What is it feel like, to be unattractive?

In My Humble Opinion
61

I am an extremely unattractive male who stands out because I am both fat and VERY tall. I have terrible teeth (born all crooked) and years of bullying aged 12-18 mean’t for those 6 years I didn’t clean them, then for 10 years I smoked daily. It was only last year I decided I didn’t want to be unattractive anymore but it feels like trying to push water uphill with a spade.

People judge you like you are invisible. Like walking down the street, 300lb 6ft 8" guy and people walk straight INTO me, I constantly have to move out of the way of people because it is like they don’t even SEE me.

I know my teeth are terrible so I never smile, so people think I am negative (I am not, just a realist).

I make a lot of money in relation to “normal people” and own my own company so work when I want but people seem to think that because your hair isn’t combed and because you don’t have white teeth and a perfect body, that you are poor, and that is more for them to judge you on. The advantage of this is you can wear cheap clothes because it makes no difference.

Insecure people keep you around because compared to you society thinks they are awesome. You can see this in clubs, you will get 3-4 great looking girls and then one ugly one, who generally takes care of the others and is designated driver; not that she has a choice in the matter, because unattractive people are treated as “lessers”.

People generally treat you like dirt they stepped on. They try pushing infront of you in queues and give you a filthy look if you complain. They try and short-change you. They ask all their friends what they want to drink, skip you and just get you nothing, if you are all out. Car dealership salesmen completely ignore you or tell you that you are too poor to buy the car you are looking at “come back in a few years mate!” yet you could buy 5 of them, in cash.
Good luck getting the job you want if you are unattractive.

It is better to be attractive and downplay it than be unattractive and try and make yourself look attractive.

Now before you read (my first) this post and think I am a negative loser, I have been taking steps to combat this. I have lost 55lb of weight (and have 100lb to go), as well as eating and drinking a lot healthier. I haven’t had dairy for 3 weeks! I quit smoking last October. I don’t drink alcohol etc. I am 29, single (obviously), and I do exercise every day.

Pic for reference I guess

http://s11.postimg.org/vomvtgp1v/10462641_861479687213709_7071823585491760435_n22.jpg

The girl hugging me below pretended to be BFF!!!1111 but was talking about me behind my back I found out.
http://s10.postimg.org/xd557lgbt/10488225_861479673880377_6875937454001152941_n22.jpg

Turns out I was a free taxi (my car to the right).

62

Consequences, do you live in a city? People run into each other in the city. They’re assholes. That’s how it works.

I assume you joined (welcome!) and posted to get advice, so I’m going to give it.

Since you said that you are making a good living, I’d suggest having your teeth fixed and buying updated glasses. Get a good haircut and have your beard shaped to compliment your face. Start an exercise programme so you feel good, not to become an iron man (though if you end up wanting to do that, that’s fine, too). Buy a few stylish items of clothing (but nothing too weird), or some quality classic pieces of clothing to perk up cheaper stuff.

Seriously, don’t blame your past for your present. Fix what you can physically, and work on being a happy person in your skin. People find that attractive.

For the rest of it, fake it. No one knows you were bullied. So walk around with your head held high and act as if everyone of course finds you wonderful. People treat you the way you project.

Oh, and FFS, smile. Even if you do it with your lips closed until your dental work is done. You needn’t give a big, toothy grin to show that you’re approachable.

63

Yup. that drives me mental. It totally invalidates the experience of half the population, and essentially pats us on the head and says, “Now, now, little lady, he was just bein’ nice!”
And it happens all the time!

64

Wait. The only pics you could find to illustrate your unattractiveness are ones with women draped around you?

Um, zero points for effort. You might wanna try that again.

65

They are the only pics I have that involve other people.

66

Hey, thanks for the welcome. Not here so much as to ask questions, but to partake yes!

I didn’t see the point in doing anything until I lost the weight. I have the following planned for then:

New wardrobe $$$$
Eyes lasered $$$
Teeth - I will need complete removal and implants. $$$$$$$$$$
Hair styling - I have a tuft of hair that just does what it wants. No amount of gel or brylcream will change it. Not really sure what I can do. When I was 16 (and good looking) I tried going to a proper barbers and they couldn’t do much with it either.

67

Got any where you’re next to an inanimate object of commonly known size? Like a door?

68

Oh so it’s not the women you don’t approve of, you just don’t think I am 6ft 8".

Why didn’t you just say that?

69

Pic 2 looks like the back of an Audi A3 or A4 hatchback, which is about 4’ 8". That might help.

70

Nah, I believe you. I just figured that your reason to include other people in the pics was to illustrate yourself to scale. But the draped ladies really undermine your claim to unattractiveness, which keeps my sympathy module from operating properly. Hence the suggestion for some other object to illustrate size.

71

They were just friends.

72

Not going to quote the whole earlier post, but the people that you don’t think see you walking so you have to move actually do.
They are picking out the biggest person they can find, and issuing a sort of challenge.
They want to see if you will move.
Little guys do this to big guys all the time, especially in places where drinking goes on.
Take it from a 6’4" former 350# powerlifter, they know exactly what they are doing.

73

I don’t think I’m unattractive, just not attractive. Haven’t had a girl flirt or be even slightly hung up on me for decades. Plain, overweight, stammer, not verbally slick. I don’t have anything to compare it to, this is the only life I’ve known so I don’t know the specific hassles with being good looking but I wouldn’t mind trying it out.

74

Well, I’ll give this advice because you brought it up, but don’t think it’s because I think you need fixing. It’s just because you said these are things you want to fix.

I would say do the teeth immediately if you can. Smiling comfortably will do more for your social life than anything else. And I’m guessing that if you’re afraid to smile then the thought of kissing must be terrifying. As for the tuft of hair, dealing with curls is a specific specialty, like ENTs or Orthodontists. To find an expert, go to a salon that caters to black women. They will know how to straighten the tuft, or put a wave in the rest to blend it in.

As for the rest, I’m guessing you are in Europe? Because I have a cousin there who gets teased for being over 6’4" tall. It’s the weirdest thing to Americans, as taller is better over here. We simply can’t comprehend it, especially if the tall person is male. I suppose for women anything over about 5’11" is constantly noticed and commented upon, but it’s still a good thing, not a put down.

For everyone who has posted about being unattractive, I’ll post a video I love. I’ve never been a huge Ashton Kutcher fan, but this is awesome.

75

I have no idea what it feels like to be unattractive. Hell, every time I walk into a Bangkok bar, the girls all yell, “Hello, handsome man!” So I must be special.

On a related note, I’m going to tell you a secret. Thais pronounce “darling” as “dahling.” Many of the girls who sit outside the bars in the red-light areas will shout out, “Hello, dahling!” However, if you listen closely, some of them are actually saying, “Hello, nah-ling,” nah-ling being Thai for “monkey face.” This passes as high humor in Thailand.

76

I can fall into either classification depending on where I am and who I am with. I do feel better when I am feeling more attractive. I will never be super attractive but feeling moderately attractive does feel good. When I am somewhere I feel very unattrative or out of my league I usually feel like I would just as soon leave early.

77

Being unattractive sucks. Consequences talked about how people who aren’t attractive are assumed to be poor, but I find this happens with pretty much any judgement. If you’re ugly you’re judged negatively immediately, and that colors everything. You’re deemed less trustworthy, nice, smart, etc.

78

The opposite of good looking is not ugly. It’s simply “not good looking”.

I’m not bad looking, but the chasm between that and genuinely good looking remains incredibly vast.

79

I had a friend back in high school who was very tall and rather unfortunate looking. Though not unpopular or shunned, she didn’t get a lot of dates. She was quite smart, got great grades, and concentrated on her studies in high school and after. Today she is wealthy, sophisticated, much better looking, and happily involved with a partner. It took some time to get to where she is today, but she told me at a reunion she had certainly had plenty of time to crack the books and so make a success out of her life. Her attitude was always positive and I think that was more important to happiness than being attractive or unattractive. As the saying goes, Beauty Fades, But Dumb Is Forever. Luckily, she was not dumb!
It may have been in the book written by the Mayflower Madam, who said about her stable of whores, the prettiest, most beautiful women were most likely to be forgetful, scatter-brained, apt to be late to appointments, that kind of thing. She didn’t come out and say they were stupid, but this implied they were bumbling through life not taking responsibility for their actions, depending on others to prop them up and bail them out of jams. Like, 'oh, I’m late for a nooner and forgot what hotel room, but it’ll be OK, I’m so pretty I’ll get lots more jobs to make up for missing one."

80

I guess I’m average looking, because I am struggling to relate to those in this thread that call themselves ugly and the ones that call themselves beautiful.

I’ve been called cute, beautiful, hot, sexy AND ugly, fat. So this whole thread is fascinating. I honestly can’t figure out where I would fall on the attractiveness scale :confused: