Remember that you can’t “make them” less upset, and their level of upsetness isn’t your responsibility. A common tactic in controlling/abusive relationships is to be emotionally unregulated, getting highly upset over small things so that the other person will bend over backwards to “keep them calm”.
Keep saying to yourself when you’re feeling distressed, “These are two grown adults choosing to have a shouting match at 6:30 in the morning about two milk jugs being in the sink rather than in the recycling. That’s not on me. It’s not my job to somehow prevent them from making that choice.”
That said, you’ll have the most serenity and equanimity if you’re making good emotional choices yourself. That’s a bigger lift for you at 17 than it ought to be for parents in their 30s or 40s or whatever. But you can try to be conscious of not letting little things get to you in that uncontrolled way, being calm and polite without just desperately trying to placate them, cooperating with reasonable rules and expectations. (That can be tough sometimes when dealing with controlling people, who often try to stretch other people’s good manners and basic civility into expressions of conciliation or submissiveness. Being calm and courteous and kind without being helpless and submissive can be a bit of a tightrope act.)
(And furthermore, though I agree with my fellow elderly posters that it seems counterproductively strict to forbid you from getting a job or a driver’s license up through age 17, it hasn’t wrecked your chances for a happy adulthood. I didn’t learn to drive till I was nearly 19, although in my case it wasn’t because my parents had forbidden it. You’ll doubtless learn to drive just fine whenever you get the opportunity to learn, and the same for learning to find and work a job.)
There is no good answer to the problem of being stuck as the possession of two unreasonable people.
The least bad answer is refuse to become angry yourself and do whatever can be done to extricate yourself from the immediate flail. Which may be little more than stand there silently while they rant and rave until their energy runs out.
I’m really wondering about the dating - “can’t date without them being there” seems odd in a way that not being allowed to date at all wouldn’t be. Are you allowed to go out with friends without your parents ? I’m kind of wondering if the dating and driving are connected in some way - like do you need them to transport you since you don’t drive and once they’ve driven you to the movie theater or mall or whatever and it doesn’t make sense for them to go home and come back?
Anyway, there’s no way for you to prevent them from getting upset and there’s no way to prevent them from yelling at you. All you can try to control is your own reaction , which won’t be easy.
And I agree with @Kimstu about the driving - I didn’t get my license until I was 19 and my daughter was close to 25 when she got hers. Didn’t wreck our adult lives.
I’m not allowed to go out with friend at all, due to the fact that my parents don’t want to be there. Also for the last couple years they have been there the entire date, this year my parents are letting me go on my first date with them only being there have the date, and he will be driving me not my parents. I’m really excited and I don’t want to mess it up
It is maddening to be blamed/yelled at for things that are not your fault. But the fact that your parents are being unreasonable does not mean that you being unreasonable in response is what is best for you.
What are your options? In zero seconds (tho removed from the situation) I can think of at least 3:
Yell back at them?
Try to reason with them that you did nothing wrong?
Try to figure out whatever the hell they want done with the milk jugs, do that - while saying whatever you think might calm the situation the best, and get the hell out of there as fast as possible?
One benefit to having my kids get jobs was to tell them, “The boss is not always right, but they are always the boss.” Same holds for teachers. Your teacher might have all manner of faults, but the student’s job is not to correct or argue with the teacher, but to learn the material and get a good grade.
Here is another way to look at it. Sure, you should be able to date, hang out with friends, consider college, not get yelled at regularly. But look at what you have in your favor. You have a roof over your head, clothes to wear, food to eat? You are getting a decent education? Your health care needs are being met? No one is physically abusing you?
Have you heard the line about if everyone could toss their pile of troubles out on the street, when they saw everyone else’s problems, they’d fight like crazy to get their own back? Not a horrible thought to trot out now and then. Everyone has problems. Figure out how to best deal with yours, and then figure out how to maximize the positive aspects of your life.
Like someone said, as unpleasant as some aspects of your life seem to you, you are still being reasonably situated to lead a pretty decent life. Figure out how to deal with the next year or two. They will pass quickly (tho they won’t seem quick at present.) Then figure out what you are going to do WRT education, housing, and employment for the next 60-70 years - during which time you will be free to determine what people play what roles in your lives.