in the eye of the beholder. So, in a way, we all abstain from something, so we shouldn’t find it that hard to understand.
It’s a good thing you pointed out the exceptions. I thoroughly enjoy a lifestyle that makes it impossible to have to hear myself say “I wish I hadn’t gotten so drunk” or “I wish I hadn’t had so much sex.” You may say I’m too cautious, but it would seem that way if you tried to live my lifestyle, but to me, it’s just perfect. I would feel unfulfilled if I tried to shoehorn my personality into someone else’s lifestyle.
I’m offended at the notion that my life is somehow boring and unfulfilled because I want to save sex for marriage. What one man thinks is boring, another thinks is practical (and healthy). I’ve got plenty of other things to do with my days right now than deal with sex and all the baggage it brings.
I don’t care what anyone says. That’s pretty freakin weird.
Life is dealing with baggage. Yes, you could live a very nice, safe, quietly pleasent life sequestered away from the world. But you would also miss out on a lot of good things. I mean what do you do all day if you aren’t drinking or trying to get laid? You said you are “saving yourself for marriage”. Do you date? How do the women you date feel about this?
I’m not sure how you think people should respond to you. “Good job! Way to hold on to that virtue!”? I can understand being somewhat selective or being concerned about STDs but it seems to me that if you are “saving yourself for marriage” and you aren’t married at 31, there’s something else going on there.
Yeah, chummy, well when I was 25, and a virgin, I didn’t need to ask myself why, I knew why. Other people asked me as well.
I was (and am) Catholic, and was trying pretty hard to toe the line on sexual activity. I was involved in a serious long-term relationship with no sex. Without getting into too much detail I’ll say I was still a virgin when I married the woman (who was not) when I was 28.
This crazy television world everyone thinks applies everywhere, where everyone starts having sex at 14, is not reality anymore than everyone being virgins until their wedding day is reality.
The fucking ridiculous implication that if you’re 19 and a virgin there is something wrong with you is insulting and assholish to the extreme. Maybe the guy tells the band camp stories to try to head off the awkward moments when all his friends try to hook him up and get him laid because he hasn’t had sex yet.
It’s possible, though, that he really does want to get laid or is a closeted gay but doesn’t quite have it all figured out in terms of how to talk to girls, or how to come out of the closet. You wanna help him figure out how to be more social, that’s cool. You wanna make him feel comfortable enough with you that he’ll let you know his secrets, that’s cool too.
You just want to get him laid? That’s just being an asshole.
Don’t take it too personally; this is msmith537’s modus operandi. Although I have no interest in searching for them myself, a perusal of Pit threads referencing this poster will provide you with sufficient background to understand why he responds this way.
Or you can just allow no credence to his statements by default. That’s what I do.
I knew a guy who was a 31-yo virgin. He was (and is) a great guy, who was looking for the right girl to come along. They’ve been married for over 10 years and have great children and are very happy.
First of all, I didn’t say that it was ridiculous to be a 19 year old virgin. I did think it was a little odd to be a 31 year old virgin.
Second of all, I didn’t personally attack anyone so your statement is completely out of line. You see, people come here to express different opinions on various ideas. If you don’t like my opinion, then ignore it.
msmith, has there ever been a time when someone you were going head-to-head with abruptly stopped rebutting and said, “Oh, okay, NOW I get it! You’re right; I should change, starting right now! Thanks for steering me in the right direction!”?
Charger has made a decision that is right for him. What’s it to you?
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