Acknowledging that people have some odd fetishes (I just saw something on TV the other day about people enjoying balloons, inflating and popping), my wife asked me last night if there was any pornography on YouTube. I said of course there is, if you are defining porn as just about anything that provides sexual enjoyment.
My wife in this circumstance, was just referring to porn as the actual sex act. I’ve always felt that was a limited definition. In my opinion, porn is a huge spectrum of material.
As an addendum to the 1st question, is enjoying porn cheating on your SO? Strictly using my definition of porn, if I’m getting sexual fulfillment from something other than my wife, isn’t that cheating? Particularly if you are enjoying “porn” without your SO’s knowledge. This is a concept that has always bothered me. Full disclosure, I do enjoy some things on YouTube that wouldn’t be traditionally considered porn. In the back of my mind, I’ve always had some kind of nagging suspicion that enjoying those clips were somehow disrespectful of my wife.
It is porn if, after you’ve come, you switch it off or lay it away.
As for your question… it may be cheating, yes. But if it is cheating is not determined by the material, by you or your actions or thoughts, or your wife’s, but by all three together.
If your wife would hate, hate it if you used porn, and you said you wouldn’t and then you still would, and she would find out, she might feel like she had been cheated on.
But the general consensus these days, is that 95% of men will use porn, and that as a wife it is unreasonable to be bothered by it, unless you both think it interferes with your mutual sex life.
The modern take on it is that porn should be something you could both enjoy. You could have your nudie mags, she her harlequin novels, or her Fifty Shades of Grey, or her (vampire) romance porn, her movies with that actor that makes her weak in the knees, or whatever. You could enjoy them separately, get yourself heated up and then finish the job together. Or enjoy porn together. With Youtube, redtube and porntube, there’s plenty of material so that everyone, male or female, can discover their kinks.
Porn is sexually explicit or erotic material that I don’t like. If I like it then it’s art.
It’s not cheating to gain sexual enjoyment in other ways than with your wife. It’s only cheating if you’re engaged in sexual activity with another person. And where the line is drawn when there’s no physical contact with that other person is unclear. There is a common immature attitude among some women (and some men) that any sexual enjoyment outside of sex with your partner is some kind of cheating. This is stupid and pointless and fosters dishonesty in relationships.
To me, “porn” implies a certain degree of explicitness. If it can be freely shown on YouTube—or, more generally, if there are no restrictions on who can see it, or where—it’s not really porn.
This, phrased however you like, is the best definition I’ve heard. “Erotica” is stuff you get off to, and then keep reading/watching to find out what happens.
I won’t touch on the cheating question, but I will quote Ron White: “Once you’ve seen one woman naked… you pretty much want to see the rest of 'em naked.”
I don’t believe that porn is cheating. If it was, then that would mean that a very large percentage of men (and a growing % of women) are cheating on a regular basis. I like what TriPolar said. Cheating involves intimacy with another person other than your partner. I know a woman that has absolutely forbidden her husband to have porn on his laptop. It caused a lot of stress in their marriage because she not only considers it disgusting, she feels that it is a form of cheating. According to her, he agreed to not look at porn anymore and deleted what he had saved :dubious:. I think it was a ridiculous demand and I doubt that this is the end of it. I’m not sure why it became such a problem in their relationship, and I didn’t want to ask.
Following the existence of Rule 34, I think the definition of porn vs. non-porn has more to do with the intent (of the writer/photographer/filmer/uploader) than the content. I also don’t think the ability of a viewer to masturbate to the image is sufficient to define pornography. For instance, there are quite a lot of foot fetish videos on the weird side of youtube. Even though the participants are generally fully-clothed and not necessarily engaging in anything more titillating than a foot massage or flexing their toes, they were filmed with salacious intent. Although they’re not graphic (as opposed to explicit nudity), they’re still pornographic.
On the other end of the spectrum, I *don’t *think an innocuous video of little kids playing in a swimming pool can be considered porn, even though a pedophile may get off to it. The person who filmed it just wanted to show little Cletus off to the world, not make him an object of lust. Thus, it’s not pornographic.
Because either 1) they married before discussing their views on sex, making them both quite stupid/impulsive/young/otherwise unsuitable for a long-term relationship, or 2) s/he lied about said views, OR 3) he knew she was batshit before the marriage, but she was hot enough/he was desperate enough that he didn’t care. Whatever the reason, he’s got only himself to blame for staying with her now.
Ok I’m a guy and even I think the no physical contact equals not cheating is crazy, so anyone would be ok with their SO IMing/webcamming/cybering with some person for hours on end, as long as there is no touching?
As for porn the only way I can see that being a problem is if it is taking precedence over sex. I mean hell I’m on forums less er civilized than SD where gross out porn is just posted. I can’t imagine my wife freaking out because some old men are enjoying scat on my screen.
Ok she will playfully go oh so that is what you’re into now when she sees the forum open.
“It’s not cheating to gain sexual enjoyment in other ways than with your wife. It’s only cheating if you’re engaged in sexual activity with another person. And where the line is drawn when there’s no physical contact with that other person is unclear. There is a common immature attitude among some women (and some men) that any sexual enjoyment outside of sex with your partner is some kind of cheating. This is stupid and pointless and fosters dishonesty in relationships.”
Hah, really? You can’t begin to imagine how many people do not agree with you on this, women (and men) alike.
The reality is that if you need gratification beyond your significant other, than clearly something is either wrong with you, with them, or your relationship.
“Look don’t touch” is some utter nonsense invented by people who can’t control themselves, but don’t want to go so far as committing an immoral or unlawful physical act that will jeopardize their then current relationship - more as a matter of convenience rather than morality or respect for their lover.
This only manifests itself because couples don’t do more activities with one another that is exclusive or unrelated to sex, but can have a positive influence on their sex drive(s) and desire to share in gratification from one another.
To answer your question, pornography is just another industry that tries to turn something natural (like sexual reproduction and sexual relations) and use it against us.
Maybe it’s too early for me to understand any of this. OK, I will read this again…no no, I think I did read it correctly the first time.
Well, I suppose that when he or I masturbate (solo) - you know, gratify ourselves, there is clearly something wrong with us, or with our relationship.
Honey, do you hear this? I think we are doomed. I knew it was too good to last.
I pity anyone who sincerely believes this, e.g. people who labor under the delusion that their SO could not possibly find sexual gratification alone while looking at another person.
