Straight Women: Do You Always Seem To Fall For Gay Men

Yep, that would be me.

Don’t know why… I guess because I’m an artist and so many of the men I’ve met in the circles I travel are gay. I know that many times their feelings for me have been requited – as far as it goes. Don’t get me wrong – my gaydar is pretty strong, so I don’t go out intentionally looking for men who can only bring me disappointment. I also believe that a straight woman’s gay male friends are some of the best friends she’ll ever have, but that’s all they’ll ever be.

Just once I’d like to meet a straight man who could empower me, compliment and encourage me the way my gay male friends have. And I always have treated them the same.

This is a relatively moot point for me now, because I have not been in a relationship at all for 7 years, but I still think about it, and yearn for it. I pay close enough attention to popular culture and old movies to know that I can still drum up “that old feeling,” but it tends to be for the well, you know… sweet boys…

Anyone else out there in this club?

I am the leader of this club!

My last two boyfriends were gay and I found out they were making out behind my back. I always fancy gay men as well -it;s kinda scary. Makes me feel alone and like I’m always gonna be alone. Shame really :frowning:

Goodness, you and I really are cut from the same cloth!

Don’t worry, dear . . . Someday you will work your way up to falling for married men. Then a few years later, all men will lose all interest in you, and it’ll all be academic.

–“Thoroughly Maudlin Millie”

Eve, Guess what? Your scenario has already come true – to the letter! And, Blue-poop, you have some company. Chin up I say!

[hijack] There really are good STRAIGHT guys. You just can’t expect them to act like substitute girlfriends. We just wont chat about your feelings for hours, we just don’t do that. Sorry[/hijack]

I don’t know, but lately I’ve been thinking that Ian McKellen is really sexy. Of course, he’s also kinda old…but…

It will pass.

I knew very few gay men. Met one, we became friends, starting hanging out and the next thing you know, my social life is smack dab in the gay community. Fell in love with several of them and almost married one of them. Through mutual (gay) friends my hubby and I met. I still have gay friends but my life is no longer all about them.

I will say some of the best times I ever had was a year of self imposed celibacy when I lived in a house of a half dozen men. I learned how to dress better and what make-up worked and what didn’t from a few of them that did drag. I always had someone to party with, and nobody cared if I walked around the apartment half-naked.

It boiled down to no sexual pressure. And having a (good-looking) guy to go out with who understood when you bitched about men didn’t hurt either.

Nope. Never. Not once. Friends, yes. Attracted to? No.

In my Spanish class at university I sat with a few teachers and people I knew. One teacher was way adorable. We chatted and finally after about 5 weeks he asked me out. YAY! Went for a drink and in the middle of the conversation he mentioned his partner by name. :frowning: Crud. He was gay.

Oh well. We ended up becoming the best of friends - going out for drinks and to the movies several times per week, go to the gym, go for walks, just hang out at his place. I’d go to gay parties with him, help him host a few even. I would even go so far as to say I loved him in a way. He was a great person.

Unfortunately, when I met my husband and moved to England, he lost interest in maintaining our friendship. Emails stopped and when we went back to the States he seemed grumpy and not very interested in getting together.

He was a good friend.

[ot]I read the thread title as “…Too Tall for Gay Men” and so the OP – which I was hoping would explain the title – didn’t make any sense at all.[/ot]

My sisters, join hands! You are NOT alone. (I apologize in advance for the length of this post)

Shall we list the gay influences on Harli’s life?

  1. Grade 10. I’m talking with a male friend on the phone. He’s telling me about how every girl he’s ever asked out has turned him down. We talk more. He asks me out. I feel sorry for him, so I say yes. 24hrs later, horrible feelings of guilt. Call him up, explain in all brutal honesty. His reply? “Well, since we’re being honest here…I’m gay.” Ran into him quite a few years later at a gay bar and made out with him.

  2. My highschool sweetheart. Very thin, effiminate, great bubble butt, pretty boy face. Screams “GAY” but isn’t…so he says. Four years later breaks up with me for a girly-girl, gets engaged then married. We used to talk about how I was the more masculine one in the relationship. I still believe I threatened his masculinity, and that he’s still a closet case.

  3. The Big Gay Faggot. Met BGF (this was his own name for himself) and immediately became friends with him. No romantic interest at all, but he was my first real gay friend. He introduced me to the gay clubs and all the wonders of “gaydom”. Loved it. Had a blast. Somewhat unreliable friend, we fell out of contact.

  4. The Undecided Man and his Gay Best Friend. Became friends with UM as friendship with BGF was winding down. Attraction? YES! Compatibility? Incredibly so. He had met his GBF through a student house they ended up living in together in university. I was great friends with the GBF too. Made out with him too. Although he’d known he was gay since he was 16, he was starting to become bi-curious, and I was the object of that curiousity. Go figure. The three of us eventually move in together. GREAT TIMES! The UM and I have this bizarre relationship. Absolute best friends, with little romantic contact. Some kissing, lots of massages and hugs. But he strings me along. After about a year of telling everyone at the gay club that he’s straight, admits bisexuality. Still tells me I’m the woman for him, but just not quite yet. I’m the woman he can see marrying one day…but one day. I knew he’d been fooling around with the GBF, but he one day calls it quits. I know he’s been hanging around with another gay guy, but I’m too naive to put two and two together. He comes home from being out with the other guy one night, is afraid to go past GBF’s room (he’s not been taking it so well lately). We talk. Him: “You are the greatest woman ever. I’m so lucky to have you.” Me: “So be with me.” Him: “Uhhmm… Harli…I’m Gay.” I’ll sum this one up quickly. I find out there have been lies the entire time I’ve known him, and they keep growing. I eventually phase him out.

But I’m with a straight man now who lets me be me. I miss the fashion sense of my gay boys, but I wouldn’t change what I have now, for the world.

Thanks ECJones29! :slight_smile: One of the guys really confuses me. We sometimes make out when we go out at the weeked to a gay club apart from that time he went home with a guy somewhat older than him :frowning: I really love the guy though and Ive known him for such a long time but he can be such a big pain in the ass!!!

Heh … I should get my fag hag to read this thread and perhaps post her thoughts here. :slight_smile:

[Yes, “fag hag” is pejorative, but I call her far worse things, and she returns in kind… it’s just part of our friendship. :wink: She is my “official fag hag”, and I am very proud of that! :D]

I prefer to think of myself as a Queer Dear.

Heh … I’d never heard that term before. I quite like it too. BUT it isn’t insulting enough for the way my friend and I talk to each other. :wink:

“I am what is known as a fag-hag. We are the backbone of the gay community.”

Oh yes, I too am definitely a fruit fly.

I abhor straight bars and spend alot of time smack dab in the middle of the gay community (Living with two lesbians and a bisexual woman probably have something to do with this)
The guy I’m seeing is a bit effeminate and when I first met him my gaydar (usually quite the unreliable filter) went off in a big way. It’s been 5 months and no out of the closet revelations from him… so who knows.

But lemme tell you… a good friend of mine at work is gay and I can’t help but fall all over myself where he’s concerned. I think he knows as much, but he thinks its kinda flattering… it seems.

Ive taken to using my best friend (a lesbian) as a gay filtering device in my dating choices. She seems to have a less faulty gaydar than I.

I do think I grativate towards gay men because I don’t feel any pressure around them. They don’t care that I’m wearing unflattering jeans, because they weren’t flattered by my ass in the first place, ya know? :wink:

Argh… Its frusterating to be so undeniably drawn to them though. Though, as someone else has mentioned, it’s nice to have a good looking guy to spend time around without any sexual entanglements.

Well, my fellow queer dears, this is getting interesting… Now let me digress a little. I ask you, what gay guy really does it for you? (The one for whom the phrase “what a waste” was invented?)

For me it would be Neil Tennant of the Pet Shop Boys. I’ve even started a novel about him but I doubt I’ll finish it. :smack:

Because, obviously, the friendships between gay men and straight women only exist so we can act as ‘substitute girlfriends.’ And, it’s apparent that all we do is sit around and chat about feelings for hours. It’s quite certain to me, zoid. that you don’t have the slightest understanding of what you’re commenting on.

Hmm, I don’t think I’ve ever been in love with a gay man per say…(Well, you never can tell!) However, I do have some very close friendships with gay men. I have the best time with them. Plus, I can hang out with men and get another male perspective without my husband getting jealous!

Oh, ok, I am in love with one gay man. Rupert Everett!!! Mmmm. And you know, Ian McKellen is quite hot. Old yes, but hot nonetheless!!

I prefer “Fairy Godmother” which is how several of my gay friends refer to me.

zoid is right - nothing wrong with straight guys. I married one, after all. But I was lucky enough to marry one who is very gay-friendly.