Okay, everybody, I’m sure, wonders what the estimable Mr. Claus does between December 26 and the time around Thanksgiving when he gears up for another delivery.
So this is a challenge. Come up with the highly improbable things he might do. But, this is after all the Straight Dope, so your “highly improbable thing” must be documented with a link to a site where your allegation is supported.
To get it going, I’ll give two examples. However, I’m breaking my own rule on this one, because there’s a second part to the game. Both these examples have appeared in Straight Dope threads in the recent past, and the first person to post links to both threads will receive the current market value of Surgoshan’s soul ($1.00) in the mail from me if he furnishes me by e-mail an address to send it to. Alternatively, he may opt for a reward to be selected at random by Uncle Beer (who doesn’t know he’s been nominated for the reward choice), e.g., that I have to buy said person a drink at the next Dopefest we both attend. (Careful, the sources are tricky.)
So, without further ado, here are the two examples:
[li]Santa poses for gay porn marketed to the bear subculture.[/li]
[li]Santa is a Communist agitator in Guipozcoa Province, Spain. (Winner must explain the significance of ideology and location.)[/li]
Have fun.
At the conclusion of Eenie - Meenie - Minie - Tweed, his third collection of the delightfully off-the-wall Eyebeam cartoons, cartoonist Sam Hurt says:
“My car is in the shop, I fear,
It’s whatchacallit’s wobbly.
The moon gets twelve nights off a year,
it’s in his contract, probably.
In summer, Santa rents a lake
and eats a lot of curry,
Eyebeam’s going to take a break,
but we’ll be back, don’t worry.”
So there’s my answer, with source documented as well as possible.
Ahem. While I do not seem to be able to find a link to this book, I have it on good authority that he went to the Bahamas at least once. He even got arrested as a spy! :eek: The book is Alexander’s Vacation by Marjorie Knight.
umm, it was published in 1943, which is why it remains a little-known episode in his life. I imagine the official image control people would really rather that humiliating incident not be remembered, especially since he was rescued by a small, spotted, blue stuffed pony.
My parents, being the subversives that they were, wanted to make sure that I was prepared for the real world, so stories like this were an integral part of my growing up.
Tisiphone
According to a documented story by Harlan Ellison, “Santa Claus vs. S.P.I.D.E.R.”, Mr. Claus is a secret agent.
I’ll go out on a limb and say…
He’s a tax collector…
Aha!!! See!! And that’s why Alexander’s Vacation has never been reprinted! The infamous TLO’s (three-letter organizations) have done their best to suppress this information!
After all, who better than Santa Claus to collect information, since he sees you when you’re sleeping, and knows if you’re awake, and mygawd, the blackmail possibilities! He also knows if you’ve been bad or good…
Tisiphone