What has your ex intentionally done to tick you off?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I may be opening the box, here, but honestly, I have HAD IT. About a year ago, ex-Mr. Maureen started making some strange requests. Please have the kids just come to the car when I honk. Please be aware, from now on, the kids will have two parties, one with you and one with me on their birthdays. I will not attend yours, and I ask that you not attend mine. Please do not come in when you come to pick the kids up. Wait in your car, I will send them out.

Interestingly enough, these requests coincided with his getting a new S/O. I did NOT want to come right out of the gate and say “Wow, she’s got a ring in HIS nose (or wherever),” so at first I tried talking to him about it. Yes, I was nice. We’ve always been able to talk about stuff before, so I was quite alarmed. That was forcibly put to an end. I got a certified leter stating "unless there is a dire emergency i.e. loss of limb, life threatening, with the children, please do not contact me by phone. Please restrict all contact to email.

Hm. Then, my daughter starts coming home bruised. Every Sunday night. I’m concerned. She tells me the S/O’s son is hitting her. To me: dire situation. I call. Am told (quite curtly) by a woman I’ve never spoken with before in MY LIFE: “I told (Let’s call him Dan) I don’t want you calling here. Don’t call again!” Hangs up.

HM. I meet “Dan” in the parking lot and confront him. His LAMO excuse? Kids rough-house. That’s what brothers and sisters do. She’s tough. WHAT THE F***?!! She comes home with a baseball sized bruise on her temple, woozy and nauseated, I have to wake her up every hour for fear of concussion, and you tell me THAT’S WHAT BROTHERS AND SISTERS DO??!!

Since this time, I received two more letters. One informing me that all our conversations will be taped if I call (I refused permission, you can’t do that in California), and one stating that he will be discussing with his lawyer the fact that I am homeschooling the kids without his permission. Which I couldn’t get, because he wouldn’t answer my calls, emails, etc.

So now, this doofus is ruining my joy and pushing my buttons. My husband (who, by the way has refrained from taking the gun out of the closet, shooting “Dan” and feeding the body to the pigs only with restraint) swears he’s just doing it to see if he can get me on tilt. (pant,pant,pant).

So…ANYBODY ELSE WITH OBNOXIOUS EX STORIES?

2

Mine stubbornly kept not getting eaten by wolves. Not nearly as bad as yours, though.

3

Maureen, PLEASE say you have at least spoken to a lawyer about your ex’s behavior. How old are your daughter and your ex’s S.O.'s son? What is the size differential?

4

Oh, yes. I have, indeed spoken with my attorney at great length. As well as the family legal advocate. I had, until last week (when I got the “all our conversations are being recorded” letter) been under the impression that, when it comes to the children, we’d be able to talk to each other and make sure everything was ok for the kids. So much for that. To court we go. He knows I would go to great length to not put the kids in the middle, after what I went through with my own parents.

I just think it’s pointless and childish and stupid, and is only making everyone involved in the extreme.

Giraffe, can’t believe your ex was stupid enough to lose you, with that tongue. (sorry…other issue still in the fore)

5

Sorry, Eva Luna, almost forgot…

The mysoginistic little wife-beater in training is my daughter’s age, (11) and somewhat heavier. She’s a stick.

6

An eleven year old boy is hitting your daughter? That’s fucked up! If he was six, it would be one thing (still a problem, but understandable). The urge to run your ex’s wife over with your car must be overwhelming. I’m pissed off and it’s not even my kid. Absolutely take them to court.

And Maureen in honor of your situation I’ll attach my sig. Hope Mr. Maureen gets better soon, you poor thing. The wife and I had some enforced abstinence a few months back, and it sucked royally. :slight_smile:

7

I gather this is far from unique, but it happened to a guy I know. He and his ex fought for custody of the dog (a poodle) they’d owned for 5-6 years. She got it – and had it put down a couple months later.

8

Boys are not supposed to hit girls.

Dad’s girlfriend’s son is not her brother.

Maureen, where in CA are you? I’d like to kick this kid’s butt myself.

9

My ex continues to breathe. That’s bad enough for me.

Maureen, I am so sorry this is happening to you. Your ex is truly a gutless wonder to put anything before his daughter’s happiness and safety.

10

My ex bought $3000 worth of furniture in my name, had it delivered to my house on a day she knew no one would be home and told the guys delivering it to leave the stuff in front of the garage, “WE” were not ready to take it in the house yet. Her then husband and her loaded the furniture into his truck and took it to the apartment they lived in. 3 months later two goons knock on my door demanding $600 for payments on the furniture or they were to take the furniture. One of the goons happened to be one of the guys that delivered the furniture and described my “wife” to me. I showed him a picture of her and he confirmed that was the woman the took delivery of the furniture. I sent them on their way with her address.

45 minutes later my ex called hollering at me because I ruined her life by telling the furniture goons where she lived. They were in the process of removing the illgotten furniture from her apartment. It took me 5 years to stop the collection of the debt and remove the information from my credit report.

11

My ex insisted on attending my sister’s wedding, just a few months after we split. Yes, she was invited, but still it was annoying.

12

Felt free to tell me, in rather great detail, about her sex life with her new husband.

13

My ex doesn’t call the kids for months. He wanted me to send the kids to stay with him for the summer.

I agreed, after much browbeating and worrying.

He stopped calling a few months later. Didn’t call the kids for 4 months. I sent the kids to my mom for the summer.

He’s been calling me EVERY DAY since.

Call your kids once a month, twice a year, whatever gets you by. I decide not to send the kids to your house for the summer and you call me every DAY?!?

In case anyone is wondering, he does NOT have normal parental rights, does not send child support, and has not seen the kids since 1999. He also has barely worked in that time and has no way to support the kids for 3 months.

~J

14

Maureen-

Tell your daughter to kick that boy in the nuts every time he hits her.

He’ll learn fast this way, that you don’t hit girls.

15

Wonko, that probably won’t work. Dad will say she can’t take a joke, and the SO may even accuse the girl of abusing the little emperor. Daughter shouldn’t have to do anything to defend herself when she’s at her dad’s house! He should be looking out for her. If he’s not concerned for her welfare, then he probably doesn’t care if she visits, either.

16

…dunno why my last post isn’t showing up…

17

I’m gonna TRY for the “short” version here, but there has been SO MUCH BULLSHIT, I am not sure if I can manage under 48 chapters…
When we decided on a “temporary separation” for the summer, he graciously took the kids to Montana, so I could work thru some stuff…when I found out he had cheated on me with a bunch of women (friends of mine and the babysitter), he quickly enrolled the kids in school in Montana (we had always lived in Washington state) and hired a lawyer. He wanted me back, and when I refused, offered to give me custody of the two children IF AND ONLY IF I moved to Montana (again, I refused)
He lied and told the judge I was crazy and an alchoholic and a bad mother…I had to pay for a lawyer in Montana ( I think he was my ex’s lawyer’s wifes brother!), pay for a mental evaluation, and an alchohol evaluation (passed all, according to report)
My lawyer didnt show up for court, tho I had called and reminded him (like I did for all the things he hadnt done) from two states away.
Needless to say, I lost custody…ex didnt want custody (he had never been there much for the kids, always let me do it all) he wanted me back…when he couldnt get me back, he made me pay. And pay I did…like you, I tried to keep the kids out of it, but he and his mother would tell the kids alot of lies about me.
He moved back to Washington state and started a whole new bunch of games…He brought a new girlfriend with him (suprise kids!! heres your new mommy!), he went to the grade school, and tho it was illegal (we had joint custody) he bullied them into REMOVING MY NAME from the list of people to call for the kids/people who could pick up the kids…I found out about a month later when I went in to pick up my son for a doctors appt. and the school had to call THE EX’S GIRLFRIEND FOR PERMISSION FOR HIS MOTHER TO PICK HIM UP!!!
They broke up soon after, but soon there was another “guard wife”, who stood by him and believed the sun rose and set on his royal hiney…all was not golden with them (their marriage lasted just over 1 year) The kids were finally old enough to see thru the crap and were very verbal about wanting to live with “mom”… which dad refused to allow.
Things got worse, ex started hitting our son (who was 11). He would get mad at him, and son would argue back, like kids do. I got a call at work from my son that his father had backhanded him, knocking him into a wall, and when my son tried to get to the phone to call me, his father grabbed him by the throat and wouldnt let him go.
This is when I had absolutely had it…I called the police. Unfortunately, this was another “good ole boy” town my ex had moved to, and he convinced the officer that it was simply a little boy who didnt want to do his chores and was trying to drag me into it to make problems for his father (this was told to me by the deputy, who went on to say that I WAS THE PROBLEM, running to the aid of my son) And, because there was no “marks” on my son, there was nothing the officer could/would do.
Second time this happened, my son had a bloody/fat lip, and had called out to the neighbor to call me (I had some emergency plans set up with a few neighbors if the kids ran to them for help) The neighbor called and said she had seen both kids crying and asking her for help and my sons lip bleeding. (and she saw my ex slam the windows shut and nail them so the kids couldnt open them) Again, I called 911.
Same officer in this podink town…same story…same (lack of) result, tho this time I went and spoke to the officer in person, who once again said I was the problem, tho he did agree that there was alot of anger in that household, and yes, my son did have a fat bloody lip (yes, I confronted the officer and said “Last time, you said there were no marks, now there are marks, SO???”, he still wouldnt do anything about it.
I went to the house to see if the kids were alright, and was told I couldnt see them because it wasnt my weekend to visit them. Ex went inside after letting loose his “guard wife” on me…She called me everything in the book and called the cops on me for “tresspassing” when I refused to leave until I could see for myself that the kids were ok. (they never showed)
I called the police on him a total of three times, I could see the frustration and anger in the ex grow and grow…he was not used to me STANDING UP to him and not backing down…he knew I was going thru the (slow)legal system, trying to get the kids, and finally got tired of the hassle.
But, the games werent over yet…he called me at work shortly after all this, and asked me to meet him at a DESERTED park after I got off work (9:30 PM) to “discuss” me being ALLOWED to have the kids. I went with a BODYGUARD, which pissed him off (I had been naive, but I wasnt stupid) He pulled out a two page list of what I fondly refer to as “THE HOSTAGE DEMANDS” he and his wife had made up…it was a huge list of what I had to do in order to be allowed a short term (six months to 1 1/2 yr) trial period, which included things like:
Move out of my boyfriends place and get an apartment of my own, which they would inspect and approve of.
The kids must have excellent grades at all times.
I would recieve NO MONEY from him during this trial period…if and only if I jumped thru all of their hoops, and if and only if they approved of how I was doing, after the trial period, I would recieve $200.00 per month child support, if and only if the ex was working full time.
The kids would get only their clothes and their school stuff… nothing more. They had to leave everything else behind if they left

It went on and on…I told him I would see him in court, I was not going to agree to any of this…he told me I had just lost any right to see/speak to my kids and stormed off…
He and the wife finally gave up a few weeks later, and he DUMPED the kids on my doorstep one night.
That was almost two years ago, there are still some games, but none as bad as the first five years. The kids are older and can see for themselves that he and his mom lied alot…and the law allows them to live with whomever they choose when they reach a certain age.
Unfortunately, because I once loved the bastard and had children with him, I will always be tied to him and his disfunctional family. I have/had tried the LOGICAL APPROACH, the BEND OVER BACKWARDS APPROACH, the BE NICE FOR THE SAKE OF THE KIDS APPROACH, but, sometimes that just doesnt work, and your ex and his “guard-bitch” dont care if they have to use the children to get what they want.
I feel like I have spent the last several years doing “damage control”…(undoing the crap he has done) The scars my kids have worry me, and I have done my damnedest to be honest and help them thru this…I pray they will heal and understand someday.

Sorry for the length, I guess you didnt realize what a can of worms you opened, huh?
I hope things go well for you, if I were to give any advice to you (not that I am all-wise or anything) it would be: Dont bend over too far backwards in order to “make it easier” for the kids, the ex and his “brain” will push and push and use it to their advantage. And, tho the wheels turn slow (snail-like), go the legal route and DOCUMENT EVERYTHING.
Good luck!

18

Damn…

I probably would have lost it and resorted to the ASSULT IN THE SECOND DEGREE approach.

19

We weren’t married, but my ex showed up at a function with a girl the night after he left me, hacked my computer, sent his friends to harass me, posted our AIM conversations and things I’d given him up in his dorm, etc. etc. etc.

It was a very fun-filled few months of phone calls to the police. It was also my first year of college.

20

Everybody;
Thanks for the support and encouragement…

Auntnut ; :eek: I am sososososo sorry. I can’t begin to imagine…and I hope you and your kids will be okay.

Wonko ; how is life outside the asylum? I did, in fact tell my little girl to defend herself. We taught her how (my dad was a cop and my brother taught karate- I picked up a lot). That was, in fact, the beginning of the problem. How dare I tell her not to be a victim? To fight back, instead of just taking it and then going to her dad, who wouldn’t do anything, anyway. After this, and I left this part out for brevity’s sake, we started getting crank phone calls. From a blocked number. A woman’s voice asking for my husband by his first name. Which he never uses. We ignored the messages. Had a privacy manager option installed. Then I get a call from some guy (I recognized the voice; my ex’s best friend) saying his wife is fooling around with my husband. I ask how he knows this. He says: “his name is on my phone bill.” Interesting. Most local calls don’t show up on a phone bill if you have unlimited local calling…not to mention that his name wouldn’t… just our number. I point this out and ask who he is. Refuses to tell me. Now…if you were a jealous husband, wouldn’t you be more than happy to tell not just your name, but your wife’s as well? Honestly, the childishness of all this crap is what annoys me the most. It isn’t as damaging as auntnut’s case, or as expensive as *racer72’s* , but it is karmically disturbing…it makes me terribly depressed, and takes away from our family’s happiness and I have to wonder: “Why the hell are they doing this? They have each other, is fucking with me really the only thing they have to do with their time?”

Samantha is actually doing better with it than I thought. She told me “Mom, I know Dad is letting her do all this. Don’t worry. Just go to court. I won’t be mad at you. She took him away from me, not you.” And her brother has promised to look out for her. There are times when I really am amazed at just how strong they are.