Water. I slake my thirst with a handful of salt. Or sand, if it’s the sabbath.
Bourgeois! I don’t even have lungs. Or even what would be called a “body” by a “sane” mind. I am in fact and pan-dimensional entity. The tentacle you see before you with lips and a cock is merely a projection into your reality of just a fraction of my being.
Also, television is gay.
I dont uze spel chek bcuz I dont knead it.
A calculator.
I work in a lab with many other engineers, most of whom are older than me. When sitting at their desks, they use handheld calculators to make calculations. They have no idea how to use Excel, apparently.
Cell phones do have an off button
oh, never mind
He’s superior because the cell phone that he doesn’t have doesn’t have an off button.
No they don’t. I don’t have a cell phone so I know for a fact that when you have one, people are always bothering you and texting leetspeek and sex pictures at you. 24/7, and there’s nothing you can do to stop it, ever.
Well, in civilised, tea drinking countries, we don’t feel the need for such terribly gauche contests. Nor do we use your petite bourgeoisie spelling of the word ‘jewellery’.
Ugh, I can’t bring myself to type it…
My potential.
Excel?! You barbarian! I keep an Asian boy with an abacus next to my desk for any calculations beyond single digits. Actually, for those, too.
Can’t literally say “everyone,” but. . . prescription medication. I’m 53, and have no ongoing open-ended prescription medications. That might change any day, but that’s the case now. I also don’t need reading glasses. Not that my eyesight hasn’t degraded over the past 10-15 years–most definitely it has–but it has been much slower and to a lesser degree than most of the people my age (that I am around).
I can’t tell if this is succeeding or failing as a parody thread.
I’d say succeeding beyond our wildest dreams.
I am subhuman. I am completely dependent upon pharmaceuticals, preprocessed, non-organic food, municipal water, sewer and other facilities not to mention the healthcare system. I don’t bother preparing for disasters except to have a change of clean underwear.
I don’t own my own internet. I just use the public one.
Only if your cell phone is on the rube contract. (Sorry to hear it!) Don’t fret too much though, you aren’t developmentally delayed…you are just socially “behind” your peers. You can catch up:)
Cups and glasses are for plebeians. I’ve done away with them and drink straight from the carton, jug, or tap. In restaurants I demand the waiter come by every few seconds and pour directly into my mouth. Do you realize how many dolphins die due to the surfactants that are in all the dish soap used to wash cups and glasses? Heathens.
I’ve also done away with my lap. When I sit I make sure that I do not form a lap. Creating a lap while sitting is the number 4 cause of cancer in lab rats in California, don’t you know?
I’ve also given up responding to parody threads. Only fools waste their time on such frivolous endeavors.
Yeah, don’t parody threads belong in The Pit?
I don’t use irony (the hipsters ruined it for everyone) so I can’t help you.