First of all, what the F is this? Darth Vader with missle-launching glider cape! Now, I know that Lucas does not personally approve every bit of licensing and probably doesn’t even know this thing exisit, but c’mon. Missle. Launching. Glider. Cape. Jesus!!!
So, it got me wondering what other wonderful opportunities we would have if all movies were merchandised the Star Wars way. The first thing that comes to mind is a great new breakfast cereal… FrodOhs!
Brokeback Mountain action figures with kung-fu grip?
Well, I don’t know about you, but I definitely want a missle-launching glider cape. I could swoop over to the drugstore to pick up a prescription and blow up a couple of cars on the way home!
Missile-launching Glider-cape Jesus® is available from Ministry of War Toyco.
(Wrath-O’-God Cross-bow® sold separately.)
The Charles Foster Kane sled.
You’ll wish you were a kid again!
And lifelike hair definitely lifelike hair.
How about Rock’Em Sock’Em Cinderella Man?
Spielberg’s Munich Arab Terrorist Killer Playset: don’t just chase the bad guys but blow the hell out of 'em! All action figures come with miniature Beretta .22s and actualy explosives! Olympic team figures come prewired for real blood action. (Far less controversial than the Schindler’s List playset.)
Capote action figures: push the button on Tru’s back and hear him tell 21 different lies about his past. Comes with a Catherine Kenner/Harper Lee action figure so that your GI Joe’s won’t beat the hell out of him. Also available: The In Cold Play Dough Murder Scene playset and the Barbie Kitchen Jail set.
RENT- you loved the Life Support meetings in the movie, now you can have one right in your own home! Comes with three semi-transparent figures so you can recreate the fadeout effect from the movie.
If all movies were marketed like Star Wars, I could finally get that Remains of the Day lunchbox.
I’m with you on the missile cape thing… I get pretty annoyed with all the spin-off toys that the “real” character would NEVER use… Batman toys especially; it isnt enough that a kid has a batman figure, he has to have super-combat-nightglo-heatseeking-ribbedforpleasure-deluxe Batman, loaded down with all sorts of shit that, if it were in real life, Bats would’nt be able to walk, let alone fight crime. Spider-man, as well; you have a spider-car, spider-bike, spider-chopper, spider-plane… He doesnt need a spider car! He’s Spider-Man! He fucking swings about!! :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:
As for what other merchandise we could get out of movies, I always wanted a William Munny Unforgiven action figure, complete with pigs and a laser guided SMART gun with armor piercing flechettes, and a Dog Day Afternoon playset complete with sex-change clinic attached, and a little electronic voice “Attaca! Attaca!”
For a while, he did own a Spider Buggy. He built it with the help of Johnny Storm, The Human Torch. It was a beach buggy. But, at the flip of a switch, it transformed into the Spider Buggy. There were web shooters on the hood. There was also a Spidey Signal. Spidey would turn that on to blind and distract criminals. When Mysterio, master of illusions, launched an attack that included an illusionary street, Spidey drove the buggy into the harbor. AFAIK, It remains there to this day.
Outsold by Twister - The Brokeback Mountain Edition
The Serenity Reavers - collect them all! Each one comes with lifelike biting jaws and a weapon! Watch those fingers kids! And collect the Reaver ships - each comes with lifelike bodies strapped on! Decorate with your own blood!
I’m pretty sure they recently built a new one.
Dead Ringers-
Gynecological Instruments For Operating On Mutant Women- Just like in the movie! Collect the whole set!
Gyn-O’s
Start each day with Gyn-O’s! These wheat cervixes taste great, and are packed with vitamins! Gyn-O’s, because a radical breakfast is required!
Didn’t know if you were joking or not, but they have them:
http://shop.store.yahoo.com/timespacetoys/sereacfi.html
Hey, I might drop a few dollars on the Eyes Wide Shut action set.
I’m definitely seeing a line of Fight Club designer bath soap…
How would you advertise it? “New Fi- oh, wait rule number 1. Ummm- Soap! Yes soap just like umm that thing…”
Titanic, now there’s a line of bath products.
A large ship that breaks in half when the hidden button is pushed by
A large plastic iceberg, which causes panic among all the
Action figures
My Dinner With Andre Action Figures!
