I think it was actually about a different drink from that one, but the cautionary text at the bottom was mildly amusing:
Cold Weather Alert: Due to the cold temperatures of the winter months, customers have been experiencing exploding Bawls. We at Xoxide are very concerned for the safety of our customers and do not wish for their Bawls to freeze. :eek:
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Regards,
Shodan
Other (surprisingly) good movies, IMHO, by these two bad boys:
“Under Siege” - Seagal, as a Navy cook, foils a terrorist attempt to take over the battleship Missouri and steal nukes.
“Timecop” - Van Damme, as a… uh, timecop, foils an ambitious U.S. senator’s attempt to pillage the past and be elected President. Oh, yeah, and save his own wife from being murdered.
Try 'em. You just might like 'em.
I heard Van Damme’s “Replicant” is actually a pretty decent sci-fi action flick. There’s another movie that he did recently that is loosely based on a true story about a guy in a Russian prison, I kind of liked parts of it.
Another Seagall story to relate:
Late great professional wrestler Curt “Mr. Pefect” Hennig told a story about meeting Segall in an airport. They were at the same gate and Hennig approached him and told him that he was a big fan (which he was). As they were shaking hands, Seagall asked him what he did for a living. Hennig said “Oh I’m a professional wrestler.” Seagall smirked and then squeezed Hennig’s hand…hard… Hennig was kind of confused…so he squeezed back. Neither one would let go…and Hennig obviously was much stronger. Hennig says he finally let go after Seagall’s knees started to buckel.
Who is funnier, Steven Seagal or Jean Claude Van Dame? …and by funnier I mean not on purpose.
Anyone know what Seagal’s biggest films where commericaly?
I can’t be arsed to look this up, but I’m sure it was Under Siege.
Seagal only made one good movie - Under Siege. And he made one halfway decent movie - Above the Law. After that, it’s all crap. He had a decent role in Executive Decision, but it was only decent because the director had the good sense to kill off his character before Seagal could embarass himself alongside the likes of Kurt Russell. A little Seagal goes a long way. In that case, about 35,000 ft…
Other than that, I think there was a time when he was a decent martial artist, before he got fat, bloated, and lazy. But the man lies so much, who knows? But he did have an Aikido Dojo in Japan, and that generally ain’t nothing.
Jeff Speakman is a real martial artist. Van Damme is a movie martial artist. His supposed resume as a European Karate chamption is fake. Of the three, Speakman wins hands down. Speakman has 6th degree black belts in Goju-Ryu (my style - not easy to rise that far), American Kenpo (a tough style - very physical with full-contact training), and is in the martial arts hall of fame for actual achievement in the martial arts as an instructor (as opposed for being in the hall of fame for being an actor).
wifebeater hack
That’s my word association for SS and the thread popup JC VD.
Pretty much the same as it always has been: good martial artist, horrible actor.
I was telling my girlfriend that they should do shot-by-shot remakes of Seagal’s films with Will Sasso playing him. The more I think about it, the better it sounds.
Hey, it works just adding one line to the “memorable quotes” section of his movies on IMdb:
Felicia Storm: If people knew how sweet you are, they’d never be scared of you… I’m not scared of you.
Mason Storm: Maybe you should be.
—> ::breaks her neck::
Jordan Tate: You’re not a cook.
Casey Ryback: Yeah, well… I also cook.
—> ::breaks her neck::
Technically speaking, Van Damme is a dancer. How else can you explain those splits?
He said those EXACT SAME lines in The Glimmer Man.
What a freaking hack.
Steven Seagal looks like a sofa with a haemorrhoid cushion perched on top.
Now, he makes Baby Buddha cry. And it doesn’t help that he’s starting to resemble those statues that portray a Buddha who has been sitting so long that his legs are starting to atrophy. It’s a shame. Back in the day, he was a pretty decent martial artist and wooden actor. His movement was good; I can still watch one of his movies and exclaim, “Ooh, nice one,” every once in a while. And of course, he could scowl like nobody’s business.
The last thing I saw him in was The Glimmer Man. Good gods, was that bad. I remember one scene where the editor had obviously spliced together two different throws and had done it so badly that you could see the actor “jump” from one spot to another in midair. The Japanese cover for Exit Wounds (called Dengeki here) is so cheesy I haven’t been able to justify a rental even to myself, much less to my girlfriend.
His main problem seems to be that he can’t keep his mouth shut. He constantly lies – and lies poorly – about how much of a badass he is. Borderline pathological, in my inexpert opinion. I’ve seen bits of a video that was taken of him while he was teaching an aikidô class in Japan. Unlike movie footage, this wasn’t manipulated and staged to make him look good. He is pretty darn good at aikidô, but straight aikidô isn’t going to make you into a martial arts monster, and he obviously doesn’t do any conditioning or have any training in any harder styles.
About Van Damme, you’re missing one of his best movies, the original Universal Soldier. Sure, it’s not a martial arts movie, but it did feature some of the highest production values of his career.
Foe me Van Damme’s best movie was Timecop.
The Dojo was owned by his in-laws, actually, and he taught there with his first wife. Not to diminish his Aikido skills (at that time), but the whole “first westerner to open a dojo in Japan” – which he promoted in the early days (along with his CIA “experience”) – is false.
And it’s a twofer, with Dolph Lundgren happily gnawing the scenery as the evil 'Nam vet kung-fu super-zombie soldier: “I’m all ears.”
Nope, it’s true.
When he said “first Westerner to open a dojo in Japan,” he meant just that. The first day he worked there, Seagal opened the dojo at 8:55AM to admit the first students of the day.
In related news, Seagal also claims to be the first Westerner to close a dojo in Japan (6:10PM that same day), the first Westerner to sweep a dojo in Japan (straw broom, 6:25PM), and the first Westerner to unclog a dojo toilet in Japan (standard rubber plunger).
Halfway decent Japanese? Really? I recall NHK catching up to him at Grauman’s in Hollywood during some Godzilla promotion, and he could only come up with two words…