What is the best way to go from zero to drunk in twenty dollars?

Any suggestions? I am looking for deepness and sustainability. The problem is that I hate alcohol. The stuff makes me want to wretch. I can barely choke it down, and not without holding my nose, wincing, and feeling a little nausea. I can sorta handle mixed drinks. I find that sweet and sour mix is the greatest cover ever made, so Long Island Iced Teas are drinkable. SO what do you guys think. Also, this will not be at a bar, but at my house, alone, in the dark.

Aqua Velva aftershave seemed to be the high-inducing liquid of choice in our city slum.

Cheap Vodka, just drink it fast, or mix with soda.

Schnapps…

There’s always that antifreeze stuff. If animals can get drunk off it so can you, right? For twenty bucks you could get a couple of gallons and I’ve even heard that it’s sweet.

Any mixed drink with lots of sugar (i.e. soda or sweet fruit juices).

A pint or two of 190 proof Everclear mixed with the fruit juice of your choice WILL FUCK YOU UP…

A Japanese bar I went to served saké for next to no money. Cups of steaming hot saké, so hot you don’t even taste it. It’s nothing but heat, it seems.

Twenty dollars would get you roaring drunk on that.

Cheap malt liquor. St. Ides or Olde English 800.

What, no mention of Mad Dog 20/20 yet? You folks have got to get out more!

If you are going to have a good home alone pity drunk, nothing beats MD 20/20. Watermelon is a bit weird, but the tropical fruit one isn’t so bad. But for old time’s sake, trust the Grape flavoured.

1 large bottle for under $8 will do the trick. 2 and you start risking alcohol poisoning (seriously).

MD 20/20, the only time I’ve been hung-over by 2 in the afternoon (Boulder Kinetics race in Colorado, started drinking at 8 am, passed out by 11, woke up HUNG-OVER a few hours later on the edge of Boulder Resevoir…).

-Tcat

Try whiskey in coffee. The coffee hides the whiskey taste pretty well. Don’t bother with any Irish coffeeish trimmings - a bottle of whiskey, a jar of instant and a kettle is all you need (apart from milk and sugar if that’s your thing). You can start small and increase the whiskey content as you become ‘de-sensitised’. However, if it’s a melancholy drunkenness you’re after, the coffee buzz mightn’t be for you.

Moonshine enema.

Aftershock…never fails! And it should also help any sinus congestion problems you may be experiencing too.

Muad’dib, while I applaud your quest for knowledge here, I question your objective. Why do you want to do this? Maybe talking with a friend would be a better goal.

Drinking with the express purpose of getting drunk is usually a warning sign, even if it only warns that you are a college freshman. If you don’t even like the taste of alcohol, why do this?

Please reconsider.

2/3 bottles of cheap wine. Drink them each in one large gulp.

Tried it with two bottles in my youth and got rather drunk in about 5min’s.

Yeah, what he said. Believe me, I am not a prude when it comes to alcohol, but trying to get completely hammered, alone in the dark, when you can’t stand the taste sets off all sorts of warning bells.

For twenty bucks, just buy a cheap case of beer, then beer bong it.

I traded shots of that stuff with a couple of friends. It’s horribly rough on the stomach, especially when it’s warm. (Barfy smile?)

I’d say aristocrate vodka and sprite/seven-up. You can mix it fairly heavy on the alcohol and not taste it.

That or a bottle of wine. It takes two bottles to get me quite drunk, but one should get you a pretty good buzz.

I traded shots of that stuff with a couple of friends. It’s horribly rough on the stomach, especially when it’s warm. (Barfy smile?)

I’d say aristocrate vodka and sprite/seven-up. You can mix it fairly heavy on the alcohol and not taste it.

That or a bottle of wine. It takes two bottles to get me quite drunk, but one should get you a pretty good buzz.

May be pushing the $20 limit, but a bottle of decent vodka, and a bottle of Kahlua (although you can buy any generic “cacoa liqour” for about 1/2 the price, with no discernable taste difference, and a half gallon of whole milk.

The White Russian:

2 parts vodka
1 part Kahlua (or Kahlua knockoff, which is my usual plan)
1 part milk.

Yum.