What about people who live with their parent or parents because three incomes can support a nicer home and better life than one income?
Pooled resources, shared work, improves the quality of life for everyone involved, right?
Instead of one person living alone and cooking, cleaning, paying every cent, doing all the laundry, two or three people share the load to make it easier on everyone involved?
That’s part of the reason I agreed to move in. My parents are exhausted from the second business - it’s a 24 hour venture, and my doing the bookkeeping takes some of the pressure off of them. I’ve even offered to run bonds for my dad, but unfortunately, there’s not enough collateral in the business to get me bonded. I would be perfectly happy to run bonds for them - especially since my poor dad sometimes goes out to run them at midnight during the week. I can go on less sleep than he or my mom can, so I’m a more logical choice. Since that’s not an option, I try to take over as much paperwork as possible.
Ava
What you’re describing is a roomate situation. You can do that with friends and still retain your independence. I dare say that most people still living at home aren’t paying rent, someone who would pay rent to live with their parents would be just as likely to pay rent to live on their own with roomates and not have to deal with the stigma attached to still living at home when the majority of their peers are out on their own.
Of course there are exceptions, as there are with everything.
Ava,
You’ve got good reasons for living at home. We get it. Really.
Yeah, but I can trust my family not to fuck me over, steal my things, destroy my home, bring people over every night until 3 in the morning…
I’ve had roommates, and the best roommates I’ve ever had are the ones I’m related to.
Oh, I know:). I’m not defending myself. I just talk too much…:D. And since this is a subject I’m well-versed in, I’m talking way too much. I’ll stop now…really:D.
Ava:smack:
This is a good point – mom had always said she’d move into a nursing home before moving in with my brother or me… but when the vision thing came along, I think she had a change of heart. She’ll be 77 this year, but apart from some physical difficulty relating to the hip problems, she’s in good physical shape. I don;t think a nursing or assisted living facility is a great idea. She could afford it, but she’d be moving in with a bunch of strangers. Here, she’s with family.
When/if she develops medical problems that we can’t reasonably care for at home, we’ll consider the assisted living solution.
When my time comes, I don’t think I’d mind moving in with my adult children, assuming I wasn’t completely cramping their style…
I am almost 30 and I still live with my parents, and dont intend to move out unless I got married. Although I have lived on my own in my twenties for 4 years and have lived alone in another country, and yes the bay area which is where I lived alone in is expensive so I understand why the original poster didnt move out. But I dont see why its viewed as abnormal, most of my friends live at home, I would like to spend as much time with my parents and family as possible because there will be a time when I wont be at home as often.
If you don’t mind me asking, cherry, are you of Asian decent? I ask because a good majority of my girlfriends that are of Asian decent live at home (or are expected to) until they’re married. For them, it’s a cultural thing.
Whole different ballpark.
I’m of Asian descent and my parents have made it clear that they’d much prefer me to live at home until I’m financially independent. I’d like to move in with my boyfriend once we both finish our degrees (we both plan on doing Honours next year) and get jobs. However, most of my friends aren’t Asian and their parents aren’t pushing them out of the nest either. Until this thread I had no idea that moving out at 18 was the norm!
I’m beginning to think from the various threads on this subject that it’s an American thing
Kayeby, most of my friends with older/adult children have them at home way past 18 or even 21. My sister and I were talking about her 15 yo daughter and it’s pretty clear she’ll be at home until she’s working and established. Whether she wants to be or not
I don’t have a gameplan for my kids. It’s never occurred to me to think about it. I’d share a house with my parents without even thinking twice about it. We were talking earlier this year about converting their house and building a flat in the garden but we wouldn’t have gotten planning permission so it came to nothing.
Rule around this clan is, “once you’re married, you move out.”
Though me and the missus stayed with my folks for three years after we were married, so I did fulfill my obligations there as well. 
I’ve thought about that and am taking each situation on an individual basis. In my family, I’m basing my decisions on how my parents treated me while growing up. Excuse me, please, I think this is going to grow into a long post!
My parents divorced when I was 7. My mother never remarried. While she was unable to foot my bills for college, she helped out whenever she could. Due to the way Financial Aid is calculated in the US, it was to my advantage to move in with her after I started college – she made less income, so I got more financial aid. She helped me out whenever and however she could and still does, although I no longer need financial support. She’s great with the emotional support and I’ve always been able to run problems by her and get reasonable, logical, helpful advice.
We’ve already joked that if she got sick and had to live with one of the kids, it would be me, but we know we’d drive each other nuts inside of a week. So I am planning my personal finances and investments accordingly. If I have to put her in a rental down the street, build a suite on the back of my house, hire an in-home nurse to care for her while I am at work – I will do whatever it takes to make sure she’s taken care of by me and not strangers. Because that’s what she did for me while growing up. And because we’ve both worked in nursing homes and know exactly what that’s like. I refuse to put my mother in one, even if it means I have to work three jobs, go into debt up to my eyeballs and declare bankruptcy. She’s welcome to migrate to Florida whenever she wants, for whatever reason… and she knows that.
Now my dad and stepmonster are a different story. They came from the “You’re-out-the-minute-you-turn-18” school of thought. They were barely supportive and helpful while I was still in high school. If I had a dentist appointment, I used my babysitting money to pay the co-pay, until dad dropped me from his insurance. If I needed new glasses or contacts, I saved up until I could buy them myself. I paid for my own gas, insurance and car repairs when I was old enough to drive. I was not given an allowance. At 12, I was told, “If you need money for something, go mow lawns or babysit or do something and figure out a way to make your own money.” Ice cream with friends, football games, clothes, school supplies – from 12-18, I paid for everything I wanted/needed. They paid the mortgage, bought the groceries and kept the heat on. While that taught me valuable lessons about money, it also taught me that my dad and stepmonster could (and still cannot) be relied upon to help me out in a crisis. Even if it was a moral or emotional crisis, their advice always sounded like they’d met me last week and didn’t know me at all. Their listening skills need some work. I haven’t gone to them for advice or a problem since I was about 16, because I knew they’d be useless.
Furthermore, in reference to the IMHO thread about turning kids out of the house at 18 – they also believed in the “my house-my rules” philosophy. While that was all well and good – and I respected their rules and was an honor student, didn’t smoke or drink, etc… they do not respect my rules when they come to visit me. I have house rules too. They mock them when they come to visit and act like I’m still 16 and do not deserve the respect of a 30 (mumble) year old adult.
So, my attitude is “back atcha.” Whatever they dished out to me growing up and as an adult, they are going to get right back when they are old and in need. If one of 'em gets sick, either one of my siblings can take care of them or they can rot in a nursing home as far as I’m concerned. They told me not to come running to them for help or money (to promote my independence) so guess what? I hope they’ve got a Long Term Care policy for themselves… Because I will help them to the exact same extent they supported me, which was next zero.
A $500 car note is a necessity?
Maybe the girls giving your problems see you in your sexy new 3000GT and are disappointed that you then want to bring them home to Mom’s?
Considering your entire “why am I stigmatized?” OP was about fiscal responsibility, and how said responsibility was supposed to make you above criticism…
Since this is the Pit, I’ll put it right out there.
You’re spending too much fucking money on the car. From what you’re saying, you make $800 a month, and your car costs you (without gas, mind you!) $680. That means you spend 85% of YOUR ENTIRE INCOME on your fucking car! That doesn’t include gas or pine-scented air fresheners.
And really, to me, after having read this thread, it’s become pretty clear: You’re not living with Mom and Dad because you’re the fiscally responsible guy who is more concerned with finishing school than with having a place of his own. You’re a guy who would rather work two jobs, live with Mom and Dad, and have a cool car.
And you’re looking for sympathy? Do what most cash-strapped college students do and get yourself a 15 year-old car for $1200. The insurance will be nothing, and you’ll have it paid off in two months. Then you can quit the jobs and focus on school, since that’s “what’s really important”.
-Joe
I am 25 years old and I still live at home. I would LOVE to live on my own.
However, at this time, it is just not fucking feasible. I have to find a job-and not just any job, but one that I can support myself with, pay off my student loans and that will NOT aggravate my anxiety disorder, as the last one did. (For those who say I’m making excuses-FUCK OFF, I did NOT ask to be born with OCD, and it fucking sucks).
Right now, I have student loan payments and a deferment that is almost expired.
I have enough trouble somedays trying to FIND a job, let alone an apartment.
If people think I’m pathetic, so be it. I’m not on this Earth to please them.
You didn’t read all of my posts. I’m paying that much a month in order to pay it back as soon as possible. The car is not a 3000GT. The car was not purchased to impress girls. You are overexaggering the situation.
Maybe.
That still doesn’t change the fact that you’re paying for a car that’s obviously more than you can afford. At least such that you can’t afford the sort of lifestyle you want.
Either way, if you had a car within your means, you wouldn’t be spending 85% of your money on your car.
Whether or not you’re paying extra to pay it off is irrelevent. Look at your sequence here.
So…you’re stigmatized, but it’s something to be proud of because you’re being responsible, but you’re actually being responsible so you can spend an obscene amount of money on a car.
Just seems backwards to me.
-Joe
I don’t see why people would look down on a full-time college student living with his/her parents. Don’t most students attending a college within commuting distance of their parents’ home live with their parents? The only people I’ve really known to be stigmatized for living with their parents are those who do it way past college (like a 41 year old I know who’s never moved out) or those who don’t just live with their parents, but get married and have kids while still living with their parents
Is there some difference between you and your friends? Are they either not full-time students , or are they attending college too far from their parents’ home to commute?
I actually think its more the other way around- I think the stigma comes about because people wouldn’t pay their parents nearly as much as it costs to live on their own, and they wouldn’t do it because of the difficulty of getting parents to relate to you as an adult (and vice-versa) while you’re living with them. And it therefore seems that those who do stay at home are willing to accept being teated as a child to a certain extent in exchange for saving money, resulting in the stigma
If you had my parents… everything.