I always thought “single” meant “not married at this moment”. Nothing more and nothing less. Ever.
In that thread a lot of Dopers contend that “single” means “not now in any relationship”. So if one dates the same person twice in a row, one is no longer “single”.
For that matter some people seemed to say that if you’re dating several someones one time each, you’re not single. In other words, to them, “single” means “has no one-on-one social life.”
I’m wondering how much of this is a generational thing, where fogeys like me think single = nonmarried and 20-somethings think single = available to date or maybe single = doesn’t date.
I started to make a poll, but the options quickly go waay too complex. So …
Please reply with what you think “single” means in the context of relationships, and include your general age bracket. I’d like to avoid complicating things with LGBT politics; that’s a legit topic for discussion, but one I’d like to skip for now. So for this I’d like folks to reply with what they think the term “single” means in the hetero context.
I think there’s definitely an age gap on this one. For my generation (~30) people use the term to mean “not in a relationship.” But my parent’s generation (~60) uses it for “not married.” This is also the way I see it on official forms, such as government or medical forms (i.e., “mark one: single, married, divorced, widowed”)
Maybe just because I’m poly, but I would use the term “available” in this case. I’m married, which means I’m not single, but I’m still available if someone wants to date.
I’m 51 and single means “available”. Although I’m sort of wondering in what context other than official forms or inquiring about availability are the options so limited. I mean, if an old friend asked if my sister is single, I probably wouldn’t say either yes or no but rather mention her SO of 14 years.
ETA But that doesn’t mean “available” always means “single”.
Gay male, age 69. My partner and I have been in a monogamous relationship since 1987. We plan to get married as soon as it’s legal in this state. I can’t imagine anyone thinking of us as “single.”
To me, it means “never married (inc. de-facto-married)”. panache45 is “married without papers”, in my vocabulary and in direct translation from Spanish; in his case, it’s because his legality hasn’t caught up with his reality; for other people, it’s got to do with issues ranging from social expectations to taxation law.
If you’ve got three weekend children of thine own loins, each on a different monthly weekend, you can’t claim to be “single, single, single”. Well, you can for tax purposes, but not for relationship purposes. For relationship purposes, you’ve got three kids and three exes who delivered said kids (plus whichever other exes didn’t bear your kids): divorced would be a more appropriate description, even if there were no civil weddings. I know several people who declare themselves “divorced without papers”, as shorthand for “lived with someone for a long time, we’re not together any more but we never got papers”.
Available, divorced, separated, widowed, taken… are all different from single.
Not in a committed relationship and possibly available to date - “single and looking” and “single and not looking” are both possibilities under the banner “single”.
Female, 39. It means “not available for a committed relationship.”
I have heard people on this board saying “singe means not married” before and it’s always seemed wrong to me. I’ve also heard people say you can’t cheat if you’re not married. It’s a very restrictive use of the word.
I mean, there are plenty of people who live with their partners and sometimes even have kids with them. It would be ridiculous to apply the word “single” to them or say that (assuming they weren’t poly) sleeping with someone else wouldn’t be cheating. Most forms these days also have something like “cohabiting” or “living with a partner” on them, too.
For people in committed relationships who don’t live together I can more understand applying the word single to them, but I still wouldn’t. They’re not available, so they’re not single. This even aplies to people in poly relationships - they’re still, nearly always, not available for a new primary relationship of the committed kind.
For people who are just dating, not necessarily using the word boyfriend or girlfriend to describe each other, still open to dating someone else and dropping the other dates if it gets serious - openly, not cheating - I’d say single. So it’s not like you have two dates and suddenly you’re not single. Unless the second date is where you move in together, which does happen.
Male, 54. As others have said, ‘Not in a committed relationship’
Interesting to run across this thread. A very dear friend of mine told me she is not in a relationship with her guy. She ended the ‘relationship’ She said they talked and she was more like an ‘Incestuous Sister’
Ummm… No. Very odd coming from an intelligent capable in-tune person. We talked. But I guess that’s kinda the way she feels about this fella. Very close, likes the sex, but does not want it to go any further.
I suggested ‘friends with benefits’ was what she was looking for.
Saying you are “Single” means you are starting the disclosure discussion (the million survey options, etc).
If the other person moves past that conversation very quickly, then they either aren’t prepared for the disclosure discussion right then and there or they don’t care. If its the former, the ball is in their court & they can restart the conversation later.
Hopefully not to be shut down with a “…we talked about this”, because they actually haven’t yet.
These apply to most social situations; each of these statuses provides a subtle disclaimer about potential past baggage that need not be discussed in detail on a first date, but would be dishonest to withhold.
The legal context is a bit narrower. Marriage, divorce, and widowhood confers a myriad of rights and duties that being in or breaking off a mere relationship does not, so these are asked on legal forms. It would be an absolute mess if a non-spouse romantic partner could make, for instance, medical decisions in the event of incapacitation, because their could be several competing claimants. Single, here, means their is no spousal next of kin, so parents or adult children may be looked to. Even an ex-spouse might be next of kin if there are no other living relatives.
