What is Your Favorite Retort to Squelch an Argument (Between Friends)?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I have a couple of retorts that I like to use when I’m either: a) tired of arguing, b) losing a friendly argument. I got to use my favorite today, and in a business setting, no less.

A colleague and I were going back and forth about some minor details of a plan, when I decided that I couldn’t take it anymore and stifled his argument with a deft, “What do you know about it, you dumb hippie!” That stopped him right in his tracks, and I was able to change the subject to something more interesting and relevant.

Then, when I’m in a more personal setting, I find that there’s nothing like a good “Up yours!” when the merits of an argument are lacking.

Any other good (and humorous) retorts out there that I can add to my limited repartee?

2

You can always talk about their mother.

3

“The mainstream media is nothing but propaganda.”

“Your face is propaganda!”

4

“Bunnies are soft”.

Unclviny

5

“I’m not screaming at you, I’m screaming with you.”

6

“<subject of argument> is the opiate of the masses!”

7

“Yer mom is a [insert cause of argument here]”

It then dissolves into laughter. Unless we’ve got a new guy in our midst…

8

Stick your fingers in your ears and chant, “La la la la la la la . . .”

Then there’s the classic, “Whatever . . .”

9

“Shut up, you still live with your ex-girlfriend”.

10

A favourite of mine since I first heard it:

“You’re just a smelly pirate hooker! Why don’t you go back to Whore Island!”

Extra points for knowing what film it’s from.

11

My brother and I used to use this method:

You: <restate your position>, endofconversation, can’thearyouanymore!

other person’s response

You: Wh-a-a-aaat?

*other person’s response

You: Wh-a-a-aaat?
Warning: This usually gets physical real fast.

12

“Oh yeah? Well the Jerk Store called and they’re running out of YOU!”

13

“Oh yeah? You fight like a cow!” – Monkey Island reference
“Well… you SUCK!”

or, one of those only-intelligible-to-us things…
“STFU, ffourgthrit!”

14

“Shut up before I beat you with a rake made of jalapenos and fire.”

Actually, I’ve never used that; I just read it yesterday at tomatonation.com and I’ve been dying to try it out.

15

Anchorman?

I like to inform arguing parties that they smell of cabbage, and then I blow a kiss. That usually settles things down real nice.

16

“Talking to you is proof that there are things worse than death”

“Well, the great thing about a country such as ours is that everyone is entitled to an ignorant opinion”

“shut your cockport”

17

“You’re such a poopy head!”

Yeah, it’s a little second grade, but it always makes people stop in their tracks. :smiley:

18

I think the best one I’ve heard and used only once is…

After the opposing party finishes talking, I look them in the eye, give a dramatic pause, and in my best baso profundi, loudly pronounce…HA! Then I spin on my heel and walk away.

19

“Bitch!”
“Slut!”
“Whore!”
"Faggot!’
“Why, thank you!”

20

Works especially well if you’ve just been accused of acting childish.