Turkey Pox!
It’s polkaroo!
C’mon… Someone else other than me just remember the Polka Dot Door.
Priceless, ArtyDooDoo.
Picturing that telephone conversation, I nearly had the same thing.
(I had the tumbler-vacuum chin experience when I was eleven, too.)
Since no-one else has mentioned it – Witch-hazel solution, applied topically, may go some ways toward shortening the length of time you feel reluctant to leave the house.
Bless you, Larry Mudd. I’ve called hubby and asked him to pick some up on his way home.
He actually said “its friday, wanna go out for din?”. I had to remind him why he was buying the witch hazel.
Tell folks you got the MadSARSMonkeyCowDiseasePox.
Seriously, though, I think Caricci is right: in this case, the least embarrassing possible explanation also happens to be the truth.
I also think Carrici is right, and I’d add that you could carry the rubber bulb with you, to show to the curious and the enquiring.
Just explain that you got into a wrestling match with a Star Trek Original Series Salt Vampire.
Or perhaps a couple of Air Force guys.
I’ve heard of women playing with turkey basters, but not quite like that.
Better yet - to demonstrate on the curious and the enquiring! 
I think you should take some pics - if only for a good laugh some day long in the future!
Hey, it could be worse. A local chap was at Roger Dodger Ding Dong _____'s house experimenting with using an Electrolux for masturbation (don’t try this at home) when Roger’s mother came home. He tried valiantly, but he could not get himself unplugged before Mrs. Rogersmother came into the room where he was doing his biomechanical research. So far, no one has been able to tell the story past that point without helpless, painful paroxysms of laughter. We may never find out exactly what Mrs. Rogersma said in that delicate situation. I won’t tell you his name, but I’ll tell you it wasn’t me.
Arty,
I just HAD to share this story with you. In high school I had a homeroom teacher who told us the story of when he was attempting to get his baby to stop crying. She had one of those suction-type rattles, you know, the ones you can stick to a tabletop or high chair tray? He had this GREAT idea to stick it to his forehead and act silly, which actually DID get the baby to stop for a mo’. Unfortunately, it left a BIG red circle on his forehead. He thought he was the dumbest dad around until a friend, upon seeing “the mark” and said something to the effect of, “Yeah, I tried that trick, too.” Must be a new dad thing. Too funny!
Kath
(uh, no, I’ve never tried the turkey baster-on-the-face thing)
Face hickeys? :eek:
ArtyDooDoo, sorry to hear of your plight but this cracked me up. 
I think you should come up with a really good story, like:
“These marks are from the leeches the Houngan used to draw out the evil blood during the voodoo exorcism that rid me of the curse. Their dried remains are in the amulet that I now wear to Keep the evil from returnig”
Thanks for the laugh.
In class one day, my little sister was playing with a cup. She stuck it up to her face around her mouth and sucked all the air out of it. She let go with her hands and the cup was dangling from her face. Her friends all thought this was really cool, so they all decided to try it too. The teacher didn’t notice until half the class had bright red rings around their mouths! Her jaw just dropped and she asked, “WHAT HAPPENED?!?” :eek:
ArtyDooDoo, because of this thread and the ring-in-the-nose thread, I’m having to wipe tears of laughter off my face. Thank you. 
A couple of weeks ago, my wife and I were sitting in the living room watching television. I wasn’t particularly engaged in the program, so I was flipping the big, heavy remote control for the cable box and trying to catch it just so — toss it so it would twist and spin, but not go very high, and then land perfectly in my palm with the “beamer” end pointed at the TV and the button side up, right under my thumb, ready to go. I was getting better at it, but I couldn’t quite get exactly the perfect landing I was going for. Flip swipswipswip wap, flip swipswipswip wap, flip swipswipswip wap, until I flipped it just a little bit too hard, which made me miss catching it, and it landed really heavily on my nuts. And, of course, almost instantly, my lovely wife was a glowing, puffy purpley-red from trying not to howl in laughter at my klutziness.
It is my considered opinion that people get married not for the sex or the money but so they can have a somewhat sympathetic audience for the idiotic things they do to themselves.
I dunno…couldn’t you just say (looking smug smug SMUG) that your husband loves you SOOOOOO much that he even loves your forehead?
No?
Okay.
Well I’m glad to be of assistance to those of you who needed a good laugh. My husband started all the “body jiggling but no sound coming out” laughing as soon as he saw me. I’ve enjoyed all the stories about others doing similar things.
I made the mistake of telling my mom, who promptly called all her friends and relatives to tell them what I had done. I’ve gotten 7 emails asking for a picture. My husband is trying to convince me to let him take one.
Heres hoping the witch hazel does something!
Oh boy, what a great laugh. Are you sure you won’t take a pic and post it? You could do one of those priceless commercial parodies.
Well, since I shaved all my eyebrows off once by accident because I was too lazy to look for the tweezers, I am in no position to give advice on your octopus hickies.
However, it may be of some comfort to know that your plight had both me and Mr. Greywolf laughing for 10 straight minutes (reading the Wedding Ring up the Nose thread right before this one might have had something to do with it).
Just remember, we are laughing WITH you not AT you.
You are laughing, aren’t you? 
When I was 10ish I shaved off one of my eyebrows, then realised that i’d probably be in trouble for it when my parents found out, so I got my nana’s eyebrow pencil and drew it back on. Somehow they still knew!