What is so bad about living with your parents?

The BBQ Pit
81

Bah, I wasn’t going to get involved in this thread…oh boy has it made my blood pressure rise.

I’m nearly 31, I live with my parents. bite me :rolleyes:

This whole obsession with 'you’ve got to be independant the moment you turn 18 and if you aren’t your’e scum, is yes, an American thing, I think. In the UK, property prices are astronomical, at least in the south of England where I am. I can’t afford to buy my own place. Owning rather than renting is the rule here. My bf is the same age as me, he lives with his mother, because he can’t sodding afford to live anywhere else!

For another thing, where I live is my home, it’s where I have always lived. Why the hell should I go somewhere else just because time passed and I grew up? It’s nobody’s damn business. I have extenuating circumstances, not that it is anyone’s business but I’ll say anyway-namely my mental health problems that stem from my being bullied at school that I am only just starting to get over even after all these years-I was so traumatised I could barely go out of the house for years! You think I could have coped with life on my own? No I couldn’t have, and you know what? that does not make me an evil lazy immature child in an adult’s body. IT DOES NOT MAKE ANYONE FUCKING BETTER THAN ME.

Dogzilla and lezlers and the rest of the 'I was looking after myself at age 12 and I had to trek to school in bare feet in the fucking snow blah blah so nyyaaaaaah nyaaaaaaah I didn’t have mummmy cooking me dinner nah nah I’m better than you I’m a grownup and you’re a little kid nah nah.

Fuck you.

You have no idea of the circumstances of why someone’s life turned out the way it did, so shut your fucking judgmental ignorant mouths you braindead cunts. And that goes double for that guy who sneered " I don’t have mummy to cook me steak’ or whatever the hell that was. That fucking snarky nasty attitude! Sounds like fucking jealousy to me! All you lot and your ‘I’m a proper grown up I worry about the rent’ blah blah. Oh shut the fuck up already!

Living at home after a certain age does not make you a bad person and anyone who thinks different can go fuck themselves.

I agree with everything even sven said.

Hey most of the people who chunder on with this independence as religion anyone who lives at home as an adult is scum shit believe in enviroinmentalism. Hypocrites! If everyone has to live in thier own place after 18 you have more building, less countryside! Fucking hypocrites!

Why the hell can’t families be togther anyway? isnt’ that what families are for? I don’t get this got to be on your own protestant work ethic slave slave can’t be young and not be on your own slave slave slave work yourself into the grave I’m so superior because I worry about paying the rent and I had to work 28 hours a day in rags and eat bread and water martyr martyr maryttr slave slave slave shit. So we can all be indeeeeeeeeeeependant and sit in our indevidual egg boxes not fucking talking to anyone and that’s okay because were’ proper grown ups who worry about the rent not like those looooooooooooosers who live at home.

Get the fuck over yourselves already, there’s some messiah or other out there who could use the wood from your fucking crosses.

Yeah there’s a lot of misspelling in this. It’s late and I’m tired and this thread makes me incredibly angry. That’s me your’e insulting you smug twats! Go take your precious independence and shove it up your arses!

In short

Bite Me! :rolleyes:

82

Yeah, tell 'em Lass!

I talked with my dad about this. He said, “Why waste the money?” Why should I move out, just for the sake of moving out? Both of my parents were 25 when they got married-and they had lived at home prior to this. AND they were both independent people.

He also pointed out that I’d like to go to grad school as soon as I can manage it. What’s more important to ME, is that I get an education. (That’s why I never got my license-at the time, it was a choice of spend the money for insurance, maybe a car, or go to school-I chose school and I’ve never regretted it).

And if I find a job, I’m going to take it-even if it doesn’t pay enough to let me move out. Really.

You know, you CAN be independent and your own person, AND still live at home, you know.

Yes, some people here say, “Oh, you’re spoiled, blah blah blah.” Yeah, well, I guess I am. So why not take advantage of it? Not in a nasty way-but hey, I get along with my family, they like having me around, so why move out to just to prove something to other people who don’t even know me?

Plus, I’d hate to leave my cats. (Buffy and Gypsy are mine, technically, but I can’t take them with me-they’d be too upset to leave the house and the other cats, and besides, Mom would never allow me-she’s too attached to them! LOL)

83

This I totally agree with. I know a lot of students --even grad students in their mid- to late-twenties – whose parents help them out by offering a place to stay. A small few pay teensy weensy rent (like, one has to buy groceries for the family) – but for students who can’t work full-time and maintain a full course-load… Well they fall under the “pseudo-dependent” catergory. The parents are doing them a favor that is appreciated and it is temporary until graduation and inevitable independence. And in all likelihood, it will be reciprocated when the aged parent needs to move in with the adult child because he/she can no longer manage alone.

My friend’s ex-boyfriend however, falls under the “negative stigma” category. He has an excellent job, bought himself a fancy car, buy’s lots of CDs and expesive stereo-equipment, lives a life of trolling bars – but lives at home where his mom (in her late 50s) cooks his meals, cleans his room, and does his laundry. He contributes nothing financially and doesn’t even buy his own groceries. He simply takes advantage of the situation and takes no responsibility for his own mess even. (His mom picks up the wet towels off the floor because he won’t even hang them up!)

This guy alone can be held responsible for the negative stigma.

A woman meeting the former, the struggling student, will see a guy who has ambition, wants to go places, and is clearly good family material. The latter is an irresponsible ass who takes advantage of others (including his own mom!).

There is also the “Cliff Claven” version of a momma’s boy. But tha tis a rare thing in the real world. I hope.

84

Oh, and also, apparently the number of divorces who are moving back in with their parents is on the rise too. (I can’t recall the stats off the top of my head, but it has someting to do with “divorced by 26.”) This too I find totally acceptable.

Sometime “life happens.” I see nothing wrong with adult children who move back home when the shit hits the fan. Family can be a healthy community in times when you have to get back on your feet or there are other extenuating circumstances (health issues, divorce, bankruptcy). Shit happens and it’s always good to have a support network.

I think the stigma comes from people like my friend’s ass of an ex-boyfirend. A few bad examples sticking in people’s minds.

85

I’m the one who said that I didn’t appreciate a specific person laughing at me for my cheap-ass lunch while he wolfs down left-overs made by Mommy (which he used to do everyday). That’s like laughing at someone’s poverty. My snarky attitude is directed at HIM, not all people who live at home. Don’t take it so personal.

I for one am learning a lot from this thread. I had no idea that so many grown people still live with their parents, and that this isn’t necessarily an abnormal thing in non-US cultures. Perhaps I’ve been hasty calling people’s lives pathetic and if I’ve hurt anyone’s feelings, I’m sorry. If you can’t live on your own, you can’t. You shouldn’t have to be on the defensive for something like this.

But…I will continue to snark at people who laugh at my “poverty”–my hoopty, my vending machine lunches, my raggedy clothes–while they live it up at home. I know people like this and I reserve my right to call them CLUELESS CHILDREN because that’s what they are.

86

There’s nothing wrong with it, per se.

I understand all the reasons people have, and I agree it’s very sensible, but on another level, I just don’t understand it. It’s literally incredible to me, I just can’t relate to not having a burning desire to be totally in charge.

Course, I’m a total control freak. Where some people would go nuts at the idea of having no one around to help, I go nuts at people trying to help me. They’re getting in my life! And that’s not how I would…gah…wrong…just let me do it!

And I’ll be happy to tell you how to live your life too, like, for example, right now.

I also don’t get people who don’t have a car either, if there’s anyway at all they could reduce other expences to swing it financially (short of debt. Debt is the devil.) I would wear thrift store clothes forever to keep my own place and transportation, to me that’s absolutely the definition of independence.

If it helps, that’s probably not why I wouldn’t go out w/ someone, I’m just an antisocial bitch. The people I won’t date who don’t live at home are legion (don’t worry, you don’t want to anyway. Did I mention: antisocial moody bitch?)

I do tend to assume it means you value convenience more than autonomy, and may be avoiding the risk of being self-supporting. Keeping a roof over your head is a huge motivator. Necessity is the mother of kicking yourself in the ass to do what you should be doing anyway. Isn’t that how the saying goes?
yeah.

87

Oh calm the hell down. The OP ASKED why there’s a stigma attached to living at home past a certain age. We answered him. Yeah, it IS none of our business, and you know what? If he hadn’t ASKED THE QUESTION, I wouldn’t have GIVEN HIM THE ANSWER.

Christ, overreact much?

:rolleyes:

88

Buy a caravan.

89

Or rent a flat - or find a job up north. I moved from London to Cumbria for a job, and it cost less per month to rent a whole house up here than a room in a house in London. 18 months after moving up here and living in rented houses (with housemates), my SO and I bought a house. The mortage on our house is just over half the amount it cost my housemate and I to rent a house - so I pay a quarter of the amount I paid in London for having a roof over my head (disclaimer - I lived fairly centrally in London, so it would probably be possible to have lived further out and paid less - I’m not saying that everyone can live for a quarter of the price by moving to Barrow, just that that’s how it worked out for me). Not everywhere in the North is cheap, and property prices have gone up quite a bit round here in the last 2 years. Still fuckloads cheaper than the south east. It’s not for everyone, but moving to where the cost of living is cheaper is at least an option up for consideration.

Interestingly enough, before buying the house together, my SO lived at home with his parents. I admit I did feel that I had more wordly experience, and was used to more responsibility than he was. On the other hand, he’d saved up more money for a deposit on the house.

(I like the “buy a caravan” idea, Kal :D)

90

Can’t we all just agree that conformity is bad and we all should be free to live our lives how (and with whom) we please? And that nobody should be subjected to snarky little jokes on either the Lunch-O-Poverty or the Trekkie Who Lives in His Mom’s Basement angle?

91

<hijack>
Ok, now this attitude I understand in some areas, but it depends where you live. If you live in Boston or New York (maybe Chicago or LA, I don’t know I haven’t been there much), then a car is really impractical unless you have free parking. Even on the street in Boston where there is free parking, it’s impossible to get a parking space. Plus, the insurance is astronomical compared to St Louis (where I am now). The public transportation system will take you pretty much where you want to go. True, a car helps, but still it really isn’t always worth the cost and hassle.

On the other hand, if you’re in a smaller town or city (take St Louis for example), you can’t get anywhere without a car. The metrolink doesn’t go anywhere useful except the airport and the rare stint downtown (which doesn’t have much anyway). If I didn’t have a car here, I wouldn’t be able to work, go food shopping, get to the gym, you name it.

What I’m saying is, a car depends on geography.</hijack>

92

Its bad in my case, because my father is abusive and always has been.
Only we are destitute, have no job, never will, no income, and no friends who would even talk to us , much let us live with them.
:frowning:

93

I only moved away because I go to a school very far from home. If not, I would probably stay living with my parents, as many of my roomates that stayed back there have done.

I know that once I finish my degree, I can go back home and live with my parents until I have enough money to buy a place to live (renting is not very popular at home, either). My first boss lived with his mom for 3 years before he had enough money to buy his own place… he wasn’t a lazy person, just a recently graduated veterinarian that inherited (bought cheaply) his own clinic.

Going back home, helping them out… that’s what family is for, and that’s what they taught me. I know if something goes wrong, I can live with my parents or siblings until I get back on my feet. And I know that once I have my own place, once I’m established with my own career, it will be my duty to care for my parents as they have cared for me.

PD. When I lived with my parents (until I was 18), I regularly cooked, cleaned, washed, and helped around the house. I use those skills now that I live alone, and I would still use them if I have to move back to them.

94

To the OP:
YOU’RE ONLY 22 YEARS OLD!!! Don’t worry about it. As long as you’re a full-time student, you SHOULD be at your parents’ house. My advice to young people is to stay at home as long as possible. Once you move out, it’s very hard to finish your education. I should know, I lived on my own for two years when my parents were having some major financial issues. Then I had issues of my own (airline industry - 2 of the 4 airlines I’ve worked for bankrupted while I worked there), and I moved back in with one of my parents. Now, I’m one year away from my BS in Economics from USC. Granted, I now live in student housing, but I still consider myself to be supported by my parents until I’m earning a decent income again.
Seriously, the living on your own thing: yes it’s important, no it’s not the end of the world. For anyone under 25, it’s perfectly acceptable to be living with your parents, everybody knows how hard it is to get your life started. BUT, at the same time, you must understand that until you move out, nobody (even yourself) knows how you will fare on your own, and no woman wants to spend her life supporting a man (okay, there are some women like that… myself, I want a man I don’t have to support, even if I start earning enough to do so).
There’s a stigma with living at home, so what. There’s also a stigma with living in a nasty slum with a drug-dealer roommate. For my money, take mom and dad’s house until you graduate and get a good job. But then - move out.

To InfectiousLass:

I’m not saying this to sound like an asshat or to make you feel bad, but the very concept of stigma is to sort out the potential mates from the rest of the world. You have mental health problems. A perfectly good reason to live at home; a perfectly good reason not to get involved in a relationship with you. I’m sure you’re a very nice person, but baggage is baggage, and the whole process of finding a mate involved eliminating those who carry too much or the wrong kind of baggage. I fully understand your sitation, having been the victim of massive bullying myself. Guess what, others can tell, and I’m single too. We have to solve our issues ourselves before we consider taking on others’ issues. Just as I don’t want someone with baggage, others don’t want me if I bring baggage to the table. That’s life. It’s not nice, but it’s real. Deal with it.

95

I didn’t START school until I moved out. And when my engagement fell apart last December my mom invited me to move back in for a while. So I did. I’m 27. And you know what? As much as I like my family, I’m itching to get out. I just can’t afford to, I’m not done with school yet, and I don’t have any qualifications for a job that would pay me better than what I already get from disability.

So yeah, I live with my parents. I almost MISS worrying about the bills sometimes. But not quite. I don’t know how long I’ll be here, either, but I’m just taking it a month at a time.

I certainly am not mooching off of unwilling people. I was ASKED if I wanted to move in. I had nothing to keep me where I was, so I said yes.

96

My uncle, who is in his 50’s, lives with my grandmother in a dark, dank room behind the garage. The man has no work ethic that I know of - he played in a band until they fired him for going out of town multiple times and not showing up for gigs. He fried his brain back in the 70’s. We call him a walking example of why you should not do drugs. On the other hand, he does assist my grandmother with many tasks around the house since she had open-heart surgery. But he has no desire to move out on his own. He says he “works for the family” now. It looks sad to most of us in the family.

As for the OP, no, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with living with your parents at the age of 22. Just move out before you turn 30 and stay away from drugs. :wink:

97

Fuck you, Morrigoon.

98

I was thinking this the entire time I was reading the thread (along with a few things Infectious Lass said). Actually, it’s normal for the eldest son to stay at home even after he gets married, and for he and his wife to take over the household and care for the parents in their old age, and so on with their own children. Of course, this used to be the tradition in America too, and the situation in much of Asia is beginning to change in similar ways.

99

Incubus, at least you’re a long way from being a Howard Sprague.

100

Hi

I don’t feel very up to posting very much right now, but it has been on my concience that I said some bad things in my reply in this thread. I’m sorry I said those things about you Lezlers and Dogzilla. I disagree with you on this issue but I should not have been abusive of you like that. I hope you can forgive me.

Things are obviously hard at the moment with me but that is no excuse. My boyfriend says I should leave anything like this for the time being and not worry but I had to do this

Jackie