Yeah, if I can’t think of anything, I’ll usually say something like “You do anything exciting this week?” and that’s often led to decent conversations. Even if it’s just he or she was watching the Olympics and found that exciting. Sometimes the person won’t have anything to talk about from the previous week, but is excited to talk about the cool thing coming up in the next week he’s excited about. And even if the person says “oh, I didn’t really do anything exciting” then I could talk about something I did, like what concert I went to, and that could lead to us both talking about concerts we’ve been to, and music we like, and to more conversation.
I generally get really good results by asking the national origin of their family name.
This is America; everybody loves to talk about their ethnic ancestry!
(Doesn’t work quite as well for “Smith” as for, say, something in Basque or Finnish!)
Names interest me somewhat, but I worry that if I ask then people will think I’m some kind of racist/bigot/ethnist.
I like to start off with “What are you looking at?” and go from there.
To mix it up I sometimes use “You again?”
One I heard from a friend (better used in a group): “Do you floss before you brush or after?”
Good thread! Like many Dopers this stuff does not come naturally to me so I’ve had to put a lot of thought into sounding casual and off the cuff.
“What keeps you interested day to day” would make me embarrassed as the answer is TV and the ambition to one day have all of my house clean at one time. And the Dope, but how many people know about the Straight Dope?
I have found the vaguer the question the better the conversation goes. Sort of like a rorschach test, the person you’re talking to can project whatever they want to talk about onto your question.
“So, what’s up with you?”
“What’s new with you”
“What have you been up to lately?”
I kind of like “How’s your life going so far?”, thanks Shagnasty. That could work well in a few of my recurring circles.
Of the proposed questions I really don’t like being asked what kind of music I like. A lot of people are so judgy about music and what it says about you.
Pizza vs. Bread.
Mine is Pace. It is quite possibly the oldest English surname in the U.S. because iI am a direct descendant of the 1st colony at Jamestown, Viginia. That was well before the Mayflower despite popular perceptions. In Jamestown, it was rare to have married couples there so that is why you see so few people directly descended from them and retain the last name. My Great X grandparents names were Richard Pace 1st and Isabelle Smythe because they couldn’t spell for shit back then even when it came to their own last names.
Now, my Great X grandparents owned a plantation across from the Jamestown colony itself. It is still there and called Pace Paines. I don’t know what a Paines is but it couldn’t be good. Anyway, they sort of adopted this little Native American boy named Chanco who was kind of a houseboy/slave too and converted him to Christianity.
Now Chanco was a member of Chief Powhatan’s tribe (you know, Pocahontas’s father). Chief Powhatan always had an anger management problem and loved to terrorize the innocent English settlers that were just doing some long-term camping and exploratory work on his tribal land. One day, Chief Powhatan had another one of his fits and decided to kill the entire Jamestown colony. Little Chanco was always going going back and forth between his original tribe and his new adoptive parents and heard word of the impending terrorist attack because people gossiped back then just like they do today.
Chanco was torn between betraying his original tribe or seeing his new family get massacred. He decided to spill the beans and Richard Pace 1st took action and rowed across the river to the Jamestown colony to warn the people living there. They prepared for the fight, the massacre came and 2/3rds of them were killed but not all of them and the colony survived.
That is why the U.S exists today my friends. Now moving on to the 1630’s…
Be careful who you ask that question to. I am bad about giving multi-hour college level lectures on it to people that only used the question as a starter. Not really, some people are interested but I try to judge it based on their reactions.
I tried that for years and kept getting the same answer.
I think I’m fairly good at small talk… if nothing else, I entertain myself. I was, until recently at the front desk at my work and when the infrequent visitors were waiting I would chat with them. It sounds trite, but with complete strangers, I find talking about the weather is a good starting point. I think something a bit leading like ‘how are you coping with the heat/cold/rain/drought/fabulous good weather?’ opens the door to something more personal. If they seem interested and answer in more than an off hand way, then I will run with that, which may lead to more interesting in depth questions, as suggested above.
I think if someone asked me a question that sounded like a conversation starter purposely crafted and scripted to draw me out and probe to the heart of my being in the first moments of meeting it would have the opposite effect and I would feel like I’m being interviewed, (or interrogated), rather than having a pleasant chat with an interesting stranger.
Hello Hello Hello, what have we here then?
Excuse me, but are you a Libra?
“Hey, man. Is that a Hemi?”
How about “Wanna fuck?” The addressee’s reaction, whatever it was, would speak volumes about the person, especially if the invitation was accepted.
I owned a carpet and drapery store for many years and made house call to give estimates. As I approached the house I would scan as much as I could looking for something I could comment on. A rose bush, a car, the tools in an open garage something they obviously took some pride in or at least had an interest in. A simple compliment or question regarding my observations would almost always get a conversation flowing and off on the right foot. If you are not at their home it is a bit harder but still most will give is some clues, it might be physical conditioning, or an article of cloth, weather is usually pretty safe as an ice breaker.
“Hi, your name is X”?
Yeah, start by introducing yourself, and then if conversation doesn’t really pick up, ask someone where they’re from or what they do. “What are some of your hobbies?” is also vaguely acceptable. But usually there are also more situationally appropriate questions, such as “How do you know Jim?” at Jim’s birthday party, or “What did you major in?” at a college reunion.
This stuff:
sounds like a job interview. I know someone who leads conversations like this and it is weird, puts me on the spot quite a bit, and makes me feel like I’m just being asked to provide answers rather than start a conversation.
Some of us call him Malcolm.
In Australia we often start our conversations with “How they hangin’ mate.”
Seems to work, the standard response is ‘not bad’ and then we continue to grunt at each other for a while and walk away thinking “jeez he’s a good bloke, doesn’t crap on too much”
As others have noted, I don’t think the question has to be “perfect.” Small talk exists for a reason. It’s trite and bland because the point is to break the ice, not answer life’s great mysteries. Presumably if there’s a spark, the follow up questions are more important.
I go with the old standbys: weather, traffic, sports (if the person is wearing something that suggests they watch sports), or a common news event like the Olympics. These are middle of the road and are hard to cause offense by. You can easily answer and leave the conversation politely if you’re not interested, or go further if you are.
Many of the questions listed here are too probing for a first question to someone you’ve just met at a supermarket or cocktail party. One good one for the latter is “How do you know (host of party)?”
I’d also avoid cute questions because they’re often hard to follow, and though I don’t have hearing loss, I tend to have a hard time hearing conversation in noisy places. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to ask folks to repeat their question at a party because it was too detailed. Not a good way to break the ice…
Or in certain circles, apparently, the most reasonably expected first question is “How big (or long) is your dick?”