This isn’t in the horrendous column it’s stacked somewhere between dissolving resentments and the easily overcomeable stack. But a resentment that has lasted years between two people is like water over stone, eventually it erodes and then it cracks. Erosian can be repaired though.
I’m answering this question for the present moment. My previous response was ‘‘get really overwhelmed’’ — not very conducive to problem solving! 
When life deals me a big blow, I breathe, I run, and I accept.
Breathe to remind myself that this is just one moment in time, vexing though it may seem it is going to pass and there will be a time, someday, when the pain of the moment is a distant memory.
Run to remind myself that I am still alive, and that while one part of my life may be out of control, all parts are not. I will exercise control over the things I can and take responsibility for what I can influence.
Accept to remind myself that there is absolutely nothing I can do to change my present circumstances, that it’s out of my hands, and therefore not really worth worrying about. Easier said than done, I know. But it’s a cool trick once you master it.
Also, don’t be afraid to hurt. It doesn’t mean you have to fall apart and stop functioning, I mean just be open to pain. The more willing you are to say, ‘‘Wow, this sucks, but it’s going to suck whether I reject it or not so I might as well let it in,’’ the less overwhelming the feeling will be, and the more authentically you can face whatever you’re facing. I have learned not to be afraid of sadness and anger. I guess that fits in with acceptance, but there you go.
I always find that going to mass is a great comforter.
I tend to get numbly professional at times like that. Things need to be done, and it’s better if someone with no feelings at the moment takes care of them. Less traumatic, and it gives the more emotional a chance to get away and start to deal in their own way. Only later will the tears come for me, after the things that must be done are done or well on their way. My favorite uncle died last Monday, and I didn’t let it go until all the airline reservations were made, hotel arraged for, and all that. In fact, I held it together until the sailor presented my aunt with the flag. Then I lost it.
In summation: Deal, Drink, then let the emotions fly later.
My husband is that guy. His family immediate family has suffered 7 deaths in 8 or 9 years (roughly). He is the one who jumps to action; organizing, ordering, calling family meetings, coordinating, etc. It’s how he deals with grief and how he creates strength for those around him.
It depends on the blow.
When life gets a little stressful, I eat chocolate and watch movies or TV shows to zone out. Then after I’m done I find some quiet time to think about how to deal with my problems. This quiet time is usually in a room with my cat. I don’t know why, but he helps me think more clearly.
When I get depressed, I look for my usual short term fixes, but they never work. I eat a lot of sugar, but that only helps during the meal. Right after, I don’t feel any better. I won’t feel like doing anything that usually make me feel better, so I try to sit around and do nothing, but that leaves me alone with my thoughts, which isn’t a very comfortable position. Eventually I get so uncomfortable that I’ll leave the house and do something, anything. That usually works. If it doesn’t I get drunk.
Another vote for drinking, but that’s just what works for me.
Shopping’s good too!
I obsess over it endlessly, until eventually something else takes its place.
Meanwhile, classical music helps.
Internalize, mostly. Brood. To the extent that I do anything palliative, I guess the Beatles albums come out. I’ve listened to them all so much in the past that they’re not even in my regular rotation anymore, but they’re still like old friends. Very comforting.
The one I’ve recently endured, I went home, lay on the floor, stared at the wall, wept, and drank too much for about two weeks. Then I obsessed over it, stopped eating and sleeping, and lost 16 lbs! Great stuff re. the weightloss - trying to keep it off!
I was made redundant from my job about a month ago (damn you, credit crunch!). There was no warning and only two days’ notice because even though I’d been working for the same company for two years, I was classed as freelance, so no contract. I was planning to go travelling in a few months, so obviously had to change my plans. It was a bit of a shock.
I ended up doing what I always do when life kicks me in the teeth a bit - spend a couple of weeks doing nothing constuctive, going out most nights and surfing the net/reading during the day. Just pamper myself and do what I want until I feel better, then start thinking about what to do next. I’m starting freelancing again - very slow but it’s a start - and have held off on the travel plans until next summer. As long as I have some sort of vague plan I’m OK.
I find that there’s no point trying to get everything sorted right away, imho, you need a bit of time to absorb the shock and then one day you wake up and just feel like getting stuck in again. Pampering and self-indulgence, that’s the way to go! I also try to take a bit more care about eating properly and getting enough exercise, so I don’t get depressed.
Yesterday was the first anniversary of my Dads death. I had a spectacular bust up with my brother and then I drank too much. Before, after and during I cried lots.
That’s brilliant.
For me, probably pray- and sometimes that means having a screaming raging fit at God till it’s all out of my system.
Gin and Star Wars. Works every time.
I do that anyway, and I haven’t suffered any losses.
Prayer and worship are good, but for me they have to be traditional. I need to return to base.
Then I make a list of what I need to do, and start checking them off one at a time. Some are recurring tasks, like “Comfort my wife” or such. Part of a large loss is that it is so overwhelming. Making a list limits it. If it isn’t on the list, I don’t have to worry about it.
Regards,
Shodan
When I got laid off last month (heh, 1 month ago today, yay!), I cried most of the way home. When I got there, I pulled out the laptop and emailed some of my friends (my husband knew already - his was the last email I sent from work), opened a Hard Mike’s Cranberry Lemonade (it was 9:14 AM), and cried some more. Then I started the job search again.
It was nothing personal; my company had just been sold and it was just restructuring by the new owners, I was just unlucky enough to have just been hired 4 weeks prior and, as the new kid, was out. But that doesn’t really help - I tended to take it personally because it was my job and I felt like I wasn’t good enough or that I did something wrong, even though logically I knew that of course, it wasn’t.
Then I started stuff to get my life back together - contacted someone I’d worked for on the side to see if they had anything they needed done, contacted a consulting firm, started the job search, and on and on. I’m doing OK - my former client came through, so I’m on a short contract for them, and I have an interview Monday for a 1 year contract with the possibility of renewal, so things are good, but I’m still not 100% yet.
Communicate your feelings to your wife, and encourage her to do the same with you. Ideally you can be sources of strength for each other.
The same thing I do every night, try to take over the world.
And when that fails, Cpt. Morgan and I try to see who can hold their liquor better. He wins a lot at first but now I can hold my own.
I’ll usually watch a kung fu movie.
Bare-bones simple good vs evil morality plays, where any problem in the world is solved with the fastest fist or flashiest sword. Fantasy escapism works wonders for me.
Drink, go to mass, watch some favorite movies. After a day or two, I’ll try to open up to my GF/friends/parents, in that order probably.