What ever happened to Mariah Carrey?

Honestly, I don’t care if I misspelled her name, but she came up in conversation at work and I was just curious. Last I heard, she had a nervous breakdown/psychotic episode or something and was commited. Is she out? Is she still in? Thankfully she’s not making music, but what else is going on with her? Are we about to have a resurrgence, or is she out of the music biz for good?

Carey.

The nervous breakdown was likely some publicity stunt, to garner interest in the flopped movie “Glitter”, or perhaps she really went nuts, who cares either way.

After a split from her record company which paid her a fat sack of cash (27 million IIRC), she’s probably just livin’ it up in the Caribbean, doing body shots. Which she could have been doing 10 years ago anyway, rich sucker.

Hopefully she won’t return to our airwaves, having no need because of the aforementioned sack of cash, although you can never fully turn your back on attention whores, they’re truly ravenous. Madonna might even make a comeback someday… oh, right. Neve rmind.

I wish I could get paid $27 million not to sing.

She gained a bunch of weight. I’m not sure if she’s lost it or not but when your two selling points are your voice and your not-so-unique ability to be fully dressed yet half naked at the same time, putting on pounds isn’t a great career move.

Not that I doubt your word, I’d just enjoy linking up to a few photos of her looking large.

There was a photo of her on the gossip page of the New York Daily News newspaper yesterday, poured into a pair of jeans and skimpy top. Yeah, lay offa the Twinkies for a while there, Mariah.

mmmmmm…a chunky Mariah Carey

She is out of “retirement” or wherever she was and has a new song, “Through The Rain.” It is vintage Mariah back in her ballad days but she is still using that stupid vocal “technique” where she is constantly whispering and in her upper register. She sounds way better and stronger in her lower register. The video features Jamie Lynn Sigler of The Sopranos.

It’s been reported that she is doing a cover of Def Leppard’s “Bringin’ on the Heartbreak” on her new CD.

My favorite Mariah memories are when Howard Stern used to play her messages that she posted on her website. It was right before she had her breakdown and they were all incomprehensible. The guy that got them taped them and brought them in and sometimes Mariah’s handlers would remove the clips but he had them captured already. One of them had her talking about her drowning cat.

And she has also gotten fat.

She went past her freshness date and we are blessed with silence from her front.

OH, she is back with a new album… the horror…
I can not stand this girl, I hate how she sings, I hate the way she dresses (or not dresses)… yikes, she grosses me out…

Jeez, he needed a wide ankle lens!

DEVIL! This atrocity must be stopped.

She looks fine in those pictures. Just like an average woman. I still think that she isn’t very talented though.

Just as long as she does not desecrate any of the songs of the Grateful Dead, or Bob Dylan. That would truly be a crime of severe proportions.

It makes me glad that some of my favorite musicians (like Phil Ochs, or Country Joe and the Fish) are obscure enough that mediocre mainstream pop singers like Carey would not even have heard of them, let alone think to cover one of their songs.

I thought Mariah Carey got crushed under the juggernaut of Britney Spears.

They didn’t use a wide angle lens, they shortened and widened the pictures to make her look wider than she is. Still. . . that’s fat? I guess it really is time for me to crawl into some deep, dark cave so humanity will be saved from the sight of me.

I saw that picture in the Daily News Uke. Remind me to smack you in the back of the head the next time I see you so you can feel the power of real fatness.

From the bits and pieces of news I heard, it seemed like Mariah’s own inflated sense of self sent her right over the edge-- no fake breakdown at all, just hubris to the nth degree.

but when you click on them, they’re normal.

So to speak.

Ah, come on. If Mariah was an architect or a pediatrician or a housewife or managed a bookshop, we certainly wouldn’t be teasing her about her butt.

But as Juanita so aptly pointed out, Ms. Carey didn’t get the big bucks for her Sarah Vaughan-like musicianship…she got 'em because she shows off lots of T & A (and because she married the boss).

If she’s going to look like a normal woman, she should go up a couple of jeans sizes.

I’m still gonna smack you.