Good choice for a Username.
Hannibal Lecter. Cafe Society.
Now that we have an Internet connection the boss has found it a wonder for research. Practically speaking, for me the only real change has been that instead of burying his head inside a book when he did not want to work or otherwise be disturbed, he would bury his head behind his terminal.
Mostly he used the Internet for research, digging out information from the comfort of his favorite chair,which is the only way he could ever have been persuaded to do such a thing, given his tremendous laziness. Of course,the Web had its drawbacks. You can imagine the effect that the general level of literacy on the Web would have on a person who is outraged by the use of “contact” as a verb, and who might turn down a client who used “imply” and “infer” interchangeably. And of course, Wolfe was no fan of the Web’s propensity for naked women, understandable in that he did not care for them even when clothed.
Wolfe also found kindred souls on the Net, a message board called Cafe Society full of food fanatics like himself. He was by turns outraged and entrhalled by the posts to be found there. I would hear him muttering about nincompoops who wasted almond butter in making ridiculous concoctions like almond butter and jam sandwiches, which he considered a disgusting thing to do, and I would hear him telling Fritz, “My researches have uncovered a shop on 14th Street where you can buy tarragon, dill and chervil growing in tiny planters!”
I had on several occasions considered enrolling Wolfe in Match.com just to watch the fireworks when the emails started to flood in, but I never did, and it was a good thing because this case started with what looked a lot like an email from a Match.com customer …
:: applauds ::
In recognition of the wonderfulness of this post, I have made a note that, when next I have the opportunity to betray you in furtherance of my evil plans, I will forebear.
:: joins the applause ::
Two words: tabbed browsing.
Of course, you keep finding yourself logged out when you DO come back to post something…
You sure like associating me with other posters! 
Ignatius J. Reilly from A Confederacy of Dunces. He’d be great in the Pit against certain posters with very high post counts…
The Good Magician Humpfrey from the Xanth series.
Lisa Simpson would make a nice counter-balance to Curtis LeMay (I believe that’s the name of the kid who posts a lot in GD).
Lisa would be a bit shrill and self righteous at first, though. Can you imagine her early posts on going vegetarian? And you just know that the more carnivorous of us would have fun yanking her chain by mentioning all the meat they love to eat. And I’d love to see the Pit thread where she pits Homer and talks about ruining his barbecue, and then finds herself skewered by the rest of the Dope.
“Dude, seriously? You stole your dad’s pig and ruined everyone’s good time and we’re supposed to be pitting your family? Thanks for reinforcing the vegetarians as self centered asshole stereotype!”
“Uh, you know she’s just a kid, right? She’ll get the hang of it eventually.”
“Even eight is old enough to know that you don’t go around beating other people’s meat.”