Yup. It’s that, just adding “hairy” and “gay” to the mix. Doesn’t mean anything else.
As others have mentioned, use in context can matter. Saying “he’s a big teddy bear” or “he’s a big bear of a guy” typically just means “big-n-hairy” with the implication of being gentle/kind in the first statement. “So-and-so is a real bear today” with a disgruntled tone? So-and-so is temperamental. “Bear” Grylls of the Discovery show “Man Vs. Wild” is straight (though I’d wonder about that hairless chest…). But if you say, “He’s a bear,” especially with significant emphasis on the last word, then yeah, big/hairy/gay.
My now-husband discovered this meaning when he was in college. He looks like a “bear” in that he’s very tall, very broad-shouldered, kinda “padded”, and relatively hairy. He also happens to think that the animal itself is cool, and was a geology major at the time, so he was wearing a carved-stone necklace (done in the style of a Zuni fetish) of a bear. A guy in one of his classes was talking with him, and my-then-boyfriend got the feeling that this guy had gone past friendly. When the other guy asked him to go out to a movie, Mr. Herder apologized and said he was already seeing someone. He related this tale to me later, and I chuckled and told him what his necklace was probably saying about him, at least in that case. He went :smack:
I hope he doesn’t think everyone with a bear emblem or bearclaw sticker on their vehicle is gay. That’s like thinking everyone with a rainbow emblem or sticker on their vehicle is gay.
Yes, I know a gay man who thinks that way about vehicles with rainbows.
Uhh. Yea. I also think a rainbow sticker on a vehicle pretty much screams “gay on board.” Or, at the very least, ‘gay rights/equal rights supporter on board.’
Mine is the standard bear paw (no claws). The pad is black, and each of the 5 things that would be fingers if human are a different color of the bear flag. I’ll have to post a picture once I find my digicam.
It has always meant a larger guy with hair in general. In the last ten years, I wouldn’t use it to describe somebody, unless they were gay. The paw is very much a flag to say gay bear crowd. I wouldn’t have taken that mug to mean anything about him though.
You’re right about one thing. This is a level of detail that you don’t need to think about. I know this is IMHO and not the Pit, so I’m going to tread lightly and I hope you take this in the vein that it’s intended.
How do you jump from a gay co-worker drinking from a coffee mug with a bear on it to equate a sexual act? I’m having trouble understanding your position. If a hetero co-worker was drinking from a coffee cup with a swallow on it, you automatically think of a sexual act? huh? Do you find yourself thinking about sex often? :dubious:
Yes, your co-worker is gay and he’s proud to be a large, hairy, gay man. His coffee cup doesn’t (shouldn’t) affect you.
ETA: This sounds more snarky than I intended. I didn’t mean to offend and apologize if I’ve done so.
And I think this is where your misperception and your discomfort lies.
I’m acquainted/friends with several bears, and there really is no aspect to it that says they like to top hairless skinny gay guys. Most of the bear-y guys I’ve met tend to seek out other guys like themselves - larger, with facial and body hair, etc. Bears have their own festivals, etc., which makes me think they tend to be attracted to each other, rather than just being a bunch of creepy guys hitting on twinks at the club.
It’s really more akin to putting an ad in the personals that says “Big Guy seeking Big Beautiful Woman”. But because historically gays have had to have “secret handshakes” (especially bears who don’t always ping peoples’ gaydar) there’s a symbolism attached. This guy telling you he’s a bear is not much different than a guy who passingly admires Pamela Anderson. YMMV, and I think you tend a lot prudier than me at work but still within the bounds of decency at most workplaces.
I think I phrased that badly. What I meant to say is that I didn’t want to make the knee-jerk statement that I don’t care about sexual orientation, that I have thought about whether it’s a bias in my own mind that makes me more uncomfortable with one orientation than another. I believe that reflection has led to *thoughtfully * say I don’t care.
That probably didn’t do much to clear it up. :smack:
Ruby, no offense taken. I am aware that I am a prude at work and maybe too vigilant about these things. [But, I thought everyone thinks about sex often. ]
MerryMagdelen, luckily we don’t have anyone admiring Pam Anderson either. If we did, I would definitely take the route of jokingly saying it’s not approrpriate at work (fingers in ears and saying “la-la-la, I can’t hear you”. )
Sure, the owner is probably gay or gay-friendly, particularly if the sticker in question is in the shape of a triangle, but everyone with a rainbow sticker isn’t like that. Maybe they’re a Jesse Jackson supporter, they just like rainbows, etc.
I’ve seen a Jeep with one of these in a Pentagon parking lot. Not exactly a gay-friendly environment there.
I see those everywhere around here. It is a gay emblem as far as I am concerned. But I suppose it is *possible *that the owner just likes rainbows. It’s also possible they need to be smacked with a rainbow-colored clue stick.
I don’t think the environment needs to be gay-friendly for someone to have a a rainbow sticker on their vehicle. Unless you are implying that no gays work in the Pentagon. (I know you aren’t.)
Try searching for rainbow stickers. Of the first two pages of results on Google, it looks like a whopping TWO aren’t gay related.
Given the reputation of our military, I suspect if the owner of the Jeep is not gay, that person is either protesting “don’t ask, don’t tell” or someone else put it there as a joke.
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