If it’s brown, flush it down. If it’s yellow let it mellow.
My father always told me: “Deciding not to make a decision is, in and of itself, a decision”.
I also try to live by the “Go to bed by 10:30” rule.
One more I try to apply to my daily life: “If you think you don’t have enough space, chances are good you just have too much stuff”.
This may take a bit of explaining. I have a geology degree, and got interested in computers a while back. I took maybe four computer courses, and was really worried about getting a job, given that there are a lot of CS-degreed people out there. Anyway, one of my professors told me, “You don’t need to have a degree in every skill you have.” He was right: I’ve been a software developer for eight years now.
Also:
Treat everyone with compassion (as in, we’re all in the same boat).
Never cram for an exam up till the last minute. Give your brain a rest.
Mind your own business.
So classical, so elegant, so simple.
Imagine what the world would be like if we all minded our own business.
I read this somewhere: “No boy is worth your tears and the one who is won’t make you cry.” Seems silly but really, if he is a jerk to you, he isn’t the One.
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Never moon a werewolf
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Cheese Wiz isn’t something you eat, it’s something you see a urologist for.
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The lion might be king of the jungle, but if you air-drop hiss ass into Antartica, he’s just a penguin’s bitch.
Seriously? Best advice I ever got was: always listen to your parents. They’re the only ones you can really trust.
I’ve found this to be true many, many times over in the course of my life.
“Never draw to an inside straight” – I couldn’t figure this one out, so I avoided playing poker for money. Haven’t lost any money yet…
“Don’t shit where you eat.”
The best pizza topping is cheese. The 2nd best pizza topping is sausage and mushrooms.
“Ladies and gentlemen take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice.”
“He who is not busy being born is busy dying…”
“Take care of yourself.”
My sig: “Those who deserve love the least are the very ones who need it the most.”
Maturity is learning to take advice. Experience is learning whose advice to take.
“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans”; John Lennon via Mr. Holland’s Opus.
If you become a regular at a bar, make friends with the staff. Tip well, strike up conversations with the server/bartender, and it’ll make for much more enjoyable evenings.
Some favorites from the Notebooks of Lazarus Long:
If it can’t be expressed in figures, it is not science; it is opinion.
If you don’t like yourself, you can’t like other people.
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
The greatest productive force is human selfishness.
Never try to outstubborn a cat.
From my dad - Always show up to work/school on time, every day, and do everything your boss/teacher asks you to. You’ll be amazed what kind of reputation it will get you. It’s so true, too.
From a friend - Never spend more than $20 on drugs at one time.
Don’t wait until the day before the essay is due to write your first draft. I’ve yet to follow this one, of course. In fact, at this very moment I’m halfway through a paper that’s due tomorrow.
I had a few others I was going to share before, but Opera wasn’t cooperating and I couldn’t post them, and now I’ve forgotten. Oh well.
I don’t like that piece of advice one bit. I love my dad, but he’s a compulasive liar, cheats, and doesn’t care for his family as much as he should. And I’m not going to be like him when I grow older by God.
Which brings to my bit of advice:
A wise man learns from his mistakes.
A wiser man learns from the mistakes of others.
This was from the movie “Ghost Dog”. I think it’s great advice.
**There is something to be learned from a rainstorm. When meeting with a sudden shower, you try not to get wet and run quickly along the road. But doing such things as passing under the eaves of houses, you still get wet. When you are resolved from the beginning, you will not be perplexed, though you still get the same soaking. This understanding extends to everything. **
In reference to having to eat crow or owning up to a mistake:
“If you have to eat a turd, it’s best not to nibble at it.” Sound advice.
But it’s usually easier to get permission than forgiveness. Not always, but usually.
In relationships: never tell a man he is a bastard. They love it. Call him a wally instead.
On self image: makeup is for young women who want to look older or for old women who want to look younger.
On parenting: the secret of being a good mother is knowing when to stop.
In job interviews: don’t go on about what the company can do for you, but what you can do for the company.
The friend who told me this attributed it to the Dali Lama, don’t know if that’s accurate or not.
I am a compulsive worrier, worry about things before they happen, and then worry about things after they happen, or worry about what might have happened, etc. My friend tells me one day:
If there is no reason to worry, don’t worry.
If there is a reason to worry, why worry?
Helps a great deal with the ol’ panic attacks.
When I was in high school, I auditioned for a play. After reading for the director, I sat down in the audience near an observing teacher, an English teacher whose actual surname was Shakespeare (auditions were open - everyone took a turn reading in front of everyone else). After a while, I noticed that some auditioners were reading a second time. I asked Mr. Shakespeare if he thought I should read again, and he told me, “That’s up to you. But actors act. You want to be an actor? Act. Every chance you get.” So I read again. I was cast in the show, and the director later told me that I would not have gotten the part if I hadn’t given that second reading.
Well, doing that play changed my life in all sorts of ways - because I did it, I got more involved in theater in general, where I met all of the friends that I still have, not to mention my wife. I also learned a most important professional lesson: if you have a skill, use it. Use it every chance you get, for free, for pay, for your own amusement. I’ve always stuck to that.
“Always make sure your dirty underwear makes it into the hamper–you never know who might be coming home with you.” My friend’s mom doesn’t say brilliant things often, but when she does, they’re especially good.
And, of course, “Never eat more than you can lift.” --Miss Piggy