The only thing I can think is that it’s just pure surrealism. Or is there some cultural reference or news story that I’m missing?
I took it as a parody of Carter being attacked by the swimming rabbit.
Qadgop seems right. It’s also a really small article for such an event, possibly parodying either the huge newsgasm such an event would produce in real life or, possibly, Bush’s reduced role now that he’s a lame duck.
That’s what I took away from it. In addition, the article is very matter-of-fact and not at all sensationalist.
Maybe the joke is that Bush is now so irrelevant as president that what ought to be a major news story is treated in such a cursory manner.
[edit] Or, what faster typers already said…
It’s also a callback to this article. It might just be a running joke due to the staff’s dislike of Bush. That, or they want to parody ‘cartoonish’ violence by transposing it into the real world with real consequences.
“President Ford was killed and eaten by a pack of wolves yesterday. He was delicious.”
The line that he was “waist deep” indicates that the water was up to his ass with alligators.
Too late to drain the swamp.
I read the article and totally missed the connection. Well played, Onion.
Is it wrong that I think it would be awesome to have a President with a bionic arm?
Now with VETO POWER!!!
Only problem is when he uses it, everything goes into slow motion. 
I don’t know…14 feet long is a bit far-fetched for the American Crocodile.
No one’s pointed out the rarity of crocodiles in Florida (as opposed to the abundant alligators). I suppose that’s because there are crocs in FL, but just not common.
Rare, schmare. Nothing’s too good for our President!
“severe puncture wounds and torn flesh in his hip and upper thigh,” almost sounds like he’s half-assed.
Big Arkie himself was only thirteen feet long. 
Thanks for the explanation. It makes sense now, sort of.
The other day I heard the editor of The Onion interviewed on NPR, and they asked him if Bush’s departure would take away a major source of humor for them. He said he’s sure Obama will do some stupid things, and there’s always the “nerd” angle for them to lampoon.
It is funny because the Onion used to be a cutting edge humor magazine and now it is just crap. Ha ha.
An he was an alligator!