What is my ex-wife up to? [child support]

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

[QUOTE=chrisk]
Skimming through this thread pretty quickly - I spotted this and wondered…

“Hey, I wonder why that guy refers to his ex as Pizza Slut”
:wink:

(Yeah, I get the reference now. Never heard that one before though.)
[/QUOTE]

Ok, aside from laughing about you not getting the reference at first…uhhh…with a name like Litoris, you thinked I was a boi?!?

IIRC, in TN, child support goes through DCS or it isn’t considered paid, no matter how much “proof” you have that you paid it. Long story short, my ex once neglected to pay our mutually agreed upon child support for roughly 7 months because his live-in gf’s 4 exes weren’t sending her enough to support all of them, so the money that should have been coming to his own daughter was being used for her 4 or 5 brats – I looked into how badly I could screw him if I needed to – once he understood just how much worse I could make it, he understood just how nice I actually am. FWIW, he has never missed a payment or been late since except for a period when he was unemployed and let me know ahead of time, during which time, I had a good job and the money wasn’t needed for us to survive.

22

For what it is worth, a sign is no real indication that her house may be on the market. It is up to the homeowner to decide if they want the sign or not (or the home owners association if they allow them) It is perfectly legal to sell a house with no sign. However, a Realtor is obligated to put the house in the local MLS system and serious fines can result. That being said, there is such things as “pocket listings.” For example, I am selling my house, my best friend is a Realtor, she knew this and if she had a client that was looking for a house like mine, she would have absolutely shown them my house, even though we did not have a Listing Agreement signed yet. You would bet she would have had one before the sale was closed though.

I’d think she was up to no good. How she may be up to no good is anyones guess. CYA.

23

[QUOTE=Litoris]
with a name like Litoris, you thinked I was a boi?!?
[/QUOTE]
Millions of men have dropped a C just to get a clitoris.

24

I think you may have pissed her off with your reaction to her scheduling without consultation.

There’s no way in hell I’d pay child support directly to a spouse. I wasn’t aware states still allowed that. Amicable or not, most states want the money to go through them so they have an accurate picture of the situation. It’s for your protection as well as hers.

I’d apologize for bringing up the lawyer thing and see how that goes. And talk to a lawyer about getting those payments monitored by the state. Best of luck to you.

25

[QUOTE=Kalhoun]
There’s no way in hell I’d pay child support directly to a spouse. I wasn’t aware states still allowed that.
[/QUOTE]

It’s definitely allowed in California. I thought that it was the norm but I could be wrong about that. People who don’t pay on time can get their wages garnished which happened to a scumbag former co-worker of mine.

26

[QUOTE=ratatoskK]
It seems to me that you overreacted first by bringing up the “L” word, then she overreacted in a similar way. I would just let it drop and send the check wherever she wants.
[/QUOTE]

That’s what I thought. Why bring up the “L” word at all? It’s mid-May; it’s not unreasonable for the summer visitation schedule to be worked out by now. If you can’t communicate with her via phone or in person, why didn’t you take the initiative and send her a note with the dates you’re available in the summer so that she could create a mutually agreeable schedule? She created one, you agreed that the dates worked for you. What’s the problem?

I really believe that your irritation stems not from the summer visitation schedule, but from the fact that she cheated on you and now your kid is being raised by the man who had an affair with your wife. That must truly suck and you have my sympathy. However, for the sake of your child who is in an impossible situation, I hope you can learn to put aside your anger and find a way to communicate effectively.

27

You had an agreement in your divorce papers that she wouldn’t move too far away?

Then it’s obvious: she’s breaking that agreement. Her lawyer will keep her location confidential, so you can’t prove she’s breaking the agreement.

28

[QUOTE=Litoris]
Ok, aside from laughing about you not getting the reference at first…uhhh…with a name like Litoris, you thinked I was a boi?!?

[/QUOTE]

Actually, I hadn’t even noticed your name at that point. :slight_smile:

29

This isn’t directly related, but here’s a link to a thread I started asking about a similar issue: Rant about about the CA child support “disbursement system” - advice needed

Your ex sounds like a real asshole. I would talk to a lawyer.

30

[QUOTE=PunditLisa]
That’s what I thought. Why bring up the “L” word at all? It’s mid-May; it’s not unreasonable for the summer visitation schedule to be worked out by now. If you can’t communicate with her via phone or in person, why didn’t you take the initiative and send her a note with the dates you’re available in the summer so that she could create a mutually agreeable schedule? She created one, you agreed that the dates worked for you. What’s the problem?

I really believe that your irritation stems not from the summer visitation schedule, but from the fact that she cheated on you and now your kid is being raised by the man who had an affair with your wife. That must truly suck and you have my sympathy. However, for the sake of your child who is in an impossible situation, I hope you can learn to put aside your anger and find a way to communicate effectively.
[/QUOTE]

Wow. Talk about letting work get to you. :rolleyes:

You seem to have done everything your ex-wife has asked of you. Being a child of divorce, I hope “mommy” will grow up and stop using your daughter as a weapon.

31

I’m confused about how a sneak move by the ex could possibly succeed. If the OP has visitation rights, how can the ex move without revealing where she and the daughter live? Doesn’t he have a right to know where his daughter is?

Or is she simply hiding the act of moving itself, so that the new address is a fait accompli when the OP learns of it? If that’s the case, isn’t bringing the lawyer into the equation just tipping her hand that something is up?

Obviously, I am easily confused.

32

[QUOTE=Fish]
You had an agreement in your divorce papers that she wouldn’t move too far away?

Then it’s obvious: she’s breaking that agreement. Her lawyer will keep her location confidential, so you can’t prove she’s breaking the agreement.
[/QUOTE]

Except for, if she really does move, there’s no kid to pick up.

33

Naw. She’d bring the kid, when it suited her, to a pre-arranged drop-off point, without ever revealing where she lives.

34

As a soon-to-be lawyer…

get an actual lawyer.

I am not a lawyer. I am not your lawyer.

35

[QUOTE=PunditLisa]
If you can’t communicate with her via phone or in person, why didn’t you take the initiative and send her a note with the dates you’re available in the summer so that she could create a mutually agreeable schedule?
[/QUOTE]

What you’ve suggested is what we’ve done for 6 years. This mailed schedule pre-empted that. I can only imagine how she would react if I’d mailed her a schedule already set in stone.

The problem is that there was no input from me until after the fact and it sets a bad precedent for me for the next 10 years where we need to cooperate over this. I like to amuse myself by pretending I have a few rights left.

Well, this is a person who repeatedly browbeat our couples counselor, has lied to me numerous times, and a month ago yelled at me over the phone for ten minutes because I gave our child Children’s Tylenol for a fever instead of homeopathic magic drops. Sorry if my letter is striking you as unreasonably angry and confrontational. If this relationship is a contentious one, it’s a situation she has created – and repeatedly stoked the flames. It’s nice to think that if I just made reasoned phone calls that’s what I would get in return, but it hasn’t been my experience thus far. Maybe you missed the part where she broke the divorce agreement to move and informed me of this after she’d put in on offer on a house, leaving me with a 2.5-hour drive between my job and my child. I got a lawyer then, too–I hope that wasn’t too angry on my part.

[QUOTE=CairoCarol]
I’m confused about how a sneak move by the ex could possibly succeed. If the OP has visitation rights, how can the ex move without revealing where she and the daughter live?
[/QUOTE]

In New York, anyway, you can revisit child visitation any time you want without regard to previous agreements; so, yes, apparently a custodial parent can decide they’re moving a child across the state or the country, and the best the non-custodial parent can hope for is winning a stay from a judge, which may or may not succeed. But,no, as far as I can tell she can’t just sneak away without telling me and expect me to mail checks to a PO box in Utah without seeing my kid ever again. I think. Anyway, I am talking to a lawyer, folks, thanks for your advice.

And believe me when I say I keep my daughter out of this entirely and only say positive things about her mother and stepfather to her.

36

[QUOTE=hajario]
It’s definitely allowed in California. I thought that it was the norm but I could be wrong about that. People who don’t pay on time can get their wages garnished which happened to a scumbag former co-worker of mine.
[/QUOTE]

Hmmm…I think Illinois requires you to go through the state. Not sure, though. I would have been thrilled to have received anything at all from Kid Kalhoun’s dad. A $10 tied to a rock and hurled through my window would have been impressive.

37

[QUOTE=NurseCarmen]
Millions of men have dropped a C just to get a clitoris.
[/QUOTE]

snort :stuck_out_tongue:

38

Call her lawyer. He may not know what is happening. If she is off base he may explain what it is about.

39

This is why my ex- and I have joint custody of our children. Neither of us can move, or even take them somewhere, without informing the other. Luckily, we’re on very good terms – it helps that she’s one of the nicest humans on the planet, and obviously smart enough not to stay married to me. :slight_smile:

I presume, Ichbin Dubist, that the way you pay your support was already cleared by your lawyer? Was the payment set by a court?

40

Is it possible that your EX is being ordered to run everthing through an attorney?
Like, maybe she got in some financial legal trouble (or maybe they did) and now they have to document all their financial transactions and, since they probably had to get a lawyer to defend themselves anyway, they’re using the same guy instead of hiring an accountant.
Just a thought.