You’re totally right, of course. I just find it strange that we never notice her parents around. I’ve actually never seen them get out of their car- I only ever see them dropping her off. I suppose it’s just odd to me because my roommate’s parents live in totally different parts of the state, yet they are always around in our house visiting her and such.
Like I said though, it’s all WAGs on my part. I’m probably totally wrong or maybe not seeing everything. Those are things I fully admit.
Wow, this is basically my current nightmare. My husbands sister is in her own apartment for the first time in her life. She is learning disabled/retarded/whatever. Extremely sheltered. With virtually no preplanning other than buying her bath rugs and dishes, she is living alone in an apartment complex about 20 minutes from her mother.
I have no doubt that the situation you are going through right now will one day happen to my sister in law. And the part about the parents ditching the kid? Yeah, I know all about that. If throwing money at it doesn’t fix it, it ain’t worth fixing.
If her parents are anything like my in-laws. You couldn’t open their eyes. Got that? Nothing will let them see the reality. But they will sure cry when she’s dead.
Keep calling the cops. You may be the only person that gives a shit.
If the K-Fed dude is living there and isn’t named on their lease, isn’t that a violation of the complex’s rules? Could you snitch on him to the management co. ?
I know something about this. What to do?
Document everything. Keep notes. *
Keep a low profile. You SHOULD be scared of this guy. **
Get professional help. There are people who know the law, the system, and the individuals in the system; they are called ‘lawyers’. All they have that you do not have is: connections. ***
Nag. Call the police for every incident, and tell them how often you have called in the past; document the call. Ditto the property managers. Ditto your landlord. Ditto the parents if you get their contact information. Ditto the Department of Public Health [it’s worth a shot].
And don’t be to hard on your neighbors; they may have tried to intervene in similar situations in the past and got the same initial response you did.
** Your rationale below is accurate, but misses an important point: at 5’ 3", 21 y.o., and female, you probably appear to this man as both weak, and so threatening you must be destroyed. Rent a post-office box and replace the current name tags on your mail box with falsely aged name tags, ideally with names that looks similar; Ian Moath, instead of Jan North. Never go downstairs again.
*** Go to your LOCAL police station, and ask for the phone number of a FVDM [‘battered women’s shelter’]; tell them you need advice on how to deal with repeated DM in your complex [and, yeah, document this]. Call the shelter, explain the situation, and get the name of a lawyer. Call the lawyer, and ask how to word your complaints to 911 to ensure action. With any luck, you can get the guy busted for excessive noise after 10 pm and they will find out he’s violated parole on a federal charge. [Note: acknowlegement to ‘The Wizard of Oz’]
All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good people to do nothing.
This reminds me of a child-abuse situation that took place in the next apartment over when I was in high school. Just want you described - screaming, crying, bodies hitting the walls (hard enough to shake our side of the walls).
Just like in your case - it seemed no one was doing anything.
I was told by several people not to bother calling the authorities, nothing could be done, I was a minor myself, no one would listen to me, etc., etc.
I called anyway. Repeatedly.
Apparently, a few others were doing so as well - that lady peering through the blinds? She may have been afraid to come out, fearing K-Fed herself, but you have no way to know if any of your neighbors is calling or not behind those closed doors.
Anyhow - in the case I was living next door to, after multiple complaints, the woman lost custody of one child just before skipping town with two others. Well, we couldn’t save them all but at least we got one out of that situation.
The point being - keep calling.
Get a tape recorder. Use it. If the cops won’t do anything call the local news stations and tell them you have a juicy tip. Normally I don’t suggest throwing people to the media but in this case it might be necessary.
That’s one awful story.
I’m reasonably confident that this is not possible in California unless you are a licensed investigator. I find it incomprehensible that any state would allow this for precisely the reason you mentioned. Or even more often, people getting road rage, tracing the license plate and then showing up at the door of said person and shooting them.
As someone else who has been a “nosy neighbour” at times, you should be proud of yourself to care enough.
Kfed doesn’t really sound like someone to be scared of - I agree with your rationale that, if he’s picking on handicapped girls, he’s pretty much the loser he’s made himself out to be.
I’m on the side of calling the police. Every single time and documenting it as well.
You may be accused of a lot of things in this incident. But, the bottom line is, you’ve done what you feel is right and for that, you can look at yourself in the mirror every day.
The California DMV doesn’t release addresses to anyone anymore, as a result of the Rebecca Schaeffer incident.
Probably the only way to talk to the parents is to do so when the OP or her roommate sees them around.
Hm. This makes me wonder if this girl told her mom, and mom got her out of Dodge. Makes things safer for her, but not for the other girl.
Diosa, your story almost made me cry. Good on you for doing something.
If nothing else, your reactions are telling the girls that this is not normal. That the two young ladies upstairs don’t feel this is right and normal AT ALL. In time, if they come to trust you, it may be they remember your attitudes towards this and think “Hmm…maybe this is wrong, maybe there’s help.”
I have no other advice better than what people have given. Keep us posted.
I like j666’s advice but I’m torn on the issue of making complaints to the landlord.
My aunt is mentally retarded but is able to function well enough to live on her own and manage her very basic finances (writing checks, budgeting her limited income - no investments or anything) but doesn’t drive. She gets assistance from several agencies.
She was so extremely happy when she “graduated” from group housing to being able to live in her own apartment. She lived in a pretty nice complex for years until she got this one boyfriend. He started to abuse her physically and emotionally. She was trying to get rid of him but he kept coming back and pounding on her door and yelling at her. The neighbors called the cops multiple times and complained to the landlord about the noise - maybe they were trying to help my aunt but, in that community I doubt it. The cops didn’t do much but the landlord kicked her out. She was then forced to move into a shitty area and became reclusive and afraid of telling anyone where she lived (except really close family) for fear that the same thing would happen to her again.
Good for you and your roommate that you’re both trying to help.