Incubus, living with your parents until you finish school seems like a very reasonable path for you to take. I don’t look down on you for it at all.
However, I doubt very much that I would date someone still living at home. It’s nothing personal–there are, for example, many smokers who are fascinating and attractive people–but I wouldn’t date them, either. Nobody has to give you a good reason for not wanting to date you. Some people aren’t attracted to blondes; some people won’t date outside their own faith; and some, like me, wouldn’t date smokers or adults who still live with their parents. Everybody has their own limits and standards when it comes to romance.
Whether you meant to sound like an asshat or not, you do. I have news for you. Not only do I have issues with anxiety and depression, and not only do I live with my parents, but I have a boyfriend and I’m nearly engaged and we’re planning a wedding for next year. Having mental health issues and having an SO are not mutually exclusive. I have been completely honest with my SO from the beginning - and he helps me through my problems because he loves me. I have baggage. He deals with that because I’m trying to deal with it as best I can. Love can make it through baggage. It’s worth it to try.
He also doesn’t give a shit that I live with my parents because he knows I’m doing it to make sure we start our marriage debt-free.
As she said in her post, Infectious Lass has a boyfriend. So obviously she’s found someone who cares about her enough to help her work through the baggage, too. It’s not an impossibility. And it also makes me think you didn’t read her post carefully enough before chastising her. Obviously, the ‘stigma’ of living at home and not being able to find a potential mate doesn’t apply to her.
And since Guinastasia didn’t do this, I’ll give you a :rolleyes: for your generalizing.
This absolutely gives me fuzzies. In a word with too many people who can’t be in the same room with their parents and parents who want nothing to do with their children, I think it’s beautiful that you have such a closeknit family.
Thanks:). I love it. My dad has three brothers and a sister, my mom has two sisters and a brother, and when you count cousins, second cousins, great-aunts, etc - our family is huge. We all got together for my brother’s wedding several weeks ago, and aside from some cousins on my mom’s side being total assholes (although it was resolved last week - I found out what happened - it still wasn’t a good enough reason for them to act why they did, butat least I knew WHY they acted this way), it was one of the best times of my life. My family met my boyfriend for the first time, he met my family, and I got to hang out with my cousins and aunts and uncles whom I adore. I know much of it is because of my dad’s parents - they are such amazing people and they’ve passed that onto their children - and is used to worry me that when we lose them, we’ll lose this closeness, but now I know that won’t happen - I want my kids to have the opportunity to grow up being a part of this huge extended family as well. I love my family very much and I’ve been blessed - I’m very much aware of that:). And now I’m very much looking forward to my own wedding in another year and a half - so we can all get together again and have a huge blowout party:).
First, my point was that I have worked too damn hard to create my own independence only to find I have to teach someone else how to do it. Therefore, I would not date someone who is into their 30’s, is able-bodied (and able-minded) and still needs parental assistance. It was not my intention to send the message that I think I’m better than anyone else, regardless of anyone’s circumstances. You are correct – I have no idea what caused YOUR circumstances. The OP, however, asked if I would date someone who lived at home and why or why not? As Eleanor Roosevelt said, the only person who can make you feel inferior is yourself. So if you felt so defensive as to post such vitriol in my and lezler’s direction, then you must be feeling pretty insecure about your own circumstances. That is not my problem, nor am I judging you for your choices in life. I would simply not date you, if you were a guy and lived anywhere near me. Sounded like you’re the one who is jealous, not that anyone asked me. I would still be your friend and help you out in any way I could, as a friend. I do not judge my friends who are in difficult circumstances. I do judge any potential life partner, however. I do not have to live with my friends and carry their lives for them. A life partner… I would have to live with, presumably for life.
Seems as though you appear to recognize that my post was not intended to make you feel bad. You did that all by yourself. I accept your apology and I appreciate it. There’s lots of reason why people need to live with their parents. My post was in regard to those who have no good reason, just convenient excuses. Sounds like you have good reasons. How could we disagree on that?
P.S. Lezlers seems like you and I might be a good match!
LOL. Just let me know if you ever decide to have the surgery… or have a twin brother who is single and thinks just like you! (And, of course, who does not live with your mother.)
Years ago, I had a friend in her 30s or 40s, who lived with her mom and her sister. They were all independent, had their own lives and own incomes (my friend worked for the soap opera “General Hospital” so it wasn’t like she was broke).
Their living arrangment made an impression on me because it was so “different”. Each person had an individual space that was their own–I remember seeing that the sister had a screen door on her room or her “area”. Because it was like she had her own “apartment” within the house. Or something like that. It seemed a little odd to me at first, but the more I thought about it, it made sense. They all had their own lives, but they were there to look out for each other, and they saved on expenses.
Funny, I find myself in a similar situation now. I have “roommates” that are related to me. We all share in the expenses (we can’t afford to not pitch in our fair share). We obviously live nicer and far better now (sharing expenses on one house) than we would if we all lived apart. Also, there are health issues with some of us (not me) and it’s good that we live together, so we can look after each other.
If there is a stigma attached to the way I live now, that’s tough shit. Like avabeth, I know people who live on their own who have a much less interesting life than I do. They’ve never gone anywhere outside of their home state, they don’t have time (or don’t have the inclination) to pursue any interests or hobbies, and yet somehow they are “better off” than me? Whatever. All I can say is that I’d never want to change places with them.
I also have to add one other thing–I have found that those who so vehemently bitch about people who live at home with “mommy and daddy” are often just jealous. Or there is a tinge of jealousy there. I have seen it on this thread.
But, I understand that there is a somewhat justifiable stigma against the person who is living off their folks (as in, they are well up in years, not contributing anything to the household, able-bodied in mind and spirit but still not contributing because they don’t “have” to). This kind of stigma I understand. But stigmatizing someone for having an “alternative” living arrangement that is not anyone else’s business? Screw that.
I’d just like to repeat the fact that no one here is just randomly getting on people that live with their parents.
The OP started a thread asking a question. People answered the OP’s question. Now all of these posters that still live at home are rushing in crying “it’s none of your business, it’s none of your business!”
Um, I’m sorry but it is, because we were asked our opinion, see? You can defend yourself (whether it’s your intent or not, that’s how it’s coming across) until the cows come home, it doesn’t make one lick of difference for the purposes of this thread.
lezlers, I think what I am talking about is when people do go up to an individual and make (unsolicited) comments about their living arrangments. Yes, the OP asked for opinions, but as we all know, in real life, you don’t always have to solicit opinions in order to get them. And some of these unsolicited opinions are neither welcome, or necessarily appropriate considering the situation.
One of my friends is divorced, supporting her kid on her own (because her deadbeat ex is in prison and is not helpful, to say the least) and this friend sometimes gets grief because she moved back in with mom. And she’s also studying very hard to become an RN, while working fulltime! She’s certainly not “sponging” off her mom, because her mom simply could not afford that. (My friend is itching to finish her studies, get a job as a nurse have her own house and give her kid a good life.) But somehow she’s still a deadbeat? I don’t think so. Besides, how is it anyone else’s business, and why should people judge her so?
As for myself, I don’t really get a lot of grief because I don’t talk about my home life that much. (And, just for the record, no, I don’t live with “mommy and daddy”.) And I don’t get too worried if someone who has never seen an ocean or a mountain in their whole life and has no interests or hobbies (other than watching Jerry Springer) “looks down” on me. (Oops! Was I being judgmental about someone else? I suppose so. But I wasn’t expressing an unsolicited opinion to them, personally, which is the crux of my point.)
this is an interesting thread for me because at 29 and with a 34 year over partner in tow we are both moving in with my parents for a year. this time next year we are moving countries…again (the 3rd international move in the 8 years we’ve been together) the money saved in living with my parents will be going towards paying for that move.
we arent pathetic losers who cant get jobs or mooch. im working through my post grad degree at uni and my partner is in a 75 k a year job. both of us have lived away from home in the past. infact at 16 i was in a totally different country from my parents and living alone and working.
sure we could trade down from the house we rent now into some shitty studio apartment to save money. but frankly moving into a sun filled 5 bedroom 2 living room house with a pool just sounded better.
yosemitebabe, I remember chatting with you once before about our living arrangements - I’m glad things are still going well for you! And that’s funny that your friend worked for GH - we probably have some mutual friends in common since I worked for a NYC soap and I’m friends with a lot of people in the soap industry. Was she in production?
What’s funny though is that my parents went on a vacation this week and I’m by myself. I’m happily enjoying having the house to myself and it’s reminding me that I’m definitely ready to move into an apartment with my boyfriend - it’s making me work faster to pay off my bills sooner so that I can leave here sooner. I love my parents and we enjoy each other’s company, but it is so nice to come home to just my cats, a quiet house (since the phone isn’t ringing off the hook for the bail bonding business - it’s been transferred to their partner for the week), and relax after work by myself. I’m looking forward to having my own place again.
I believe the title of this thread is meant as a rhetorical question. If Incubus was really interested in hearing what is “wrong” with people who live with their parents, he would have posted in IMHO. Instead, he’s blowing off a little steam, nothing too serious, and he posted a rant in the Pit.
I still think it’s silly for people to come in screaming “it’s none of your business!” and then proceeding to write a long, detailed post about living with their parents.
I guess I feel as if I’m being accusing of being a “busy body” and giving my opinions when they’re not welcome, even though I would never dream of commenting on someone’s living situation on a day to day basis. I’m giving my opinion in a thread on the subject. shrug
And Guin, not everyone knows about everyone else’s private life, getting snappy at someone for responding to a direct flame in such a snappity “jr. mod” way “lay off I.L right now!” is a pretty jerkish thing to do. As if Dogzilla should’ve magically known something was happening. I’ve noticed you’ve been doing this kind of thing a lot lately (jr. modding) and it’s getting kinda annoying. FYI
And that’s funny that your friend worked for GH - we probably have some mutual friends in common since I worked for a NYC soap and I’m friends with a lot of people in the soap industry. Was she in production?