There’s an odd GD thread about black women and it got me thinking about our subjective preferences and what we find attractive.
Consider the word exotic. From your own preferences what type of person do you find fits that word for you.
Anyone from a culture extremely different from my own in terms of language, dress, food, customs etc.
Same as what Acid Lamp said, but also adding different physical appearance (skin color, hair type, eye shape, etc.) to the mix.
really? Just the definition of the word?
OKay. For me certain people would bring that word to mind.
For some it might be Asian but that doesn’t make “exotic” spring to mind for me.
Where the slightly darker island look says it right away.
I would say Salma definitely brings that to mind.
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My subjective take on an exotic person is that they:
- sleep on mats
- eat nothing but heavily spiced vegetables and small game cooked over a makeshift pit
- wear loincloths and sarongs and stuff
- are only one step removed from noble savagery, but possess a pure wisdom and heart unsullied by civilization
- when presented with a computer, would probably bang on the screen a lot, then pick it up and shake it
In other words, I think exotic-ness is a stereotype we can probably do without.
My subjective take on an exoctic person is that they probably need to lose that extra c.
Spock-like eyebrows!
When zay hahz zee accent, zees make me wery, wery ekzited.
They have to be straight out of their culture and not even partially Americanized for me to consider a person I see around here “exotic”. A very recent immigrant or tourist, basically. I’ve only been to a couple other countries, but when I was in a foreign land then the people were truly exotic (i.e. substantially different from me).
Green Eyes.
Red Hair.
That combination in someone WITHOUT Freckles or blindingly pale skin is when the Exotic becomes Erotic if you will.
For the record, “exotic” is sometimes considered not only an offensive word, but an offensive concept for defining a person in terms of sexual and/or romantic attraction. I can’t claim to speak for a person or group who would tend to be directly affected by this in the US, but my understanding is that it can be offensive to be reduced to a particular set of perceived ethnic, color, language, etc. characteristics as the object of a sexual fetish rather than considered on the terms of one’s own beauty and personality.
My take on this is that, having been a victim of race-related physical and emotional abuse on a recurring basis throughout much of my childhood, I see dangerous possibilities down this road. When we start by listing who we define as “the other”, who knows where we go from there?
Just to be clear, I’m not arguing that this discussion should be in any way censored, or that anyone should be ashamed of having particular sexual or romantic tastes. Just offering my subjective take on “exotic people”.
(Thanks for representing this position too, Beware of Doug. I thought I might be the only one.)
I wasn’t aware it was a stereotype at all. It’s never been to me and I didn’t mean it that way in the thread. I was also speaking of appearance assuming most people here were smart enough to realize that appearance was only one aspect of a person and not reflective of intelligence or overall character.
No offense intended by the OP. I’ve never heard the term used in an offensive way and did not intend it that way here.
Well that didn’t take too long. :rolleyes:
I’ll bet you’d find green hair & red eyes one hell of a lot more exotic!
That was my impression, and that’s why I felt it important to do a little education here. The unfortunate fact is that while you don’t intend to offend anyone, you’re saying something offensive. Therefore it’s your responsibility (and that of others in this thread) to understand why it’s offensive and reevaluate your behavior.
I only learned about this particular issue a couple of months ago, when I remarked on the attractiveness of a black Englishman–not like “he’s hot” but more like “man, that whole black and English thing is a huge turn-on for me”. I said this to someone who was black and had lived in England as well, and she said something like, “Great, just go ahead and exoticize those things.”
The fact that I was so misinterpreted led me to explore the topic and I found that characterizing people in that way can be offensive, and began to reevaluate my behavior. It’s all part of anti-racist practice, which is ongoing and neverending.
Hostile Dialect,
Hostile Dialect, Narcissist
Uh-oh! Does that mean I am wrong to find early video of Phil Lynott – arousing?
Although, it’s not cause I find him exotic. To me, that word always brings to mind a building we would always drive by on the onramp to the Bay Bridge going east when I was a kid.
It was painted on the side of a coffee factory – MJB? – and it depicted a man in flowing yellow robes with a yellow turban and short white beard. He held aloft a cup with a perfect curlicue of steam, and he had those way cool slippers where the toes curled up. I always wanted a pair of those!
To a kid growing up in San Bruno at the time, where even our “cholos” didn’t actually speak Spanish, it was intoxicatingly and eternally exotic.
I will never feel ashamed about that feeling, because,
a) we REALLY don’t want one homogenous culture, even those who think they do,
and
b) “exotic” is simply something from far enough away to seem really unfamiliar and fascinating.
I have never, ever heard anyone use the word in any way remotely pejorative. I’m not even sure that the etymology supports the idea of being negative. “Exo-” is, as far as I know, more like “outside” and, well, the whole rest of the world is outside. Exoskeleton, exoteric, exodus.
Now, “xeno-” is another story.
P.S. Sexual predilections stubbornly refuse to be P.C.
We keep telling them, but they just won’t listen.
Which, sadly, changes inherent racist attitudes not very much. Alas.
Exotic isn’t really a descriptor of a person; it’s a reflection of the person who uses the word’s experience. Many people think Asians or East Indians or Pacific Islanders are exotic. But there’s nothing inherently exotic about them. When you call someone exotic, all you’re doing is revealing your environment’s demographics. You’re making more a statement about yourself than the person you’re talking about.
I’m Asian and I used to hate it when people called Asian women “exotic” or “exotic-looking.” I grew up surrounded by Asians and Pacific Islanders. Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese, Polynesians, these were my neighbors and relatives. Nothing really noteworthy about them. But for someone else, who is Caucasian and grew up surrounded by nothing but Caucasians, it’d be the most fascinating thing ever. Me, I’d have considered a black guy more exotic than an Asian or Tahitian. Hell, my Midwest-born, blond-haired, blue-eyed SO was fascinating to me at first, since I’d never really seen a person like him up close before.
I wouldn’t say being called exotic is offensive. It’s just a little awkward, I guess. I feel like pointing out that if they lived in a place more diverse, maybe they wouldn’t perceive me that way. But that’d be pretty rude.
To me, exotic [person of the opposite sex] means somebody who’s usually sexually interesting but culturally intimidating.
Sure, that girl looks unusual, I tell myself. She has a nice accent. She’s different. But how hard do I really want to work in the relationship to understand her culture given how clueless I am about women — hell, I have enough trouble with women as it is. Why do I imagine I have any hope of dating somebody I know so little about? How many mistakes do I really feel like making? I’m a complete idiot about most cultures and I’m bound to offend her with the most idle comment. Then everybody’s going to be asking me, “So I hear you’re dating a Bohemian girl, what’s that like?” and “why couldn’t you find a white girl?” and “is this some kind of fetish?” Gee, dating somebody from a different culture sounds a lot harder.
Erotically exotic, to me, is someone who comes from a culture just different enough from my own that I feel he’s got background experiences different from my own. It’s, I suspect, another variation on the “sex with a stranger” fantasy. The polar opposite of the predictable safe boy next door, if you will. It’s not enough to *look *different - my city is so diverse that we have all 31 flavors of humanity and more as locals - it’s the interest aroused by the excitement of having new ideas, new experiences and new ways of thinking to share with me. So to me it doesn’t matter if they’re dark or light or have round eyes or almond - it’s almost always the *voice *that I find subconsciously exotic and arousing. An accent is astoundingly hot, doesn’t really matter which one.
Purely physically, I love caramel or olive skin, dark hair and dark eyes on men of any derivative. Adding on a smooth, confident voice with an accent just melts my knees. Naveen Andrews is my exotic erotic ideal.
