Yes, it has happened to me before.
Acquaintances yes, but not by upper tier friends. My female friends are friends with me on merit only. Probably my closest female friend is the one I’ve referred to as “the Little Big Horn of my Heterosexuality”- I wasn’t out when we met and she made me realize that I wasn’t bisexual or capable of a long term hetero relationship because if I couldn’t get interested in her that way I couldn’t be in any woman. (She’s super attractive, funny, brilliant, we have the same taste in almost everything- the coveting of he-ass unfortunately for our romantic prospects being one of them.)
I have been drunkdialed by lower tier female friends- more than once- wanting to Tell the Gay Friend about their romantic problems and suggesting we hook up or even- and I’m serious (and it’s happened more than once) get married. “I doonnnn care thattt you doan fine me sexuallll [hic] desira… good looking, we doan have to screw, just be togeeether…”. In the queeniest voice I can muster, “AWWWWWWWWWWK-WARD!” Any other homos had this experience or something similar?
My own Best Gay Friend (BGF)- a former lover who many years later is still the person I call the most/vacation with/use as default escort [in the non rentboy sense] to weddings and the like, and who being better looking than I am and more of a partier has had this experience even more- explained it best when talking to a drunk she-friend: “Look, it’s not that gay guys are nicer than straight guys or any less motivated by sex than straight guys. Take the average straight guy and the average gay guy and there’s no difference in morality or kindness or ethics, you’ve got a lot of gay and straight ‘real shits’ out there and you’ve got some gay and straight real ‘saints’ out there and then most guys, gay or straight, somewhere in between. The difference is that we treat women like straight guys treat their buddies- people with whom we can be blunt and crude and coarse and all but not have to worry about sexual tension We treat our boyfriends like straight guys treat their girlfriends and wives and we treat other gay guys like straight guys treat women.”
Add to that, “I’m getting old and I want a baby! You’d father my child, wouldn’t you? It’d be total responsibility-free for you!”
Wait, you mean that’s not just the plot of a terrible Madonna movie?
Three times. No joke.
As someone who has read your posts for years and who tends to agree with most of your opinions, you could always introduce this lonely lady to me—I am sure the three of us would get along just great!!! 
High school. Me, about 16. Him, a total, out, raging queen, about 17. Drinking age: 18. We went to a bar and had a couple of beers (no one ever asked for ID!). Left in his car and parked, if you know what I mean…:eek::eek::eek: Yowza, how did THAT happen??? I must have been one of those warm available bodies mentioned :D. He left right after school to work as a hair stylist, so that was the end of that. I wonder whatever became of him, he was a good friend and certainly advanced my, uh, education.
Perhaps for some people, but even at my drunkest I can’t imagine having sex with a woman.
He sounds…not that gay. You sure he wasn’t bi?
I love my gay friends because if they tell me I look good, I know they’re not lying to get in my pants. My mom is a total fag hag; pretty much all of her friends are gay men. I think that is because of her career, though—she doesn’t actually go seek out gay guys to be bestest friends with.
Well, he COULD have been bi, or omni-sexual, for all I knew. He presented himself to the world as gay gay gay. (I saw polaroid pics of him and his boyfriend:eek:) Raging hormones were certainly a factor. This was quite a few years ago, we were small town teens , and before teh internets.
For me, it’s sort of this.
I have wonderful female friends. Would never give them up, ever. My very best friends are other women. But I do like men and male companionship. There’s something about a male friend you don’t get with a female friend.
While I have straight male friends, I can’t be quite as relaxed with them as with my gay male friends. There’s a line you have to be careful not to cross or you send signals you don’t intend. There’s an undercurrent of “is one of us attracted to the other or looking for something more”? That kind of thing.
…
What is it about straight men and lesbians?
There’s nothing about straight men and lesbians, even though there should be the same dynamic as with straight women and gay men. No sexual tension (lesbians aren’t interested, and men generally don’t find real-life lesbians attractive), interest in the same things, similar styles of communication, and so on.
Hello, my name is Cellphone and I’m a Dutch Boy (gender inverse of “Fag Hag” or “a boy who hangs around dikes/dykes”). I can assure you there are many, many, many of my sister’s friends that I’ve met over the years and thought, “Hot damn, she’s a goddess!” only to be disappointed to find out they’re totally not into men. :: le sigh ::
But anyway, no, one should not expect a similar dynamic between lesbians and straight men.
A girl can hang out with a guy and never even think for a second that the guy is anything other than a friend - a 0% romantic interest - , but the guy no matter how much he se’s the girl as a “friend only” may still reserve a 1% “well, I now she doesn’t like me, but if she ever did, then… maybe” feeling for the girl.
So my sister’s lesbian friends still would prefer to hang out with gay guys because they are the “best friend guys” who also have the 0% interest and therefore there will never, ever be that awkward conversation in which the guy says, “I know you aren’t at all interested, being a lesbian and all, but I still feel I need to confess that I have a crush on you.” And then the poor guy gets the “I see you as a brother” speech.
Seriously, most of my sister’s friends have a story about how their best male friend (straight) ruined a perfectly good friendship by confessing they wish they could be more than friends.
Also, IME, lesbians don’t really have any more in common with guys than straight women do. Granted, more of my sister’s gay friends own their own power saws than most straight women I know, but that’s about it. They still like “girl stuff” even if they don’t like girlie versions of girl stuff. Eg/ My sister’s girlfriend loves well designed full-length dresses, but not frilly froo-froo.
I’m a straight woman, and your post reminds me of how my lesbian friends have complained about how many straight men have wanted to have sex with them in order to “convert” them. The way they described it the guy was so cock-sure of himself, and so sure she was only a lesbian because she hadn’t slept with the “right” straight guy. And he wanted to “fix” that for her. Bleh. It seemed lesbians couldn’t just relax and be friends with straight guys for the same reason straight women couldn’t. The straight guys they hung with still couldn’t stop thinking of them as a sex object, but even more so especially because they were lesbian. Irony.
I’ve found this also to be true. Whether they’re butch or the frilly/girly type, lesbians don’t get along with straight guys any more than straight women do, and vice-versa.
I personally haven’t been friends with gay guys. It seems I’ve only encountered the competitive catty gay men who wanted to scratch my eyes out and steal my boyfriend. I’ve had a few lesbian friends, but have never been friends with gay men. But I’ve had quite a few platonic friendships with straight guys, probably because I grew up with lots of brothers and can relate to guys… (erm… just psome of them).
Gee, from reading all this it seems it’s impossible for a straight guy ever to be friends with a woman (gay or straight). All those times I thought I was getting along with my female “friends,” I was actually intimidating them as they wondered from moment to moment whether I was about to put the moves on them (if not rape them). Gosh, I never realized just what a wild animal I am.
Koxinga,
I realise that some characterisations of female-straight male relations were overly broad but please let’s not turn this into a thread similar to the sexual assault ones. One can believe that something is commonly a problem without thinking that it’s always a problem.
Uh…you know that at least 3 posters got to these before Koxinga, right?
I have friends of both sexes, multiple orientations and I personally have no issue with sexual tension with any of them. There have been in the past but I have found that honesty is an excellent first step and if that doesn’t work brutal honesty is the next one.
However, one of the women in our circle has been dealing with an ongoing crush by one of the men that just adds an extra level of stress for her to all the outings. It’s a fairly tightknit group and she doesn’t want him to feel unwelcome but she’s constantly dancing on the line of hurting his feelings vs giving him encouragment. He’s been openly and clearly told that although she values his friendship she harbors no romantic feelings for him but he quite obviously holds out hope that will change at some point in the future. She hasn’t extrapolated that to all men, but I can see why having had that experience she would be wary of new male friends. She’s a nice lady and is trying very hard to not hurt his feelings and force friends to choose, but in the long run I think they’d both be better off if she’d move to brutal honesty.