As I’ve said before - the golden rule isn’t a just a directive for ethical behaviour, it’s a truism - in the long run, you will be treated the way you treat other people.
Superhal - at this point, I suggest therapy, both for you personally to deal with some of the issues that you have from the toxic environment that you grew up in, and couples therapy so that you and your wife can learn healthier ways of interacting. I don’t agree with the divorce solution because I suspect that your wife would just end up in another relationship that’s the same as this one.
Based on the limited samples youve given, the basis of your humour appears to be putting the other person down. Thats often the basis of humour, but it gets old real fast when repeatedly directed at the same person, especially when that person has close emotional relationship with the jokester. It can make that person feel that you really dont respect them, despite everything else you may say or do. Your wife has told you she doesnt like it and finds it disrespectful. So go ahead and use these sorts of jokes on other people who can handle it, but if you want to show respect to your wife one thing you need to do is stop with the insulting or put down jokes aimed at her now. Especially so now that she has openly expressed this, and youve said youll work on this, and she at some level is waiting to see if you will show your respect for her needs and feelings by changing this. Otherwise she will correctly conclude that you do not respect or care for her enough to stop with a behaviour that she has let you know she finds upsetting.
Respect in a relationship is usually expressed by saying and doing things that support and lift up the other person, but there are other ways to do this too. The important thing is you want her to be happy and not upset or irritated with you, you need to figure out what helps her feel loved and respected and appreciated and do those things. There`s a book, http://www.amazon.ca/Five-Love-Languages-Secret-Lasts/dp/0802473156/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1297893369&sr=1-1 , that I strongly recommend. It talks about how one partner might show love to the other by doing stuff for them (Acts of Service, in the lingo of the book) but the receiving partner might not appreciate the effort because the stuff that fills up his or her emotional tank is not Acts of Service but Words of Affirmation (praise and compliments) or quality time or gifts or physical touch. Then both feel miffed. Despite being in a loving stable marriage for more than 15 years, this book really helped both me and my partner and we are both now making efforts to do things for each other that fall into our respective categories.
Compliments definitely have to be sincere, or they don`t work. My suggestion for showing respect in that regard is to thank her for stuff she does for you or your family that you might be taking for granted. It might feel faked to you at first, but if you get yourself into the mindset that her making your favorite meal or arranging for the babysitter or scouring town for that thing you wanted (or whatever) is a gift from her to you, it may help you thank her sincerely. Of course if there are things about other people that drive you crazy that she is not or does not do, you can sincerely tell her how much you appreciate that about her too.
But I don’t care much about the OP because he obviously doesn’t care for our advice.