The Simpson’s has so many and I stopped watching many years ago.
“Donuts. Is there anything they can’t do?” Like saving an out of control monorail.
“Oh, I didn’t get rich by writing a lot of checks.”
“Thanks Mayor Simpson. Because of you we’re all taking golden showers.”
Sorry for the list OP but I really do think these are some great lines.
It’s hard for me to think in terms of “single greatest” as there are so many that are just simply great, like Seinfeld’s “But I don’t wanna be a pirate!”.
Here’s an oldie from the episode “Return from Europe” in the old I Love Lucy series that offers two goodies in a row.
Lucy and Ricky are flying home from Europe and, desperate to bring home a large heavy cheese without incurring extra baggage fees, Lucy wraps it in a blanket, puts a bonnet on it, and pretends it’s a baby. As soon as he finds out what she’s up to, Ricky refuses to sit with her and moves to another seat.
A woman with an actual baby sits beside Lucy and tries to chat her up about their respective babies. When Ricky briefly returns and the woman realizes that this is the husband, she offers to switch seats so that Ricky can sit with his wife, which Lucy encourages.
RIcky, pointing angrily at Lucy’s “baby”:
“Not while you have that thing!”
Lucy, to the woman:
“He hates children.”
Another one from Seinfeld: Jerry sings the theme song from The Bugs Bunny Show while he and Elaine are outside a theatre waiting for Pagliacci to start.
Elaine: You know, it is so sad. All your knowledge of high culture comes from Bugs Bunny cartoons.
I like this one:
“I’m the Doctor, and you’re in the biggest library in the Universe. Look me up.”
The context is pretty much in the quote. He’s facing down some bad guy, and well, look him up.
The full quote is
If you can’t take a little bloody nose, maybe you ought to go back home, and crawl under your bed. It’s not safe out here! It’s wondrous… with treasures to satiate desires both subtle and gross; but it’s not for the timid
I saw that episode in the late nineties and never again, I still remember that quote more than 30 years later.
ETA: It was in the early nineties!, so almost 40 years.
I like that line, particularly because it’s true for me as well.
For me, it’s gotta be from Star Trek:
**
> Live long and prosper.
**
The phrase that helped start science fiction conventions.
“Oh boy, sleep; that’s where I’m a Viking!”
“My cat’s breath smells like cat food.”
Not the greatest lines in television history, but pretty darn good.
“When you play the game of thrones, you win … or you die.”
Maybe the best of many many candidates from that show, will also throw in “You know nothing Jon Snow” and “That’s what I do; I drink, and I know things” as honorable mentions.
I’m partial to:
Of course, it’s better in the books:
“Stupid sexy Flanders”
Speaking of The Simpsons…
“Aurora Borealis? At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?”
"Good men don’t need rules. Today is not the day to find out why I have so many."
Doctor Who, A Good Man Goes to War (short video link)
I remember a line from some show but I am uncertain which show it was – perhaps the John Burns character in Taxi
“I’m the father. They’re not sure who the mother is.”
Anyone recognize ohat line?
“I’m River Song. Check your records again.”
Which prompts a Dalek to beg for mercy.
I was also tempted by this or one of many other Simpsons lines. It’s just by the time the Simpsons ended up on regular non-satalite TV in the UK Blackadder and The Young Ones has been ingrained in my consciousness for a decade or more, so it will never make my personal “best ever”
“To alcohol: the cause of, and the solution to, all of life’s problems”.
From Mad Men, season 5 episode 10:
Joan’s secretary screws up and allows a process server to deliver divorce papers.
“Surprise! There’s an airplane here to see you!!”
From Mad Men, I liked, “Not great, Bob!”
Although like most of these, context is key.
You didn’t quote what I think is the funniest line in the episode:
Ricky: I am not the father of that cheese!
“THIS IS NOT WAR. THIS IS PEST CONTROL.”