“I’ve Never Been to Me”–Charlene
“Do they know it’s Christmas.”
I’m going to pick Benny the Bouncer by Emerson, Lake, and Palmer. It may not be the WORST song ever, but it completely ruins a great album like Brain Salad Surgery.
I gave Revolution 9 a pass because it was “part of the time.”
Uh, “Muskrat Love” was sung by the Captain and Tenille (a truly horrific entity), not by the vastly superior Carpenter siblings.
“Birthday”-the Beatles. John, Paul, guys, I love you, I truly, truly do. But what the fuck was that shit?
Oh, and “God Bless the USA” by Lee Greenwood is a pretty ripe slice of hell.
My mom has the same Issue with that song. She told me about it one year… and talked about the “Syrupy Sweetness” of it.
I finally get around to hearing it. The next year.
I agree.
BUT.
The plot of the song is good. just HORRIBLY executed.
It was also recorded (first, IIRC) by America.
It was the first song on side two of the White Album.
Duh.
“Last Kiss”, and it doesn’t matter whose recording.
Also “Teen Angel”.
Hell with it. Any song about some teenager getting killed, and another teenager singing about it.
“In The Club” by 50 Cent. Just horrible drudgery the whole way through.
MacArthur Park. Someone left the cake out in the rain??
Thats Napolean XIII, and the song is genius! Ok, maybe not, but it is an impressive display of technical mastery in the recording studio. Do you know how hard it is to do something like that, especially when all you have is analog tape to work with?
Its hard for me to pick a worst song because the truly bad I tend to love for the comedy of it, and the so bland they are awful tend to get forgotten. My favorite bad song that isn’t intentionally funny is a toss up between Lil’ Markie’s diary of an unborn child, and Meet Virginia by Train. The first is a disturbingly honest atempt to prevent abortions, the second is the worst lyrical content I have ever heard.
Every now and then, the hip-hop scene produces something so incredibly inane that it makes Barney look like Sting. The latest offering is My Humps by some evil group called the “Black-Eyed Peas”.
The lyrics go like this:
“My humps, my humps my humps my humps, my humps my humps my humps, my lovely lady lumps”.
What are the humps? You’ll be shocked to hear it’s tits and ass. I know, I know, complete lack of subtlety in hip-hop is the last thing I expected too. But wait, there’s more:
“You don’t want no drama. No No drama. No no no no drama.”
Get it? Drama bad. We’re strictly a romantic comedy shop.
And since this is hip-hop, there’s got to be an opposite-sex holla-back:
“Put your milk with my cocoa puffs. Milky milky cocoa puffs.”
Sweet jesus. And this is in heavy rotation. Has the whole music industry gone cuckoo?
I hate it so much that I have to listen to it twice a day just to get the earworm out of my head. Damn them for making it so catchy.
Oh, one more thing, never ever listen to “Hero” by Mariah Carey. Ever. Due to a horrible accident, I ended up having to explicate this song in 8 sessions of an ESL class. In fact, some of you may be able to name that disaster in 1 try…
Nice try, but none of you chumps have even come close yet. The worst song ever is, in fact, We Built This Starbucks on Heart and Soul.
Sorry for ending your contest so soon.
I agree. Whenever I hear it, I want to kill someone. Preferably 50 cent, but if he’s not around I’d be willing to lash out at onyone who seems to be enjoying it.
I would like to nominate “Hell is for Children” as a darkhorse candidate. The normally reliable Pat Benatar created a lyrical and vocal monstrosity with that one. The only use for that song is to sing it over the Welch’s grape juice commercials with the sickeningly sweet little kids pimping the juice.
Wow - where to start? Most of the really shitty music in my experience was in the 70’s… the bleak counterpoint to a period of time that also created some really great music.
Some of the obvious nominees, just from that period (some already mentioned above):
Kung Fu Fighting
Seasons in the Sun
I Can Help
Havin’ My Baby
Puppy Love
Billy, Don’t Be a Hero
Hot Child in the City
Disco Duck
The Night Chicago Died
Copacabana
Chick-a-Boom
Hooked on a Feeling (the “hooga-chaka” version)
Torn Between Two Lovers
But I think the winner is a little more obscure: DOA by Bloodrock.
“Mickey” by Toni Basil
What’s amazing is that nearly all of these songs seem to appear on every 70s compilation you see. That means the writers and performers continue to profit from them.
There’s a special level in hell waiting for Rick “Disco Duck” Dees. That song was bad enough (for the love of Og, it went to #1 and sold over 4 million copies!), but he went back to the well one time too many when he wrote “Dis-Gorilla”.
Kilvert’s Pagan, I love all that shit! When I hear such dreck, I crank up the volume and listen with a big foolish grin. However…
When I hear “Playground in my Mind” by Clint Holmes, I crank up the volume and listen in sheer amazement that this piece of aural excrement was ever allowed to pollute the airwaves. My children’s horrified shrieking of “Change it, Mom! Change it, I’m serious!” is only a marginal compensation.
I grew up listening to all this stuff and I like it, too. I have a ton of the aforementioned 70s compilation CDs.