Despite my sometimes a-holey answers here, in general I’m a nice guy and a lot of people say so. So over the decades, I’ve had a number of women say “I’m comfortable with you.” and often ask/tell me things that they say they to their boyfriend/husband/girlfriend. My advice is always to work up talking it out with their significant other.
Only two times have I let (yes, let, as I’m generally clueless about what women really think about me) it go any further than strictly friends. The first time was my only, now ex-girlfriend and the second time was with an older woman after my ex left that was supposed to only be friends with benefits, but I fell in love and she didn’t. In both cases, they were single.
Okay, to the point. The other day was my last day at my workplace. One of my co-workers who I knew for just over a month and spoke to her maybe 5-6 times for no more than a minute or so, told me when no one else was in the office that she was happy to have worked with me and that she was comfortable with me from day one. She would always make it a point to tell me bye if she left work before me, she had to pass my desk on the way out and when I was leaving and talking to everyone as a group, she was staring at me intently with a sadness in her eyes.
It always seemed she had something more to say to me, but never did. Am I reading too much into this or was there possibly something more? As I said, I’m generally clueless about what women think about me. When i got together with my ex, both my friends and family said “Finally!” and I was still clueless.
Reminds me of a co-worker I had a thing for who told me on her last day “You’re still going to see me. I’m available Friday and Saturday nights.”
Turns out she was very comfortable with me, as a friend. She always wants to talk and hang out as friends.
So, it could mean something. It could mean nothing, and it could be she’s comfortable talking to you but doesn’t want to touch you. Or maybe she does. IMHO.
Did she make the first move with her comment(s)? I too am a poor reader of social cues so I don’t have a yes or no answer. Any way to contact her on a social media platform? Wait a week or two and ask her how her job is going and that you are getting settled in on your new job. Either she won’t respond, say everything is “fine” with little description, or leave a message implying she would like to get together and talk about work and stuff.
If the first two happen don’t bother her again. If she is open to meeting you outside of her work take it from there. If it works out you don’t need to worry about company policies discouraging coworkers from dating each other as you are no longer her coworker.
Sometimes best to not read in-between the lines. IMHO, she feels safe, and thinks that perhaps she can talk to you. Ask her out as a friend if this is you. If things develop, they do. If they don’t, you may have another friend.
She’s married with a young child. She’s also much younger, maybe mid-late 30’s, I’m 60. There was never any romantic interest on my part, but I may have asked her out as a friend to lunch or dinner after I left the company, mainly so we could talk. I’m left wondering if she just needed someone ‘comfortable’ to talk with about whatever’s on her mind, not necessarily any interest in me. As I said in my OP, both women and men have shared some very intimate thoughts with me and it’s usually during a meal.
I wouldn’t have asked her out while we worked together if she was single, but would join her for worktime lunch if she asked. This is generally how I become friends with both women and men. Food is a very important thing for me because my Dad said when he was young, there often wasn’t enough to eat. If my co-worker doesn’t have lunch because they couldn’t afford it or forgot it and I’m getting something for myself, I’ll get something for them with no necessity or expectation of having them sit with me for lunch.
Anyway, it’s done now. We never shared any personal information and have no way of contacting each other.
But back on topic, I’m generally really clueless when a woman may show interest in me. I know one of the supposed classic signs is when she’s nice to only me. I had a co-worker like that. She was snobby to everyone else but me and everyone noticed and commented on it. I chalked it up to my processing the paychecks. Another co-worker (not at the place) started out by saying she loved me because I brought candy to work, then later would say it again whenever she took a piece of candy. I chalked it up to her being nice to me because I was her senior in both worktime and age. Am I really that clueless or were these really nothing more than coincidence or silly jokes?
Just realized. My posts may come across as humble brags. They’re really not. At least consciously. I’m either reading too much into things after the fact or genuinely dense when it comes to women. I used to just be short and a 5 at best physically. Now I’m short, a 5 on my best day (I’ve been told I look like an Asian Buddy Hackett), old, fat, living month to month on my paycheck and the only things I can see I have to offer a woman is that I’m nice and funny*.
*My favorite line when a woman tells me I’m funny is, “You forgot looking!”.
FYI, I’ve asked to be permabanned because I realized I’ve been spending too much time here and revealing too much. Not good for my physical and mental health. Thank you to all for all everything! I’ll still visit and read once in a while.
Would you in any case really want a relationship with somebody who’s nasty to most people?
Bear in mind the classic advice that ‘the person who’s nice to you but mean to the waiter is not a nice person.’ Such people are likely to be nasty to you, also, eventually; and in the meantime you’d be going around with a nasty person, some of whose nastiness is going to attach to you in the minds of their victims.
I’d say you were her workplace security blanket. This may seem like a notch below “She’s in love with you,” but it’s really a great compliment. When you were there, she felt a warmth and sense of security that vanished when you weren’t. No matter how crummy her day was, she knew good ol’ lingyi was there, a truly good guy who’s trustworthy and highly competent and kind.
Though she isn’t in love with you, she’ll miss you in a deeper way than most of your colleagues will.
I was the office’s “older brother” for years. Younger workers, but especially women, felt comfortable talking with me because 1) I listened rather than just told them what to do and 2) I knew when a secret needed to be kept, and when it rose to the level of something their direct supervisors needed to know.
I seriously doubt that ANY of the women ever had the slightest romantic feeling toward me. On the contrary, they probably felt I was “safe” (which I was, being happily married and all that.)
It sounds like one of those phrases like, “I appreciate you” which is supposed to maybe convey some deep meaning but really just sounds hick as all get out. Or maybe it’s what a young married woman says when she wants some older strange.
