Coffee and Tea. I feel superior to anyone who get crabby whenever tea time is delayed, or the coffee machine has broken down ;).
We’re far too superior to use the pit.
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I don’t get memes. Never saw a need for them, anyhow. Stuff like Sheltering Suburban Mom, Confession Bear, The Most Interesting Man In The World, Futurama Fry … it’s just a demonstration of the immaturity, lack of creativity, and intellectual dimwittedness of those on 4chan, Reddit, and social networking sites. Really, everywhere but here on the Straight Dope, home of what truly are The Most Interesting People In The World.
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They should all be shot with a 1920s-style death ray and thrown in the Marianas Trench.
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Hi Opal!
I don’t get it either so please explain.
Adjust your sarcasmometer and read the OP (and, like, 80% of the posts in this thread) again.
Hey! That’s like me and bathrooms!
I never saw the need for cloth towels., When I get out of the shower, I just air dry. It leaves my skin moister and more supple than when I’ve rubbed some towel across my body. Honestly, I just don’t understand why people waste their money on them, when there’s perfectly good free alternatives.
Apparently, I don’t have a sense of humour. You guys are just weird and I don’t see the need for such silliness. 
I don’t see the utility of time, and, if you must know, that’s my secret for maintaining my birth weight.
:scoffs: You bathe? What a waste of water and time. I’ve trained my body not to smell. You’ve undoubtedly created an unhealthy armpit and assular flora environment with your commercial soaps and conventional deodorants. For ten thousand years man has successfully mated without use of these so-called modern conveniences and someday I hope to too. Also, I save money on cooking sprays by utilizing my own natural beard grease.
Me too. I’ve found I can hook up to my neighbour’s wifi while I hide behind a bush in his backyard. And as long as I’m there…
Human contact. Vastly overrated. i live in a shack in Montana and use the mail to send things.
Mail? What a pitiful self-indulgence.
I have trained carrier pigeons to carry my letters to those who need to receive them. It’s MUCH more environmentally friendly, you know, than all those mail trucks spewing CO2 everywhere.
I’d post an answer in this thread, but don’t want to look like a snob. 
I don’t have floors. I levitate in my ether-like body. It is disgusting to put your feet in the detritus of daily life and mix it all around. Ick. Plus the ants and beetles and worms are nourished by me personally.
Also, reported.
Dang it, did I break protocol here? Reported for Thread Spotting nomination.
Sorry.
Just perfect. Now it’ll be wall-to-wall hipsters with their almond milk latte/bean sprout breath and clueless Kierkegaard allusions :(.
You still have hipsters? We’ve evolved beyond the need for hipsters. Put them all to the sword years ago. Far too pedestrian to be allowed to live. Also we all have swords now. Not as clumsy or random as a gun. A more elegant weapon for a civilized people.
Not hipsters. Wall-to-wall hipsters. No one is doing it.
Oh yes, Kierkegaard. I’ve read his work. Not in English of course. Nor in the original Danish. I find his work to be most insightful when it’s translated into Portuguese and then the Portuguese version is translated into Sanskrit and then the Sanskrit version is translated into a dialect from New Guinea that’s so obscure it doesn’t have a name.