Thank you so much for that.
I can barely read the screen.
I’d be more embarrassed about admitting to watching The Price is Right.
Last time I saw my out-of-town brother, he had some fairly hideous red marks all over his face. I asked, “What happened to your face?”
“My face?”, he said.
“Yeah, what happened to your face?”
“Just old age,” he says.
I consider letting it drop, in case it’s something he’s too sensitive to talk about, but finally I say, “Go look in a mirror.”
Turns out it was pollen from a bouquet of lilies he’d stuck his nose into.
I recommend that you go about your life as if absolutely nothing was amiss. If anyone asks about your face, look in a mirror, clutch at your face and scream, “OH MY GOD!!!”
I think this is the perfect solution. If there’s something you’re expected to attend or somewhere you’re obligated to be in the next couple of days, but you don’t want to go, pull lainaf’s trick and run away while fumbling for a cell phone.
OK, mr. emilyforce has pointed out to me that this is incorrect. It was one MORNING.
And coffee may or may not have already been had at that time.
He would just like you all to know that.
Sheesh, emilyforce baby…
Does he have OCD?
No, but he has some very nice WhoCDs.
What?
story:
i was 11 or 12 years old and watching my baby niece while my sis was away and my mom slept. baby needed a nap and seemed content to lay on my chest. in her sleep, she began sucking on my neck. i didn’t realize what the result would be, so i didn’t stop her. i didn’t want to wake her up.
result- entire neck covered in hiccies! try explaining that to classmates at that age, in middle school. all the older kids knew what they were… mom wouldn’t let me stay home either… dark and purple.
actually, the kids weren’t nearly as bad as my family’s teasing. my uncle has a pic still framed.
Just cover the entire rest of your head with hickies, too. Then people will just wonder why you have a purple face, and you can claim to be a really obscure minority.
Err, that would be me…
I am the person who gets hickies on their forehead. Or at least a person who has had a hickie on my forehead. Right between my eyebrows.
One evening I was watching TV with my hubby when he leaned over and started kissing me on the forehead. I was paying more attention to TV than to him and thus failed to notice the extra loud and sloppy smooch-sounds. After a good 20 seconds or so my brain finally registered that somethin’ freaky was going on . By the time I broke the seal and escaped his Hoovering, I had a lovely violet hickie the size of a nickel. Hubby thought it was terribly amusing.
Naturally, that night my friend would call and ask if I could come run her furniture store the next day while she went out of town. :smack:
As for your situation, maybe you could try telling people that you missed a few spots with the sunscreen…
My favorite explination yet.
They don’t seem to have faded even a tiny bit this morning. Mind you it might be that i’m all white and pasty looking from having just gotten up so they seem super red and purple.
Welp, jjimm managed to get people to admit they shoved wedding rings up their noses, but apparently the people ArtyDooDoo inspired to turkey baster rubber bulb their faces are too embarassed to admit it here.
[sub]why are you all looking at me? WHAT??? No, of course not…[/sub]
This guy had the same problem.
I had to laugh when I saw that, astro. Mine look different than that but it does give you an idea of what I do look like.
That is EXACTLY the image that came into my head, along with the classic “My GOD Jim, he’s DEAD”!!!
I do.
I can even remember that annoying theme song with the pulsating cartoon door.
This one time my wife came home from a vacation she took by herself with a hicky on her neck. She told me she got from a curling iron.
Then she told a mutual friend how she got it from screwing around with a vaccume cleaner.
Then she told another mutual friend how she got it screwing an old boyfriend.
Oh what laughs we had then, I tell ya.
Arty, I’m assuming you probably don’t care for makeup…but there is a yellow-colored corrector out there that’s designed to get rid of heavy undereye shadows. Could you possibly get some of that and dot it on under a layer of foundation? I’m sure it wouldn’t take care of everything, but it could possibly fade things down to the point where you don’t mind going out in public, especially if you dust a layer of loose powder on over that.
If it makes you feel better, Sir Lionors is walking around with a black eye and a very badly bunged up nose from hitting himself in the face with a tennis racket. Sounds like it’s been one of those weeks all the way around.
Good luck. 
There’s some kind of over the counter medicine that’s supposed to help fade bruises faster. It’s called arnica—some kind of natural or herbal kind of remedy. You can find it in natural foods stores like Akin’s or Wild Oats. The kind I"ve seen is a gel and comes in a tube. You could try that to help your turkey hickeys fade.
And I’ve been one of those stupid kids with a giant round hickey on mouth and chin from a cup. I had to go to school like that!
If my husband comes home and finds me passed out or dead in front of the 'puter, it’s all ArtyDooDoo’s fault. I’ve been sitting here for the past 15 minutes or so, trying to catch my breath from laughing so hard.
Arty, you OWES us a pic. OWES us, I say. It couldn’t possibly be any worse than I’m imagining it.
And I think you should go with the ST Salt Vampire explanation. Tell them you fought off the vampire with potassium or something. It’d be more believable than the truth.
I’m really REALLY sorry that you’re in this mess, but damn…I’m just a giggling blob of jelly over here.