I’m thinking Fros-ty the Snow-man.
About five seconds ought to do it.
Although there is also appeal in the image of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, pulling a fully loaded sleigh uphill over bare ground, all of Rudolph glowing red, being urged on by gleeful red-suited imps with horns.
Yes, I am having a bad day at work.
Burl Ives.
Jack Frost.
All those people who come up to me during the holidays and say “Smile! It’s Christmas!”
I gotta go with Frosty. Although it would be cool to see a Christmas special with Rudolph being led through the nine levels of Hell by Herme the Elf, like in The Inferno.
“What manner of creature is that, Herme?”
“Lo, Rudolph, it is Lamia, who murdered her children in a grisly and bloody way.”
“Oh, you mean like that one year Santa went apeshit after drinking that bad eggnog?”
“No, Rudolph, not that bad.”
I want to see Una’s Inferno!
I’m imagining Frosty as Satan in the icy heart of the inferno…
The Little Drummer Boy.
Enough already with the pa-rum-pa-pum-pum!
Aaarrgh! A cow-orker is playing “Frosty The Snowman”. The Gene Autry version.
Is there no end to this infamy?
The Nutcracker.
If there ever was a figure that hinted “I’m a legitimate piece of cordwood.” Plus… that godawful image conjured by its scrotacious nomenclature.
There’s a local radio ad guy and part-time conservative politician by that name. Amen.
Also, the annoying bitch who does the local furniture TV ads.
I love the SDMB.
Does Rachel Ray and her “America Runs on Dunkin, so always have sacks of coffee around the house for the holidays” deserve the soft licking of brimstone flames along her yapping orange mug? Yup.
Just so I could put her on this list, there needs to be a special called “The Christmas Nazi”.
All the morose melodramatic Peanuts characters can discover the meaning of burning for eternity for all I care.
He’s not very jolly, but can I nominate the little kid who has Manolo Blahnik tastes on a Keds budget?
ETA: [del]Or[/del] AND the dumb schmuck who allows himself to be manipulated into accommodating those tases?
The guy who sings Christmas Shoes should be fried in his own blood.
He’d have to have a really high cholesterol level for that to be possible, wouldn’t he?
Santa. The version from Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and 'Twas the Night Before Christmas. He’s a total dick in those specials.
Marlo Thomas. She was in a Christmas movie once, so she totally counts, and I’ve been looking for an excuse.
Whether it counts or not, I would pay my weight in fruitcake to see Elmo and Patsy flayed open and roasted for all eternity. Right bastards, the both of them.
The post-epiphany Scrooge and Grinch. They were great when they were miserable, cranky, cantankerous anti-social creatures. Then they get Christmas in their hearts. Bah humbug. Just once I’d like to see the Grinch keel over when they reveal that he has a major case of cardiomegaly.